Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

merry50 · Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

I'm new here with 20 yrs experience with what I believe is a narcissist. A wonderful psychiatrist called him a pathological liar after just a few sessions..he never went back though, so there wasn't a complete diagnosis of NP. He's my ex husband who I have 2 children with and my daughter also considers him her father, she was 5 when I met him. I was swept off my feet by this handsome, educated, successful man who wrote me poetry and promised me the moon. Signs were there, 3 days after he moved in with my daughter and I he left to attend one of his buddies bachelor party, a notorious womanizer who was caught red handed a yr after His marriage and was with this woman the night before he wed...Anyway.. this could go on forever! lol A couple of yrs after the divorce was final I let him move back into my house but I never felt he was being upfront with me about his contact with drug pals..(he told me he would enter a program for his alcohol & drug problem, which is one of the reasons I finally threw him out, but he only went to 3 meetings. He also put his family before myself and the children each and every time and never defended me when attacked by his family either).
Such a loser right? Not so! He has many old friends...who a psychologist would love to study also...and he makes new friends easily. He's modest, self effacing...the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. After a few months of the living together the fighting started about the same old issues. I then discovered he was stashing money in a separate acct...when confronted he denied the accts existence, when pushed he became enraged and said he had to because I spent too much money...my fault of course. He left 2 weeks after the confrontation claiming that i'd had an affair with a much older man, doesn't matter how old I know. He's destroyed my credibility in a small town and with my family. Nobody else sees this man the way that I do, they see me as unstable.
This brief and all over the place synopsis and the reason I'm here tonight..is because I had to atttend a birthday party for my son in law and of course the ex was there. He tried to get my attention a few times and spent the entire time watching me like a lovesick pup. Noted and brought to my attention by two of my family members. These women feeling bad for him and invariably asking me why 'it' can't be fixed, like i'm the problem. Anyway, 20 minutes after my sons and I left he had a young woman at his apartment.
Now, what I'd like someone to tell me is...the poor psychiatrist didn't have enough time but tells me he believes his disorder is more than narcissism but can't say. My doctor, MD, believes that he's a sociopath. 20 years later... I'm not sure if it's his disorder or mine. I need serious help, getting too old for this and need to think about other things.

nolongertrusting · Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 267

Merry, Stand solid and your convictions. You see this man and know he's disaster. The only thing you need to say to your family or friends is that you like you life the it is and let it go. Your credibility will remain stable the more you stand your ground. Its not your disorder if you don't want to be involved with someone who has a drug problem or booze problem. Its their problem and there's plenty of resources out there for them to get help.

Nolongertrusting

thegabrielle77 · Site Admin Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 437

merry50,

Hey sweetie,

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Just wanted to say that I am sorry that you went through all of this. Also wanted to welcome you to the forum, this is a very good place with a lot of very wise, kind and caring people.

No one on this forum is qualified to diagnose sweetie, but you will find a lot of resources here as well, will give you the link to our resources area, just clink on the link:

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/learning-links-and-resources-section-c4.html

Also wanted to say that our forum is dedicated to No Contact (NC) with our abusers. Know that you have children with the N/abuser and keeping NC can be more difficult, but would suggest if you have not alreay keeping everything all discussions strictly about the children, there is information on custody issues:

http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/divorcecustody1.msnw

Here's a link to answer your questions about him being well liked

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html#society

Know where you are coming from on trying to understand the N and the counselor saying he may have other issues, yes that is true many times person's with a Personality Disorder (PD) with have others too. IMO, would just go with the therepists diagnoses of Nism, that is enough hon, you keep digging and researching and wanting to understand it keeps you tied to him...he has control over you and your thoughts. Again understand you have children with him and need to know how to deal with him...but...

At some point you have to make your life about YOU again, once you start doing that, it will all start to come together, his crazy crap will not effect you as much cause it is YOUR life not his. You make a life for you and you will not have time to worry about his crazy crap.

Going to a therepist and discussing him is normal during the grieving/healing process but again, there is a time when it has to be about YOU, you can't change him sweetie...you can KNOW about him but it will not change him.

You can change YOURSELF though, change how you react to him which will then improve the situation, but in order to do that you have to look at yourself when you go to therepist and not him. You know he is toxic so go with that, that should be all you need.

Please keep, reading and posting here

Hugs
Gabrielle
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