Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

wownowfree · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 255

Today is my son's 10th Birthday. N mom rang my phone at 7:00 AM! This is after 2 years of No Contact. I turned my answering machine off and let it ring for about 20 rings. She finally hung up without spewing her guilt invoking sh***t on my answering machine. But when I got home from work I saw that she rang again at 4:00 PM. Luckily I left my machine off all day in anticipation of her trying again so she did NOT get to leave a message!

She is like on autopilot with Birthdays and anniversaries. I still have trouble accepting her bizaare behavior. She acts like all is well. It's as if Birthdays and Holidays are a way to get me to cave. She has no idea how troubling and anxiety-producing her calls are to me. I used to think she knew how upsetting her calls were to me and did it purposely, but now I think she has NO IDEA how sick her behavior is or how it effects me at all. When I realize this I feel better about avoiding her because I know that I'm not really hurting her feelings at all.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel that I've made a lot of healing progress. I used to have a lot of guilt about not taking her calls. (She whines and cries on the phone). This was a big codependent trigger for me. I have no guilt about protecting my son from that psycho.

windinthetrees · Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 128

i understand. the phone can be a safe place for the N to spew. it just happened to me. funny enough that same N called 3 days later and acted
like all was well. i am trying to keep the peace so i just let him talk about
himself and then we basically got off the phone. no confrontation( did NOT work 2 weeks earlier) and so i just deleted his # out of my cell,
and they can call, but I won't call them. too bad for them.a metaphor for
my whole life--let HIM speak, listen and feel like a moron (his goal), pretend to listen (and feel drained and resentful hours later--he still does not notice), or tell him how he is acting and get slammed. they are impossible. ia m learning to focus on myself and live my life. when and if they call, keep it simple. if he were to start to go "off"on me-- that is usually only if one were to question him--i now just say i am going to get off the phone--and hang up. i think youdid the only thing you could do. it is so hard i know. my son's bday was yesterday and this N called to talk
to the 'bday boy" and that was that. He's 4.

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

There use to be a song.....don't go away mad, just go away. Wish they would get it.

Tell your son happy birthday,

justmee
_________________
If you can not deal with it, or change it, then its time to walk away from it.

wendyhouse · Joined: 29 Mar 2008 Posts: 28

Eesh, I know!
It's my hubby's birthday today, and my NM sent a card a few days ago.
A lovely, loving card quite in contrast to the one she sent me over a week ago. (Been NC for nearly 3 months now)
Didn't answer the phone today in case it was NM, but it was actually my hubby's birth sister which was sad, because both she and my hubby have depression and neither would call back or call again - and all because of avoiding NM.
Even when we are strong, it's bizarre how we dread them calling so much we don't answer the phone or switch it off.
Makes me feel physically sick to even think of hearing her on the phone.

I want to let go of that, as I feel it gives the N more power.
Rearranging our lives to avoid them sucks.

Anyways, hope you are feeling OK and your son had a lovely birthday.

windinthetrees · Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 128

thanks. he did, and this AM i am not feeling like
answering any phones. Smile

have a good day everyone Smile

whyness · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 102

Birthdays and Holidays!

Yea it's like they think it's an automatic in for them, my daughters Birthday is at the end of the month and I am bracing for some kind of kamikaze attack from NM using that as an excuse to call my ex wives home and get my daughter to relay messages to me.

BTW, I changed my telephone number a while back and she doesn't have it!
HA HA!
Twisted Evil

_________________
Day By Day In Every Way I am Getting Better And Better

Tearlet · Joined: 31 Mar 2008 Posts: 29

LOL ... my mom moved to China. We thought, wow, a break! She teaches so she's gone for 9 mos of the year. The first year she was so busy it was wonderful. The 2nd year my younger sister & I were both in trauma, so neither one of us remember my mom much. But this year ... she's ba'ack!

Half way across the world & she is able to get my younger sister to the point of cutting herself in the bathroom immediately after a phone call. Has my eldest sister not talking to my younger sister. Has me doing my darndest to not be the peace maker again!

I'M DONE! I don't need to go into NC, I don't allow her to hurt my like she used to. I simply have to set forth a new rule, I will not speak to her of my siblings or of their children. We can talk about my family (boring! no drama there!) or herself (I know where the mute button is Smile

).

Yes, the world is much, much smaller with telephone & Internet. NC is much, much tougher these days.

Wishing your DS the best!

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

"I used to have a lot of guilt about not taking her calls. (She whines and cries on the phone). This was a big codependent trigger for me. I have no guilt about protecting my son from that psycho."

I've found that NC with my father has been guilt-free because he is the aggressor and an idiot but my mother on the other hand has been far more difficult because of her passivity, victim's mentality and guilt-trips (and that somewhere underneath all this conditioned nonsense there is a decent soul). She is the lesser of two evils no doubt, but man a total pain in the arse. She came over to my flat couple of days ago and starts firing off questions that I can't respond too so I told her as much and she walks out crying, telling me how "hurt I am." I can empathise with her predicament but you reach a point where a line has to be drawn. But you can't afford to be guilty. It helps to be clinical (if this is the right word) in dealing with out-of-control people, almost business-like so it isn't personal, just a matter of business. Part of the guilt for me is tied in to the fact that I know that I was out-of-control myself so it makes it more difficult to reject other people's insanity when you've been there. "Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes." But with this in mind, you have to do what ever you can to liberate yourself, if other people have to be pushed aside and hurt in the process so be it. Your own liberation is immeasurably more important.

petunia16 · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 99

I think we should launch an attack on Hallmark for coming up with all of these holidays and opportunities for the N's to call Wink

Like they even care if it's Mother's day or whatever... they just want an excuse!

The other thing we could do... "I've become *such and such* religion... I will no longer celebrate any bdays or holidays and I would really appreciate it if you would do the same".

Or, change your number and address completely.... ugh.

Stay strong... and vent all you want Smile

Serenity710 · Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 84