Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Sazzy Artard · Joined: 01 Apr 2008 Posts: 7 Location: Texas

Ice Mother

There is a hole burrowed in my heart.
It is a long and narrow furrow plowed into my soul at birth by my Ice Mother.
It’s an empty trough that begs filling; a perpetual emptiness that needs compensating.

But it never is.

The hole is drilled all the way through me and into the end of the universe as I know it.
It is a dark, solitary pit—unseen and without end.
I wonder, “How can it be that the baby soul—only minutes in this world—feels this void?

But it does.

Loudly and longly, the infant cries to its mother, “Fill the hole!”
The Ice Mother will not do it. She is busy making the hole so well that it is no use at all to ask, “After spending decades in this world, how can I still feel the emptiness?”

But I do.

I feel a grittiness on my skin I want to wash off.
I have a taste in my mouth I need to rinse out.
I sense an uneasiness of spirit I must calm.

But I cannot.

I ask myself, “How can a mother impose such a permanent longing upon her child?”
I answer myself, “She does not know what she is doing.”
I explain to myself, “The Ice Mother passes on a damaged heart. It is not her fault.”

But it is.

Sazzy