Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

nanaov4 · Joined: 27 Mar 2008 Posts: 2

I am new to this, so please bear with me. My daughter has been married to her husband who within the last year has been diagnosed as a narcissist. They have 3 small children. She has finally come to the realization that she cannot take anymore and is ready for a divorce, although it has been a very difficult decision for her because she felt that she had to stay with him for the kids. The problem is that she has been a STHM for the last 6 years and has no money for an attorney. I am willing to help monetarily but the 2 attorneys she has s/w have told her that the divorce will surely be contested and she is better off staying or leaving with the kids or nothing because she will not be able to afford the divorce battle. She is feeling very defeated and honestly I am afraid for her and my grandchildren. She knows that she and the children are welcome to leave and move in with us but she just doesn't know what to do. Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

thegabrielle77 · Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 384

nanaov4

Hey sweetie,

(((((((((hugs))))))))) to you hon. Sorry you are going through this with your daughter. Just wanted to welcome you to the site and tell you that this is a great place there are many wonderful wise people here and also a ton of resources on the site. You may want to if you have not already go post in these sections, just click on the links:

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/divorce-and-custody-issues-f10.html

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/narcissistic-relatives-f13.html

And check our resource section too:

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/learning-links-and-resources-section-c4.html

Keep posting and reading...it is a good place

Hugs
Gabrielle
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lyn62 · Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 5

I know every state is different but, if she hasn't worked for 6 years then he has to pay for both his lawyer and her lawyer. Plus, temporary child support and alimony.

She needs a plan, because he's not going to be happy.

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1371 Location: Connecticut, USA

The Divorce and Custody section is a treasure trove of experience and information for someone in your daughter's position. Keep in mind that the laws vary, depending on where you are.

My first suggestion would be to find a lawyer who does NOT say to stay with a diagnosed narcissist for financial reasons. That lawyer has no idea. So long as she does not live in a no fault divorce state, if your daughter can show that her husband was responsible for the breakdown of the marriage, he will be ordered to pay a portion of her legal fees at settlement. It shouldn't be hard with a diagnosis. Also, as a SAHM, she will be entitled to spousal support and child support. I don't see how she could afford not to sue for divorce.

Also, once she files for divorce there are automatic orders put in place to protect the marital assets. Half of those assets are hers, and if there's one thing the lawyers are good at, it's making sure that they get paid from those assets.

Keep looking. She's bound to find a better lawyer.

And please join us in Divorce and Custody. I'm smack in the middle of a divorce, and there are many others there more than willing to share what they've learned in their journeys, including a fellow who posts based on his experiences with his daughter's divorce. You won't believe how much you'll learn there! I can't tell you what a difference it's made to me.

Read the sticky about making a plan to get out, too.

I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this. I know how hard it is. (((((((hugs)))))))) to her, and to you.

nanaov4 · Joined: 27 Mar 2008 Posts: 2

Thanks to all for your input. I feel better just reading your responses. Things have changed some since I posted this am. The attorney got in touch with her and apologized. Said that she her reaction had been based on her perception that my daughter was not really ready for this but after speaking with several of her associates she realized how wrong she had been. Said that we should discuss it and if we will allow it, she would like to represent her. We are going to think about it over the weekend and let her know something on Monday. I am leaving the decision up to my daughter. I also spoke with a respected psychiatrist who is familiar with my daughter and her NH and he insisted that she is on the right track and although it will be expensive and probably not pleasant it has to be done for the sake of her sanity and the children. I may not feel better tomorrow but for right now I can actually smile. Thanks again and please keep us in your prayers.