Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1834

Hello and welcome to "our stories".

We invite members to share their story here with us. It can be very therapeutic to "write it all out" so that you can later "write it off".

You may be a new member and choose to share the events that have taken place while having lived with a disordered personality that has led you to the point where you are right now. You can refer to your story or ask other members from other forums to read your story to help clarify your situation.

You may be a "veteran"- someone who has maintained no contact for over a period of at least a year and is well on the journey to recovering their life. Your story will serve as a wonderful inspiration for newcomers to read.

It is YOUR life, and YOUR story and this is the place where you can share it.

Minor discussion may take place here in threads following your story, but we ask for major discussion, or questions to be posted in the main forums where they are more active and you are more likely to find quick and ready support.

thankyou.
Matilda
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"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright

tinamarie · Joined: 24 Feb 2008 Posts: 7 Location: Midlothian, Va

Hi everyone. I hope to find comfort in this site and meet some nice new people. Here's my basic story...

I just left my narcissist of two years about three weeks ago due to his poor treatment of me and his alcohol and drug abuse. He didn't think he had a problem, which is odd because he often vascillated between admitting he had a problem to not admitting it. He always sought to control me, blame me, hurt me, instigate with me, etc... He presented rather normal on most occasions, at least to others. Though I knew the signs from the beginning and ignored them because I felt regretful leaving a great former fiance, waned to punish myself, and was living on a 500 acre farm alone.

So, I moved in with my narcissist a year ago after he was very mean to me while we were dating. What is hard to understand, is that I am a therapist (MSW but almost have my license), someone who "should" be able to spot these people a mile away, but I think because my dad was a narcissist, that I accepted his behaviors more than the average person would.

I've been out of the house (my stuff is still there) for nearly three weeks and he tried to contact me many times, though I remained strong and didn't let him suck me back in. Then on a few occasions I did let him "win". I asked him to come see me at work and stay the night (there are houses on the property that I sometimes stay in). He made up a lot of excuses (needed an oil change as it's 1 hour and 45 minutes away- a commute that I did four days per week for him), the dog doesn't travel well, he'd have to take off work, etc... Well, he came anyway, but on the way to see me he called me to yell at me telling me it wasn't worth driving so far away and even cursed and me and hung up the phone.

Then he gets there and says, "Sorry, I'm just a bad traveler." Then we drink a little (as usual) and later in the night after a comment I made, he choked me then left. He then sent me an email the next day yelling at me and blaming me for it! Then later that afternoon he sends me a text saying, "I'm so sorry" and "I don't want us to be mad anymore. I feel terrible about us."

So I didn't reply to him until last night texting him asking him when he needed my things out. He sent me a long email with the bills I needed to pay and hoped that we could be friends someday. He joined a roommates.com site and I have a strong suspicion that he's talking to another woman on there (they're around the same age and often on the site around the same time).

Anyway, I definitely need help with my self-esteem because why would I care about all of this??? Please help...

pha1947 · Joined: 21 Mar 2008 Posts: 3

hi im new to the group,im 61 & my n was 48 good looking and very smooth
before i knew it she moved in with me.she did & said everything right at first
luckly i started my research early.although we were only together for 6 months until she started cheating.i asked her to leave.should i be concerned
that she will contact me.

pha1947 Surprised

blackrose · Joined: 19 Mar 2008 Posts: 9

Hi, I am also new to this site. Well, I have been reading from it for a couple of months now. I also just turned in my story as case study, hopefully it will be reviewed and I can get some sort of closure. Yesterday, I had to delete his cell phone number, because after three months of not hearing from him, it was getting too tempting. I would sit there wanting to call him, and I thought that would just invite further humiliation for me, and pleasure for him. No matter how these people treat us, I really believe they get a kick out of being chased.
Thanks to all of you for being there, I know it wasn't anything I did, and the outcome would not have been any different. I made a comment to a friend of mine, told her that if I had been the one making the initiative to see him more often the relationship would probably still be going on, she replied, "no, you would have seen the real man earlier, and you'd broken up with him long time ago." I still want to tell him how he made me feel, but again, it would give him too much pleasure. He is such a sick man, that I almost feel sorry for him, I now realize that the qualities I saw in him, were my own good qualities he was imitating.

aha · Joined: 16 May 2008 Posts: 1

I have a 24 year old son that I struggled to raise by myself.....dad never around physically, but did support financially. After all these years I finally accepted that he has ASD. It was diagnosed at age 18, but I didn't believe it. Now he's been fired for the 50th time (about-no exageration) and has no good prospects for a job. I had to kick him out a year ago after a year of not working or paying rent. He was eating me out of house and home, didn't attempt to pay back a $10,000 college loan in my name (never finished) and has stuck me with other debts as well. Call me stupid, or just plain full of false hope, but I finally woke up!!! My son will be homeless soon (my exhusband took him back for a while), unless he can con someone into letting him stay with them. He's pretty good at that, not sure if that is a blessing or not......I guess not. He uses everyone including his sweet sister who I have informed her of his condition so that he doesn't sponge off of her too. He has already gone that route, but no more.

Anyone out there have a similar situtation who can offer any encouragement to my act of tough love? Am I doing the right thing?? I fear he'll die an early death because of his self destructive behaviour. I've thought of contacting Dr. Phil to get some free help, but then he'd have to sensationalize our situation.

Lauren Crying or Very sad

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