Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

ironbutterfly777 · Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 1

My ex boyfriend was in my opinion a somatic narcissist, what i would like to know is do all somatic narcissists cheat? Or is there a small amount of exceptions to this general rule.... as I think i was his main narcissistic supply source or his 'island of......" << that was a quote you used in some of your literature i forgot the rest of the quote sorry.

Thankyou

samvaknin · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2230

Not all narcissists cheat.

Narcissists belong to two broad categories: the 'compensatory stability' and the 'enhancing instability' types.

I. Compensatory Stability ('Classic') Narcissists

These narcissists isolate one or more (but never most) aspects of their lives and 'make these aspect/s stable'. They do not really invest themselves in it. The stability is maintained by artificial means: money, celebrity, power, fear. A typical example is a narcissist who changes numerous workplaces, a few careers, a myriad of hobbies, value systems or faiths. At the same time, he maintains (preserves) a relationship with a single woman (and even remains faithful to her). She is his 'island of stability'. To fulfil this role, she just needs to be there physically.

The narcissist is dependent upon 'his' woman to maintain the stability lacking in all other areas of his life (to compensate for his instability). Yet, emotional closeness is bound to threaten the narcissist. Thus, he is likely to distance himself from her and to remain detached and indifferent to most of her needs. Despite this cruel emotional treatment, the narcissist considers her to be a point of exit, a form of sustenance, a fountain of empowerment. This mismatch between what he wishes to receive and what he is able to give, the narcissist prefers to deny, repress and bury deep in his unconscious. This is why he is always shocked and devastated to learn of his wife's estrangement, infidelity, or divorce intentions. Possessed of no emotional depth, being completely one track minded – he cannot fathom the needs of others. In other words, he cannot empathise.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal69.html

Question:

What is the typical profile of a homosexual narcissist?

Answer:

I am a heterosexual and thus deprived of an intimate acquaintance with
certain psychological processes, which allegedly are unique to homosexuals.
I find it hard to believe that there are such processes, to begin with.
Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological
make-up of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences – and a
heterosexual narcissist.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq18.html

Women narcissists

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq34.html

Narcissists are people who fail to maintain a stable sense of self-worth.
Very often somatic narcissists (narcissistic who use their bodies and their
sexuality to secure Narcissistic Supply) tend to get involved in
extra-marital affairs. The new "conquests" sustain their grandiose fantasies
and their distorted and unrealistic self-image.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq61.html

Question:

Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent
are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq29.html

Narcissists are repulsed and intimidated by intimacy

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal60.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.html

Our sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the
entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves
the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and
learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one's sexual predilections and
acts, the trained psychotherapist and diagnostician can learn a lot about
the patient.

Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted
and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and
the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory
delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a
"breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure
himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html

Narcissists are either cerebral or somatic. In other words, they either
generate their Narcissistic Supply by applying their bodies or by applying
their minds.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal21.html

Most patients with the Histrionic Personality Disorder are women. This
immediately raises the question: Is this a real mental health disorder or a
culture-bound syndrome which reflects the values of a patriarchal and
misogynistic society? A man with similar traits is bound to be admired as a
"macho" or, at worst, labeled a "womanizer".

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders17.html

She shifts uneasily in her seat: "I like to flirt. A little flirting never
hurt nobody is what I say."

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders52.html

Narcissists are afraid of intimacy and commitment.

Click on these links are read the articles:

It is an established fact that abuse – verbal, psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual – co-occurs with intimacy. Most reported offenses are between intimate partners and between parents and children. This defies common sense. Emotionally, it should be easier to batter, molest, assault, or humiliate a total stranger. It's as if intimacy CAUSES abuse, incubates and nurtures it.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

Intimacy Retarding Paranoia

Paranoia is use by the narcissist to ward off or reverse intimacy. The narcissist is threatened by intimacy because it reduces him to ordinariness by exposing his weaknesses and shortcomings and by causing him to act "normally". The narcissist also dreads the encounter with his deep buried emotions - hurt, envy, anger, aggression - likely to be foisted on him in an intimate relationship.

The paranoid narrative legitimizes intimacy repelling behaviours such as keeping one's distance, secrecy, aloofness, reclusion, aggression, intrusion on privacy, lying, desultoriness, itinerancy, unpredictability, and idiosyncratic or eccentric reactions. Gradually, the narcissist succeeds to alienate and wear down all his friends, colleagues, well-wishers, and mates.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal60.html

The narcissist does his damnedest to avoid intimacy. He constantly lies about every aspect of his life: his self, his history, his vocations and avocations, and his emotions. This false data guarantee his informative lead, asymmetry, or "advantage" in his relationships. It fosters disintimisation. It casts a pall of cover up, separateness, mystery over the narcissist's affairs.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismintimacy.html

The narcissist divides all women to saints and whores. He finds it difficult to have sex ("dirty", "forbidden", "punishable", "degrading") with feminine significant others (spouse, intimate girlfriend). To him, sex and intimacy are mutually exclusive rather than mutually expressive propositions.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq79.html

People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighborhood, with friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions with others in constant and predictable (safe) propinquity.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq69.html

Narcissists have no interest in emotional or even intellectual stimulation by significant others. Such feedback is perceived as a threat. Significant others in the narcissist's life have very clear roles: the accumulation and dispensation of past Primary Narcissistic Supply in order to regulate current Narcissistic Supply. Nothing less but definitely nothing more. Proximity and intimacy breed contempt. A process of devaluation is in full operation throughout the life of the relationship.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a "breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html

http://samvak.tripod.master.com/texis/master/search/?q=approach-avoidance

Question:

What is the mechanism behind the cycles of over-valuation (idealization) and devaluation in the narcissist's life?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/devaluationidealization.html

Thus, paradoxically, the worst his anguish and unhappiness, the more relieved and elated such an abuser feels! He is "liberated" and "unshackled" by his own self-initiated abandonment, he insists. He never really wanted this commitment, he tells any willing (or buttonholed) listener – and anyhow, the relationship was doomed from the beginning by the egregious excesses and exploits of his wife (or partner or friend or boss).

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.html

Thus, on the one hand, the narcissist feels that his freedom depends upon re-enacting these early experiences. On the other hand, he is terrified by this prospect. Realizing that he is doomed to go through the same traumas over and over again, the narcissist distances himself by using his aggression to alienate, to humiliate and in general, to be emotionally absent.

This behavior brings about the very consequence that the narcissist so fears - abandonment. But, this way, at least, the narcissist is able to tell himself (and others) that HE was the one who fostered the separation, that it was fully his choice and that he was not surprised. The truth is that, governed by his internal demons, the narcissist has no real choice. The dismal future of his relationships is preordained.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to abandonment.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq29.html