Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

tinamarie · Joined: 24 Feb 2008 Posts: 7 Location: Midlothian, Va

Hi everyone. I hope to find comfort in this site and meet some nice new people. Here's my basic story...

I just left my narcissist of two years about three weeks ago due to his poor treatment of me and his alcohol and drug abuse. He didn't think he had a problem, which is odd because he often vascillated between admitting he had a problem to not admitting it. He always sought to control me, blame me, hurt me, instigate with me, etc... He presented rather normal on most occasions, at least to others. Though I knew the signs from the beginning and ignored them because I felt regretful leaving a great former fiance, waned to punish myself, and was living on a 500 acre farm alone.

So, I moved in with my narcissist a year ago after he was very mean to me while we were dating. What is hard to understand, is that I am a therapist (MSW but almost have my license), someone who "should" be able to spot these people a mile away, but I think because my dad was a narcissist, that I accepted his behaviors more than the average person would.

I've been out of the house (my stuff is still there) for nearly three weeks and he tried to contact me many times, though I remained strong and didn't let him suck me back in. Then on a few occasions I did let him "win". I asked him to come see me at work and stay the night (there are houses on the property that I sometimes stay in). He made up a lot of excuses (needed an oil change as it's 1 hour and 45 minutes away- a commute that I did four days per week for him), the dog doesn't travel well, he'd have to take off work, etc... Well, he came anyway, but on the way to see me he called me to yell at me telling me it wasn't worth driving so far away and even cursed and me and hung up the phone.

Then he gets there and says, "Sorry, I'm just a bad traveler." Then we drink a little (as usual) and later in the night after a comment I made, he choked me then left. He then sent me an email the next day yelling at me and blaming me for it! Then later that afternoon he sends me a text saying, "I'm so sorry" and "I don't want us to be mad anymore. I feel terrible about us."

So I didn't reply to him until last night texting him asking him when he needed my things out. He sent me a long email with the bills I needed to pay and hoped that we could be friends someday. He joined a roommates.com site and I have a strong suspicion that he's talking to another woman on there (they're around the same age and often on the site around the same time).

Anyway, I definitely need help with my self-esteem because why would I care about all of this??? Please help...

pha1947 · Joined: 21 Mar 2008 Posts: 3

hi im new to the group,im 61 & my n was 48 good looking and very smooth
before i knew it she moved in with me.she did & said everything right at first
luckly i started my research early.although we were only together for 6 months until she started cheating.i asked her to leave.should i be concerned
that she will contact me.

pha1947 Surprised

blackrose · Joined: 19 Mar 2008 Posts: 9

Hi, I am also new to this site. Well, I have been reading from it for a couple of months now. I also just turned in my story as case study, hopefully it will be reviewed and I can get some sort of closure. Yesterday, I had to delete his cell phone number, because after three months of not hearing from him, it was getting too tempting. I would sit there wanting to call him, and I thought that would just invite further humiliation for me, and pleasure for him. No matter how these people treat us, I really believe they get a kick out of being chased.
Thanks to all of you for being there, I know it wasn't anything I did, and the outcome would not have been any different. I made a comment to a friend of mine, told her that if I had been the one making the initiative to see him more often the relationship would probably still be going on, she replied, "no, you would have seen the real man earlier, and you'd broken up with him long time ago." I still want to tell him how he made me feel, but again, it would give him too much pleasure. He is such a sick man, that I almost feel sorry for him, I now realize that the qualities I saw in him, were my own good qualities he was imitating.

aha · Joined: 16 May 2008 Posts: 1

I have a 24 year old son that I struggled to raise by myself.....dad never around physically, but did support financially. After all these years I finally accepted that he has ASD. It was diagnosed at age 18, but I didn't believe it. Now he's been fired for the 50th time (about-no exageration) and has no good prospects for a job. I had to kick him out a year ago after a year of not working or paying rent. He was eating me out of house and home, didn't attempt to pay back a $10,000 college loan in my name (never finished) and has stuck me with other debts as well. Call me stupid, or just plain full of false hope, but I finally woke up!!! My son will be homeless soon (my exhusband took him back for a while), unless he can con someone into letting him stay with them. He's pretty good at that, not sure if that is a blessing or not......I guess not. He uses everyone including his sweet sister who I have informed her of his condition so that he doesn't sponge off of her too. He has already gone that route, but no more.

Anyone out there have a similar situtation who can offer any encouragement to my act of tough love? Am I doing the right thing?? I fear he'll die an early death because of his self destructive behaviour. I've thought of contacting Dr. Phil to get some free help, but then he'd have to sensationalize our situation.

Lauren Crying or Very sad

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geegee · Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 1

I hope this works because I do not know how to write a new post, only seen the option to quote.

Well this is my story. I grew up in an abusive home with my mother, father and little brother. For the most part my father was mentally, physically & emotionally abusive to my mother, and I am sure to us too somewhat. We also had a family dog that he used to kick around, until one day he just let him go on the streets. My mother did have substance abuse problems, but she always took care of my brother and I. Looking back now, I know both of my parents didn't grow up in a good home and honestly never had the right to have children. My mother brought us to a safe home, while my father fought for custody. My mother won custody and we sold our house and moved to another school district. My mothers substance abuse problems got worse, so we moved in with my father. During the divorce I think the hardest part was hearing my father rant and rave everytime we went to visit him, about him being the victim. All was well moving in with my dad initially. He started gradually to get either verbally, mentally, emotionally or physically abusive if there was a dish left in the sink, a door unlocked, a drawer or closet open, etc. My brother and I just learned to walk on eggshells although it is apparent that nothing you did, could appease him. It wasn't until I was 20, or 21 years old that I moved for good, with one 9 month move then back again. I recall that hell! He came into my brother and I room with a belt at 2am because the backdoor was unlocked. In that time I endured other abusive ways that I just coped with. I finally moved out for good and in the same place 6 years later. It wasn't about until a year ago as an adult that I looked into what my fathers actions were through research. I did remain in a relationship with him, but even as an adult I was verbally and mentally abused, plus I had to listen to him talk negatively about everyone and I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew this was a fake, silenced relationship. My father had all the signs of narcissism. It described him perfectly. I finally wrote a letter a year ago to him in hope his condition would be magically changed once I stated how I felt. I endured more abuse, and of course my thoughts and feeling would never be validated by him.

It was hard to discontinue a relationship with my dad. But through research and reading from counselors that it is okay, I got my validation. I knew in my heart it was wrong and this was the best thing to do. I felt helpless, like my world was crashing down and that maybe I was making the wrong decision. He knew I wasn't continuing a relationship because I told him and he tried to distort my reality once again.

I knew I had to seek therapy to get past this. To learn to discover who I was and to build and find my strength.

In between that time, my coke addicted mother and I seen eachother again. But as an adult, not a child I realized that I can not help her. She stole money from me, and it was very painful to see my mom like that.

As of now I choose not to have a relationship with either parents. I can say that I forgive them though. I just wish them well.

It was three months ago that my grandfather on my dads side passed away and while I went to the wake and funeral I did not correspond with my father. He showed no real emotion, but anger towards my brother at the wake. That built my strength even more to know that he had no power over me anymore.

Its a journey, life! Its true as a child you can't make these choices, but I think as an adult you get to protect your own child within and can start to pick up the pieces, that were left behind.

With Love to all
Gina[/i]

suckerforcharm · Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 43 Location: Hell's Half Acre.

My remarks here are made to the general population about no one in particular.

This forum serves many good purposes, such as for people to tell their stories, get advice, be among other survivors, or to just simply get relief by telling some other people their problems to name a few. Many here not only suffer emotional pain and suffering, but also suffer physical pain and suffering as a result of their misfortune with P's or N's.

But what else I have noticed here appear to be predators coming in with false stories seemingly making fun of those of us with real pain and real problems because of P's or N's. It reminds me of that jerk cop that is making fun of my problems. It's really sick and demented for people to do this. At least the P's and N's are wired wrong and maybe some excuse can be made for them. But those that make fun of others pain and suffering in my opinion are worse than the P's or N's because they have no excuse other than being total wastes of human flesh. In my case my anger level is much higher for that jerk cop for making things worse than it is for the P.

msgem · Joined: 27 Jul 2008 Posts: 2

I need this suport group because I have been trying to break free from a psychopathic narcissist once and for all for the last 7 years. I am hoping to know what it is about me that lets this toxic relationship continue.

I have moved several times, changed my telephone number numerous times in fact I changed it yesterday after he called me over and over the last week.

I have filed for stay away orders, but he so smooth he tells the judge I call him so the order gets denied, that happens because I fall for his lies and pretenses of friendship time and time again.

It can be 6 months to 1 year that I get away when I do get free of him, but he keeps tabs on me and lurks in the background it seems and waits for an opportunity to force himself into my life again.

This last time he did that was back before the 07 holidays, he pleaded for another chance that he was so sorry and everthing would go my way. I managed to keep him at arm length to see if he had really changed but in a matter of months he went back to his usual ways because he was nice just up to Valentines day so of course it was all a trick just to get my telephone numbers and make me sorry I ever met him.

He knows all my secrets so he is constantly blackmailing me, threatening to call my job and tell them I lied on my resume. he delights in the fact that he knows about the skeleton's in my closet.

I tape his phone conversations but he always manages to make it seem like I am the wrong one, that I use him when in fact it's just me falling for his offers of friendship, I just forget who I am dealing with. He knows my personal business and I have made the mistake of letting him help me a couple times in hopes of his sincerity, big mistake, I know that now because he twists it around and throws it up in my face.

I feel I must be in denial that this is happening to me. I think I am hoping that he will snap out of it and just be normal.