Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Narcissus · Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 5

Hello, I've joined up after many months of reading this excellent forum to ask you all about your specific experiences of the psychopath you know being diagnosed.

How were they diagnosed?
How did you persuade such a person to see a psychologist/psychiatrist?
How did they react to the news that they were a 'psycho'?
Did some attempt genuine change? Did others glorify their disorder?

Hopefully you can bring fresh insight to my thoughts.

Narc.

Narcissus · Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 5

That's a fair point, I didn't mean to be rude.

I am here because the subject of psychopathy interests me very much, my story is a work in progress and any support I hope to gain is from learning from and understanding peoples' stories about proven psychopaths in their lives, not from those who have chosen to diagnose another person in their lives as a psychopath with no real insight beyond an internet tickbox of what the disorder holds as a sterotypical example.

Going into a tiny bit of detail, I once wondered if I were a psychopath, based on the way I thought and lived my life at that time. If as a bad person (as I mostly was then, my perceptions of life left unchecked and unchallenged) someone who was an important figure in my life, eg a parent or partner, had labelled me as a psychopath I can't even begin to describe how damaging that could have been for me. Luckily in my case I had the reverse: supportive non-judgmental friends who didn't ditch me, which made me question everything a million times and consider human relationships and the subject of empathy from every angle. It was a huge mental journey, and the outcome could have been very different. In a sense my survival story is of myself.

My email is something of a sensitive area, if that tiny bit of your post could be removed I'd be grateful.

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 529 Location: Canada

"If as a bad person (as I mostly was then, my perceptions of life left unchecked and unchallenged) someone who was an important figure in my life, eg a parent or partner, had labelled me as a psychopath I can't even begin to describe how damaging that could have been for me. ...."

I think that if your parents or partner start labelling you a psychopath, it is probably because you are. I don't think any victim of a psychopath really cares how damaging it would be to the P. Their victims are too busy trying to survive and undo the damage the P has caused them.
I can't imagine nurturing and empathizing with a P. It doesn't make sense.
_________________
Caroline

Narcissus · Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 5

I don't believe that a parent or partner would necessarily have any more of a professional idea of what a psychopath is merely due to their role in life.
That's completely illogical. The point was also a theoretical one.

It seems to me a large majority of people here, as survivors, are partners who did just that - diagnose the person who harmed them in their life with a disorder. My point is where does your genuine understanding of it come from? How many of you have had genuine professional backing in support of your claims?

When the word 'probably' comes into it that's entering incredibly thoughtless and potentially damaging ground.

Did it come from a quick internet bullet-point summary about lack of empathy etc and an internet forum?

mikey#1 · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 12:54 am Post subject:

Narcissus,

I don't believe that too many of us have confronted and labeled our exs because we know that it does take a qualified professional to diagnosis. We come here to find other people who have experienced what we have. We do not post personal information on these people who have hurt us. Our goal is to get over them and move on to better things in our lives just as they have decided to do.

Surprisingly, a lot of people here have read books, articles, watched documentaries on TV and have also done research on the internet. The internet is not the only source of knowledge available to all of us. The decision that there is something wrong with our SO does not happen over night but is a process that is a slow and hard one. Of course there probably are people who make a quick decision about their love one but most think on it for a long time.

Personally, I think it does not matter what I call my ex. He was an abusive person. I would never treat anyone the way he chose to treat me. I am sorry if it offends you that we chose to use the terms psychopath/narcissist. Honestly I could say that my ex was a potholder. He will still be just what he is an abusive person. I am sorry if you are offended by this or feel like were are doing people a grave injustice. Like I tell people when they complain about how horrible the programing on TV is: You have a choice, change the channel or turn it off. I understand your need to share your opinion but truthfully if you do not like what you find here then change to a different website or turn off your computer. Until you have walked in my shoes, our shoes then you have no knowledge or can't possible understand what we have experienced, maybe you should not be so quick to come here and try to past judgment on us or try to lay a guilt trip. Sorry, I don't play that game any more.

mikey#1

Narcissus · Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 5

Despite your own judgement on the matter I'm not trying to guilt trip or pass judgement. I don't have an answer to the question that I asked (topic title) on whether some people here have had a diagnosed psychopath in their life, and how it came to be.

I would disagree with mikey in that I think many people on this site have labelled someone, with P and N and all that. Without medical proof. I'm not doubting or questioning your horrible ordeals at the hands of ex-partners etc, I'm questioning the behaviour behind the reaction of diagnosing.

It doesn't offend me, it interests me. The language is becoming quite defensive and I'm not entirely sure why. I'm certainly not accusing anyone of anything, I'm asking questions and getting straw man answers. This reaction has come solely from mikey and caroline's comment in particular offered an interesting perspective, so thank you for that.

Kelly · Joined: 21 Feb 2008 Posts: 16

Mikey - THANK YOU!!!!!

To Narcissus - please go elsewhere to spew your judgments and opinions. I discovered this support group two days ago and I treasure it and the people who genuinely choose to share their experiences, strength and hope. What I don't need is to read your analysis of who we are, what we think and say. From reading entries for many hours, I already know that I am among smart, educated people - mostly women - who have done the research I have done and know, without a doubt, we have experienced evil incarnate.

Already, I am very protective of this group and its importance in my recovery. I have spent only 5 days reading books, articles and websites, in addition to counseling, and know without a doubt that I've been engaged to the perfect profile of a psychopathic.

And Mikey is right, the label doesn't matter as much as the need to heal and learn from others who've gone through shared experiences. Isn't that the definition of a support group? Your comments are not supportive, and I, for one, would benefit from your absence.

Kelly

WindSong · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:51 am Post subject: Mikey? Zat You?

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!! Kelly too, but Mikey, I have watched you shine and I have watched you grow, and I love it when our members grow a backbone!

Just one question... Whatcha got against poor old potholders???? Wink

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mikey#1 · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:10 am Post subject:

WindSong,

I know I should not have picked on my potholders but I think I am bored with the old ones and need some new ones? Any color suggestions to liven up my kitchen? I want some that are thick, soft and safe to handle. My old ones are burning me whenever I try to get stuff out of the hot oven. I guess it is just too hot for the old pot holders to handle. Hey, Kelly, what colors do you have in your kitchen? Sweetcaroline51, what is your favorite kitchen color scheme? Just curious what colors you thought I could add to my kitchen. Thanks, in advance for your suggestions.

mikey#1

WindSong · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:20 am Post subject:

Ok, I am going to make two posts cause I wanted to get that one out to Mikey. I'm so proud of you.

Narcissus,
Are you taking your name from the Harry Potter series or are you just a smart ass?
Normally I wouldn't say nothing about this, but, uh, we've had a troll on our MSN P board who comes on there and says every once in a while "how you do know they are a P"..

Let me say that you have not been around an N or P or don't understand it or are one yourself. I don't know and I don't care. People here have not called them this because they ate spaghetti and farted and decided they were dealing with a person they think are N or P just because.

Most of us found Dr. Sam's writings or read some sites and a large bell that would knock you over went dinging off in our head and EVERY SINGLE THING that we felt and knew in our bones and hearts and minds suddenly makes sense. We know. We feel it. And we don't doubt it for one moment. We might still doubt ourselves about who is exactly the crazy one, but we know what we know about them because it is so obvious. And if you are here because you are with an abuser, you don't have an NP or N or P. They are generally like Mikey said, they are abusers. But they are generally mean terrible awful people that hurt for fun and gain and just because they want to.

I've been with an abusive wife beater and I've been with an NP. I know the difference. General rule is if it walks like a duck or talks like one, what is it?

AND, lastly, Neither Narcissists or Psychopaths ever seek help for their disorder because they think that nothing is wrong with them it's just the rest of the world that is so messed up. What is wrong with us mere mortals? They are GOD so why don't we get them and conform?

That's it in a nutshell.

Take Care,
WindSong
Site Administrator.
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WindSong · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:23 am Post subject:

My kitchen is white Mikey. I hate white. So easy and quick to see the dirt. When you got kiddies running around you want colors that will hide dirt and crap. So I try to keep my colors in a dark blue or brownish due to the color of the rug. yes, I have carpet in my kitchen. Wasn't our proudest moments as thinkers. My dad didn't want to go with formica and I hated linoleum. I would give anything to have linoleum now! Laughing

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Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
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mikey#1 · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:49 am Post subject:

Windsong,

Thank you for the color suggestions. Brown does not thrill me too much but dark blue could be interesting maybe with another color. Thanks for the suggestions.

mikey#1

WindSong · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:57 am Post subject:

You are most welcome Mikey! Glad I could be of service! Cool

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NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1327 Location: Connecticut, USA

I like to make potholders. Brown is best, because let's face it - new potholders only look good for a week or two, and look really crappy after the first time they get burned on the stove. Brown hides the burn marks. Or is it just my cooking? Maybe other people don't burn their potholders all the time? Oh sh*t, maybe it's just me!! Maybe everyone else's potholders stay perfect!

Well, reality of it is that my potholders look like crap. So I make my own and throw them away periodically. I make them out of leftover quilt squares. I have made some very pretty ones in the past as gifts. My favorites were pink and white. They looked so clean!

To spruce up the kitchen, you just can't beat red. A nice splash of color, I think.

WindSong · Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 3:16 am Post subject:

Hey Nancy!

I forgot to tell you guys that my oldest son uses my potholders whenever I make him wash dishes because he hates the feel of mooshy soshy food! LOL! I asked him what he was doing walking around with my pot holders and he told me.

I always use the ones you put your hands in cause when I was a teenager I burned my arm all to hell not paying attention to what I was doing and it got infected and was nasty. or did that happen when I was married? I can't remember to be honest, but it was right nasty.

And the worse thing was that I did it because I was not paying attention. And now I could use regular potholders because I burned myself and now I always pay attention when I am removing something from the oven. Am I a dope or what? Well, an ADD dope. Laughing

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Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
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