Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

Hi everyone--see alot of new names here. So glad to see others have found the site, and also glad to see many of the "old" people still here. Hi to you all and hope you are doing better every day. I have been trying to read and get caught up with whats been happening in your lives.

Yes, I have surfaced, made it through the holidays, and had NO hassles from FOO--amazing! Even got a tree up this year.

Still having issues and giant 3-4 day panic attacks about the pedophile sociopathic ex brother in law behavior, the physical and emotional abuse from my Nsis, and I am also getting a bit agorophobic, but at least I can say I am 17 months NC with Nsis and that is SO GRAND!! I just havent found a balance between self protection and moving forward quite yet. I am going to have a two year party though, in September, and you are all invited!!!

Today is the Nsis's birthday (who took on role of my emotionally absent mother-she is 16.5 years older than me). Sent her an anonymous email card from a new email address, with a picture of a rock which resembled a bodily function, with the word SH_T on it and saying "Have a Birthday" (not "have a NICE birthday" Very Happy

) and that felt really good! I know it was silly--but for me right now its all about getting the rage out without letting it boil in my gut. So I'm trying to get creative with some of the least harmless ways of getting it out. I'm sure that these things wouldnt work for everyone, but this and the stuff below and EMDR and CBT for the panic attacks sure have helped me. Hopefully next year I wont even REMEMBER its her birthday Laughing

Had knee surgery so now can walk again for exercise and endorphines, and breathe and move forward physically, which will I am pretty sure will help emotionally.

With the help of my T, I am learning to give her and her dead ex pedophile husband their abuses back with various symbols, like imagining doing all sorts of things from squashing them like bugs, to voodoo dolls, to engraving the incidents from their abuse (that haunt me even today) on rocks and throwing them in the large river near here to "give it back to them," to choking their necks, to castration of him, to burying them both alive and having people relieve themselves on them. It is very very satisfying and is making me feel stronger and allowing me to do something with all this anger. Turns out pillow punching and box kicking wasnt enough Twisted Evil

PS-newbies--it would be good to really heed Matildas sticky post --been there and I am very very greatful this board has been "put back on track." I commend the moderators-they really do care.

oak

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Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

Hi Oak.....I just happened to glance in here and seen that you were back. You have been missed.

I love the birthday card idea....I think thats a good one. Also glad that youre knee surgery went well. I know if I do not get some form of exercise, I feel a little weaker emotionally.

I did allow my mom back into my life after over a year of nc. Well it took a little more then a month and a half before she pulled her crap again. This time, others seen exactly how childish she is so I am nc and hopefully, this time for good. Now others are not telling me that I need to forgive her....yet.

It really is good to see you,
justmee
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If you can not deal with it, or change it, then its time to walk away from it.

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

hi justmee, it sure is good to hear from you again. if its not too scary or personal to put down here, if you could say what your N did this time, it would be great. it would give me great satisfaction to know that others saw it. my N did things so covertly.
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

Hi Oak....

Been having trouble posting. Well she came to my house in November. She was with a realitive, that is why I did not recongize the car. They came in and they stayed a half a hour. Very sweet to me.
My son let me know Christmas day that his girlfriend was pregnant. He told me that they moved the wedding from June to January. Lots of time there, lol. He told me that he only had enough invitations for a few invites. I told him to mail them to the out-of-staters and I would call and personally invite who he wanted there....one was my mom. So, I bit the bullet and did it. I called and let her know the date and where. She was excited.
The night before the wedding my son and his girlfriend were picking up the tuxes. In the store he ran into his cousin who is 20. They were standing there talking and in walked mommy dearest. She found out that invites were sent to the out of staters and why didn't she get one. My son proceed to tell her that she was invited, my mom called, she told me.
Her, no she did not and I am not coming. I can not believe you did not invite your own grandmother....he said by now she was yelling, he was embarrased. She stormed off, then returned to were the three of them where standing. She looked at his cousing and said...goodbye my dear grandchild, grandma loves you and walked past my son. I asked him, do you want me to call her again...his answer no.

The next day, a few hours before the wedding, my sister calls me. Hey she says, you did invite me and mom right? I say yes. She asked if I could do her a big favor and call mom and invite her again. I then told her what happened, and told her to ask her own son if she dosent believe me. I said I will not call her every again and she is no longer invited. My sister called back and said hey...I do not blame you, lets go to the wedding and have a good time.....we did.

Now, my sister, her son, my son and my daughter in law have seen it first hand. My daughter in law who never met my mother before told me she is scared of her......

sorry this is so long....but I do have validation that I am not the strange one, lol

so good to see you!!
_________________
If you can not deal with it, or change it, then its time to walk away from it.