Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Shadey Lady · Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Posts: 150

This is so funny and so true...

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you ususally find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in, to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants. The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" ( invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't-so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck,
( Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance".

In this position, your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken the time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday- the one that's still in your purse. ( Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor. You lose your footing altogether and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course,. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because you NEVER laid down toilet paper- not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain HER bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused, that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuosly to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a pice of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was that when you NEEDED it??" You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and exited the men's restroom. Annoyed he asks "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding). It finally explains to men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go the the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Just had to share this and hopes it lightens your day. (author unknown)

Peace, Shadey Lady

disengaging · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 1336

Shadey,

Naughty girl, you've just betrayed all the "secrets" of the ladies room that have mystified men for centuries!

(Oh, and always carry lots of disinfecting wipes in your purse.)

MomInPain · Joined: 25 Feb 2008 Posts: 20 Location: Maryland

Why the heck don't they mount a bar on the stall door?

Something to grab onto in order to hover more efficiently & avoid spraying the seat, therefor not having to wipe it off when we're done. We all do that, right ladies? Wipe the seat if we spray. Right?

Remember - to you, your own urine is sterile.

"Please be sweet & wipe the seat!"

MomInPain

wendy d · Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 186

Some one was filming me without my knowledge how else would they know so much about this incident!
Seriously this is funny and so, so true that you had to be there to understand and write this.
By the way I carry a purse size bottle of instant sanitizer spray with me. Drys instantly so is great for spraying before touching those yucky bathroom door handles and spraying the seat after a pre-use wipe as it is dry by the time you sit down.

Wendy d
(hate public toilets with a passion)

thegabrielle77 · Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 409

OMG Shady am in tears over here...laughing. It truly is a test being a woman and using public bathrooms!

Thank you, this is sooo true but also funny!