Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

HobbitsMama · Joined: 24 Dec 2007 Posts: 21

She can be okay sometimes. Other times she can be really psycho.
She was very verbally abusive to me at times when I was a kid then she could do some really nice things too. If I confronted her about anything negative she said later, or around my dad she would deny ever having said it and twist it around to how I was the one at fault.

I am married with a two year old son. She apologized for giving me a tough time in childhood when I was pregnant and asked to be allowed to be a grandma. I realized that was a huge thing for her to do. However I still had a hard time trusting her and she has done a few catty things since my son was was born. Our relationship was a bit strained, but civil from then until this October.

In October I met with my parents and 2 little brothers in another town. My step mom had gone off with my brothers to look at clothes for them. My dad, was sitting next to my son in a restaurant booth. My son is 2, btw. Hobbit decided to throw a crayon. My dad whacked him on the side of the head. Then he said, "Sorry, I should not have done that."

I said, "We don't hit because we are trying to teach him not to hit." He apologized and I thought that was the end of it.

I also took away all of the crayons from my son until he said, "No throw! Be happy!" (translates to "I won't throw! I will be good!")

Later as I was moving stuff from their car to mine to leave I overheard my dad talking to my step mom. He was bragging about how his little bit of violence made my son behave. He said something about me not wielding a big enough stick or something. I didn't say anything or make it seem like I had heard. I just got in the car and left.

I know I lost my mom long ago. I always thought I at least had this father who was kind and just a bit spineless around his manipulative wife. Has he been so brainwashed by her that he thinks he has to report smacking his grandson to her to get a pat on the head? Or is he really that cold that he thinks whacking kids in the head is appropriate discipline for minor infractions?

I called later and I talked to my dad and told him that I did not feel respected. I said I would need to feel respected before I would continue a relationship with them. It was short sweet and to the point all though I could hear his surprise and sadness in my decision. I felt like an arse, but I got through it felt that there was good chance for a resumption of pleasantries at a later date.

Not too long after that I got a call from my step mom. She explained how this was not them being judgmental about me, but me being judgmental about them. I am calling in to question their competency as parents and insulting my father, which makes me the judgmental one.

She said they had never been anything but supportive and tried to accommodate me. This is the old game from childhood; berate the snot out of me and then in a moment of good spirit flow with compliments. She never seems to recall ever having said anything other than the positive. She acts shocked when I recite back to her what she has said to me and assures me that she never said that. When you are a kid this type of messing with your mind really works. You think, "Maybe she didn't call me all those names and tell me I was too slow to ever hold a job. Maybe I am the crazy one. Maybe this is all my fault."

She doesn't seem to recall all of those times she made negative comments about my parenting. There is a surprise!

She also added in a bit of grandparent rivalry by trying to compare her and my dad with the in-laws. She ticked off the list as to why she and my dad are the better option. (Really? This is why I should not be angry and just let my dad smack my son, because my FIL did soemthing annoying three years ago?)

I did just agree to see them in January. My step mom has not been pleased with my refusing to see them over the holidays.

Just before Xmas I got a call from her saying they got the package I sent. Then she went to this:
SM - "I got a package from your in-laws. It sounds like they are going to get to come see you on Christmas."
me- "Maybe, my SIL went into surgery just about an hour ago for her gallbladder. They might not make it now."
SM - "(baby brother) is really sad he won't get to see you on Christmas. He really wanted to watch (my son) open presents."
No, "Gee, I hope she is okay!" or anything. She just continues on with her agenda. And I don't appreciate her using my brother to play on my emotions. I love him and hate to think of all of the crap she is saying to him about me.

I lose so much if I refuse to see them again, but I also lose if I do. I don't imagine there is ever any way to get her help for her insanity.

I feel overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. I kind of want to call off even meeting with them in January, but at the same time I don't.

Thanks if you have made it this far in my rambling,
Ellie

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

Hi,
This is emotional blackmail, I wouldn't want them round my children either.
The hurt goes deep of years of being abused, you can't just wipe it all out, hard as you have tried.
If it is too upsetting for you, maybe it best to cut them loose, or make it a very occasional visit. I would never leave them alone with your children if that's what they do.
Hitting your son then Bragging about it is horrible, and I am pleased you told him what you want from in your family.
You are precisely that, a family and please Hun don't feel guilty because you choose to do what is right for your children.
I salute you well done to you.
Please don't let anyone make you feel like this anymore.

Hugs
Movedon
xxxxxxxxxxx

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 619

Wow...
I can relate to the mind games!! N's have a way with turning the tables on us so they can avoid looking like the "bad guy."

They have a hard time admitting that they are wrong, or sorry or made a mistake... Instead they will make you look unreasonible.

N's are very competitive and jealous of the In-laws too.

Oh.. and N's have sellective memories.. only remembering what they
want to..

All these traits fit my mother to a tee so I can identify with this..