Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 946

Hey, I really need the pros help.

ExN's parenting time with our DD was suspended 6 months ago. He had been inappropriate with DD and his landlord turned in a video surveillance tape into the police. He was given a psych eval, then ordered to parenting classes, therapy, participate and DD's therapy, etc. He refused to do any of it, and he was ordered by the case manager (similar to a special master) to have supervised contact only. ExN challenged the case manager's ruling in court, told the judge he would never do supervised visitation, so the judge gave him some time to comply with rules. ExN refused to comply and that's how we ended up with suspended parenting time.

Last year, ExN didn't see DD for 5 months because he refused to pick her up at the police station. During that time period, my mom contacted ExN's parents, and offered to allow them to see DD at my mom's house. They refused. DD's birthday is this month. I can't have a conversation with ExN's mom without it turning into "please stop using your d as a pawn," etc, etc. It always ends with her screaming at me.

Just received a voicemail message from ExN's mom. I would like to think we can have a reasonable conversation, but that would be crazy of me. I know how the conversation would end. ExN's mom has my mom's phone number. ExN called DD earlier this week to ask her what she wanted for birthday/Christmas.

I'm really torn here. The side of me who understands Narcissism says no way, don't call her back, don't even ask your mom to call her back, but there is always that soft side of me that says this whole situation really isn't Grandma's fault.

I'd like some thoughts on this. I don't believe I will call her but would like some insight. It would be different if she called for DD. I would put DD on the phone. Thanks a bunch.

livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 946

Thanks Matilda.

I have been trying to get the nerve to call her now for about 24 hours. Everytime I think about calling her back, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I guess the truth is that I have really enjoyed not having to deal with the N or even his family. My contact with N has been pretty limited since his parenting time was suspended. Everytime I think of calling her, I remember her screaming at me last year when I tried to make sure that she and her husband could she DD if they wanted to see her.

livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 946

Well, color me stupid. ExN's mom called again earlier this week and I did speak with her. She asked me if she and her husband could see d, and I said yes they could, at my mother's house. I explicitly stated that ExN was not allowed at my mother's house. The conversation deteriorated rapidly from there. She said a lot of very mean and hurtful things to me but I did not take the bait. I did not yell back, I didn't exchange nasty remarks with her. I just stood up for myself in a fairly calm manner. This is a personal best for me. In the past, I have allowed the insults for a period of time and then finally exploded at her, which I know is the wrong way to handle this. It's exactly what she and ExN want me to do.

Well, my mom and I laughed because there was never any arrangements made for them to see d. Now I just received an email from the ExN asking if he can be there when his parents come see d. I guess the true agenda of the holiday phone call has now been exposed.

I'm still learning...

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

Congrats lived for staying calm amidst all the turmoil! GREAT job....sounds like your proud of you too....and you should be.......It's not an easy thing to do for sure...YET YOU DID IT! WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 946

Thanks Cookie. It isn't like the N and his family haven't sucked me a hundred times before... It has taken me a few years to finally figure it out. Next time though, I will work on not feeling guilty when Grandma calls because she wants to see her grandaughter. I should have seen through that emotional ploy.