Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

struggling · Joined: 25 Nov 2007 Posts: 3

Hello everybody,

My daughter who will be 40 in a few months, has never been able to keep a job and in fact has been fired from dozens and dozens of good positions. Either she can't get along with her boss or colleagues, or she takes a job she is beyond her capabilties. It is never her fault when things fail! I have been dealing with this ( and other) problems for over 25 years and have always been saddened and frustrated by her constant failures in life. In particular, her lack of empathy for others as well as her inability to hear even the mildest of criticisms, makes for a highly defended person. I would love to hear from others who have a child ( or spouse) with a similar situation.

midlands mom · Joined: 12 Dec 2007 Posts: 3

Dear struggling,

I feel your pain. I have a daughter just like yours. It is the hardest thing I have ever done to try to know what to do or how to help her. She is 36 this year and never has been able to hold jobs either. She has such an attiude of entitlement. She matches so many of the psychopath criteria, yet she has only been diagagnosed as Bi-polar. I am so tired of the trauma, and yet it's so hard to turn my back on her. How did you get your daughter diagnosed?

struggling · Joined: 25 Nov 2007 Posts: 3

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. She is seeing a psychiatrist but is so very sensitive to criticism that it will take years, ( maybe never) for her to see herself clearly. Her coldness and lack of empathy has always concerned me, but I never saw it as pathology. Now, when I think back to her early years, she showed little spontaneous warmth towards others. She played well with one other child but had difficulties if there were any more kids. I was always puzzled by that behaviour but now realize it was because she needed all the attention. Does any of what I'm saying sound familiar to you?

midlands mom · Joined: 12 Dec 2007 Posts: 3

Yes, it sounds very much like my daughter. She needs lots of attention and smothers her relationships by being so needy. She is very intelligent and very stubborn and thinks she knows everything. She does not believe she has any issues - all her problems are everyone else's fault, so I don't think she will ever be able to see herself clearly and doesn't want to go to counseling - they are always wrong and she is right. My psychologist says I should just stop enabling her (trying to help her) and let her hit bottom. That is so hard to accept. So your daughter was diagnosed as a psychopath? Or just personality disorder? Do they think there is hope of her getting better with time and therapy?

struggling · Joined: 25 Nov 2007 Posts: 3

She has a personality disorder. I too am told to stop enabling her and this is very difficult. What if she runs out of money? While this will not happen in the near future. do I stay silent and not help her out? She is so angry, blames everybody and leads a most unhappy life. It's a long story, but we speak not very much now. I will only be able to have a relationship with her if I can trust her ( in the way she treats me). All in all, this is a most difficult time.

midlands mom · Joined: 12 Dec 2007 Posts: 3

I know what you mean - it is harder with a daughter with this condition, I think. It is very difficult to think of the possibility of a girl living on the street. Maybe they would figure it out, I don't know. I just know I don't see this getting any better - actually, it seems ro be getting worse and it's been about 25 years now for me too. I have decided to seek therapy for myself and possibly medication. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to discuss options. It's just incredible that my little blond-haired blue-eyed, much wanted and adored child has ended up here. My heart goes out to you - it is really hard.