Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

rcsdgrl · Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Southeast USA

Hey everyone,
I am new to all of this. Has anyone had to deal with a daughter or son who has this disorder? I always knew my daughter was different, very needy, had to be given compliments constantly, very demanding, never owning up to doing anything wrong or hurting the feelings of other family members. In short, we all had to walk on eggshells around her. She is a grown woman now. I allowed her to come live with me while she went to college,and she and her son lived with me for three years. Everybody on the outside of the family thinks she is so terrific, she bakes cakes for everybody's birthdays and is always there when her friends have breakdowns. But I have also seen her drop close friends very quickly for hardly any reason and totally trash them to everybody else. I supported her during the three years and she and her son really trashed their living quarters. I don't want to ramble on, but I asked her to get her son to pick up his room and it escalated into this screaming from her that I thought she was a bad mom, that I didn't appreciate her, that I loved the other four children more than her, and that everything in her life that was bad because of me. She then left. Now she wants no contact with me, unless I appologise to her. I thought maybe I was a bad mother, maybe I was to blame, but none of my other children can see where she is coming from. We are all perplexed. I am hurt, I have cried until I can't cry anymore, and tried to figure out what I could have done differently I am confused, I hate being estranged from my daughter. Anybody else care to comment?

wownowfree · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 240

Hi,

I'm sorry you are going through this stress with your daughter. It's very painful when a family member has NPD. It sounds like your daughter is an adult with a child of her own. It's not clear from your post if your daughter lives with you. If she doesn't live with you, that will make it easier to deal with.

There is a forum for parents with a child of NPD. You may find more support/information on that forum. I wish you the best.

wownowfree

rcsdgrl · Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Southeast USA

Thanks, wownowfree,
I went to the forum for people who have children that are N. I had previously thought that forum was dealing with small children, but now I see it is for adult children. Maybe I can find how to deal with this situation in a constructive manner. Again, thanks.

femfree · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 654

Hi rcsdgrl

You wrote...

But I have also seen her drop close friends very quickly for hardly any reason and totally trash them to everybody else.
and

Now she wants no contact with me, unless I appologise to her.

Do you see the pattern? Splitting or, the devalue and discard. It's common in the personality disordered. Don't take it personally. everybody who challenges her will be tossed into the same bag.

http://nz.msnusers.com/CopingwiththePsychopathNarcissistChild/home.msnw

My advice to you is to immediately stop engaging in "unconditional love". Narcissists sense blood where others see only love and altruism. If – for masochistic reasons, which are beyond me – you still wish to engage this young person, my chief advice to you would be to condition your love. Sign a contract with him: you want my adoration, admiration, approval, warmth, you want my home and money available to you as an insurance policy? If you do – these are my conditions. And if he says that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore – count your blessings and let go. Omar al-Khayyam, the famous Persian poet once wrote: when you want to have the bird – set it free.
Adolescent Narcissist A Case Study FAQ #16 By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq16.html

http://nz.msnusers.com/CopingwiththePsychopathNarcissistChild/coping.msnw
_________________
Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer;
nothing is more difficult than to understand him.
Fyodor Dostoevsky

sorrow · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 146 Location: Stavanger,Norway

yahssis · Joined: 15 Nov 2007 Posts: 4

Hi all

I have the same problems, except for me, it's my N daughter.
She is 18, pregnant by her 16 yr old boyfriend and is going to school while living here at home making my life HELL!

From the time she was about 2-3, she showed signs of obsessional defiant disorder which, I believe has escalated into full-blown narcissism/borderline personality disorder. She has been vicious for years, mostly taking it out on me as her scapegoat or sometimes on her younger sisters.

She is pregnant and 18 as I mentioned, and she believes she runs the world! Nobody is as pretty, smart, sensible as SHE, in her eyes, and people who don't understand what she means when she speaks are considered STUPID. I battle ADHD, which means it takes me a while to comprehend sometimes, so therefore, to her I am old, washed up and retarded.

She is now trying to come between my husband and me, telling me that the furniture is HIS, not mine, and that she can do what she wants cause she has more right to be in our house than I do.

She is just EVIL with her mouth and attitude toward me, has no respect whatsoever, has turned her boyfriend's family against me by telling them that I spoke evil of them, and feels ENTITLED to do whatever she wants in her life.

Personally, I want her OUT of my home but my husband will not kick her out cause he wants a relationship with her and his granddaughter. He's about almost out of chances with me...if he chooses her over me, he WILL lose me. It's gotten down to that point.

~Laura
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~ALWAYS hope