Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Hi everyone, I have a previous post about Three Years on D&D 5th time. In there I noted that I had still some very unimportant items at my his house. He keeps texting me as to when I am going to collect them. I get one about every four days! I truthfully do not have the strength to drive out to his house, knowing that only four weeks ago I was supposed to be living there safely (so he said).
He has texted me again, saying i just want to put an end to this ugliness, please collect your things on Thursday between 9am and 1pm.
So I text back to say that I am unsure whether I can and why should it matter so much. Now reading other posts, NC is the only way to go. He just said that I over dramatise everything, can't I be normal and just put an end to this. So yet again, I am in tears, feeling so unloved, yes discarded again, and nothing to this man. I am sick of feeling this way, I just don't know how I am supposed to get over this hurt of being a "nothing person" in his life.
Why oh god damn why did I have to meet him. I'm a mess right now, if anyone has got any good advice, please help?
thanks
Mel
_________________
MGx

Mildred1 · Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 386

Melinda -- I know how you're feeling... I can taste your pain. We have all been where you are today. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do but to stop all contact with him so that you can regain control over your life. It is true! I was opposed to NC until I realized how much confusion he brought to my life every time I spoke with him. I couldn't believe that he wasn't the person I had fallen in love with. Each and every time I spoke with him, I fell deeper and deeper in the hole. I wanted to believe .... just as much as you do.

If you have no desire to pick up your things... then don't! Change your number.... don't pick up his calls... Do whatever you need to to put yourself back together. You now know the truth about him.... don't let him abuse you emotionally again. He has done it enough.

Emotional abuse ceases when we say "NO MORE". Fight for your freedom... fight for your peace of mind.... fight for your emotional health. Take it one day at a time... only one day at a time.

I'll be thinking of you today.

Mildred1 · Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 386

I hope this picks you up! Listen to the lyrics.... it is a wonderful song.
Love,
Mildred

http://www.myspace.com/ronniefreemanmusic

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 529 Location: Canada

Hi Melinda,
I really feel for you and the pain you are feeling. I know how desperate it can feel. I know we have to work through the pain , sorrow and anger and it takes time. In my opinion, it cannot be done without total and complete no contact. You will never be able to move forward while he is still lingering in your life. Take Mildreds advice. Either send someone to pick up your stuff or forget it altogether. Then again, change numbers, email addresses, whatever. Implement no contact so you can collect your thoughts and begin the healing process. Trust me on this one. Stay strong.
xxx
_________________
Caroline

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Thanks for the replies ladies. He texted me again to blame me for everything and why he felt he should get me to leave after only having moved in for two weeks. Said it was because he can't stand my kid and living with her and my inability to focus on our financial future. He wanted me to move in with him all year, and he knew this was the reason I did not want to! Said my life is all the rude words you can muster up and that he knew exactly what kind of life I would have without him - nothing! After many more abusive comments, he then sends another text to say that he would never have another woman in his life thanks to me, and that this was the last time I would hear from him - goodbye and goodluck!
Its mental, how does he go from venom to actually wishing me well?????
Thanks
Melinda
_________________
MGx

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hun thats the way they are, from volatile to wishing you well,
((((((hugs)))))))
How really cruel of him, please take these words hes put in the text and save it when your even considering going to contact this man take that out and read it.
Change your email your mobile number your house phone number, why allow him to feed his verbal rubbish on you, hes cruel and venomous
go strictly no contact and begin to heal, stop dancing with this devil hun.
He certainly doesnt deserve you!
When he says he cant stand your "kid"what he means is hes jealous of the affection you give to her because he wants it all.
When he says he'll never have another woman do you believe that?
I know love your hurting right now but what kind of life will he give you and your child, hes like a child who wants all the attention and when he doesnt get it hell stamp his feet and hurt you , or walk away.
WE are all here for you please keep writing
If you stay No Contact with him yes it will hurt but he will be out of your life.Peace of mind is tons better, after living through seven years of this hell believe me what I say is true.
HUgs
Movedon
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Thanks for replies, I really need it right now, so very happy anyone is taking notice of my pleas!!
He said he will not contact me again - do you think I really need to change my number then? I know what he means when he says he will never be involved with another woman again - he said he was so 'jaded' by woman after his ex-wife left him with his two girls. He said it took him two years to get back out there - and who was waiting for him ME!
I just can't fathom how I was the love of his life, the only one he has truly ever loved etc etc only five weeks ago. I know the only thing for me to do is not be baited when he contacts me, but I think he is probably gone for good now? Any thoughts?
Thanks again
Melinda
_________________
MGx

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hi Melinda, If you dont want contact again then change your number,stay no contact I know its upsetting it hurts like mad but hes not worth ruining your daughters life for is he?
If he resents her now after a short time what would he do in the future
You have had a lucky escape try thinking of it that way.
Spend some time on you, it does hurt your self esteem so try and work on that.
He doesnt deserve you hun if he can be that nasty to you both, your better without him.
The more you read the more you'll know just how changing your number and mobile phone number block him on the computer shut every door and look after you cos your worth it hes not.
((((((((hugs)))))))
Movedon
xxxxxxxx

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Hi ladies, I can't believe I miss him today - quite teary actually - I don't work Thur or Fri so this is usually when I have trouble. I do have a counselling session so that short sort me out a bit!
The Indy carnival is on here (motor racing) which is a big event for the Gold Coast and we were supposed to be going together. I think I feel sad, because I know he will be out there, having a great time non the wiser to how I feel. I will not be going anyway, tickets are expensive and I have to save at the moment.
Today, I am supposed to be collecting my things (as per his request) between 9am and 1pm!!! I will not be. So I am anticipating a text message from him this afternoon which will probably be volatile and advising he will be dumping my stuff.
I will not contact back - I hear what you are all saying - this is the only way to go.
I feel upset today - I thought he was the one! For many months, his true personality would be hidden - I did always wonder when it would appear though! The things he has said about my daughter baffle me - he has been very good with her - plays with her gives her a lot of his attention - taught her to ride her bike - collect her from school care etc. Plus we used to spend at least three days of the week at his house anyway, he was very well aware what a 5 year-old is like (plus his kids are 8 and 9). So I don't see how it became such a massive problem after we officially moved in. It took two weeks for him to flip!!! Two weeks he spent on the couch and ignored me. Then I was gone - I feel like I am in some bad dream.
Mostly I kick myself for being so stupid to think that what he was dishing out was somehow acceptable!
_________________
MGx

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

hi, Malinda hun,sorry your feeling low today.Have you got someone who could pick your stuff up for you? or have him drop them off at a neighbours house while your at work? Its always bad on the days when you havent got anything to occupy your mind with.
He was good with your daughter before, but as soon as you moved in he turned? Maybe he was just being nice until he got what he wanted
The fact is he was cruel a five year old is bubbley and lively and if he cant accept that then hes never going to hun.
If he is an N then he will have a honeymoon phase where hes very charming,but it doesnt last long his real self will show through eventually I think jealousy of your attention is the main issue
Please try and do a lot of reading on Ns on here the more you know the better you'll be able to deal with it.
Noone can diagnose him on here but we are here to help you to get through this .
we care
(((((((hugs)))))))

Movedon
xxxxxxxxxxx

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Thanks movedon! I appreciate your prompt replies when for some of us, this may be the only support network out there! Well I got through the day, I had a good counselling session, opened my eyes a little more as to how/why I allowed myself to put up with this for so long. This is the fifth time I have had to flee to go to my parents home!!!!!
My daughter has started to suck her thumb again, I figure she has some issues to deal with also. I know she misses his girls very very much.
I did not get a text message as I thought, probably because as I mentioned he is off having fun. I did read the post about what changes you all feel after having left - I can too already see one major difference and that is that I can mother my little girl without anyone lookin over my shoulder to see if I am doing it correctly. I feel bad, because I have probably been too hard on her for three years now, due to him expecting me to 'discipline' differently. He would even complain if she was talking too much (as they do)! But you know what his girls are just little girls too, I never got up him on his parenting style (firm, very firm). Yet, he felt obliged to tell me how it should be done.
I think he knew he hit the wrong note when he asked me to leave after two weeks. I think however, that he is so stubborn, and unable to take blame for anything, that he just allowed me to leave instead of actually stopping me. He would rather stand than back down. It would have been too much for him to do. That's probably why he is now blaming me for everything and saying it was my decision to leave. When I moved the removal guys accidentally took his old microwave oven (probably worth about $20 now). He was going to sell it in a garage sale we were going to have after I moved in. Problem being, storage guys said too difficult to get it out everything is packed in so tight and up to the roof. My dilemma is, whilst I have this oven, he is going to keep pestering me. That's what he keeps going on about in his text. Maybe I should just put money in his bank account to cover and tell him I won't be collecting my mop, bucket salad spinner or the bracelet he bought me!!! What do you think? Or should I just do the NC and disappear - he would then accuse me of being a thief!
_________________
MGx

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

I'm so sorry...usually I answer a cry for help sooner than this.........luckily we have many good vets on the board........hon n/p's wont EVER take the blame for anything......NOTHING is ever their fault......sad but you cant possible convince them otherwise and it's a waste of time to try........and moving fast with the relationship?????Just another redflag of an n/p......Read over all the links on the site.......I cant begin to tell you how much help they offer........and were here for you when you need us........
_________________
I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

As for being labeled by him as a thief?????? My x used my atm card to buy lottery tickets(stole it from my billfold) and stole 2 outa 3 of my own kids with his lies...YET he labeled ME as the thief during the divorce.....thats how they work.......
_________________
I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

re this microwave you can either send him a letter and keep a copy saying that it was taken in error by the removal men and you will have it delivered to his home as soon as you can sort it out if however he doesnt want to wait get an estimate of date and year and model and send him the money or pay it directly into his account but keep all receipts and copies that way you within the law and you have shown your willingness to pay it back or find the original That covers your back in case he makes an issue out of it.
Re your treament of your daughter now shes away from his influence she will probably start to improve if your worried ask a doctor or a social worker please dont heap blame on yourself hun we all have listened to Ns advice in the past and followed blindly.
One thing I wouldnt do is enter into any rows over the microwave do it by writing and always always save copies

Hope this helps
(((((((hugs))))))
Movedon

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

I feel like perhaps I am going to head further down the well before I am going to be able to get up!! Still teary, unable to focus on where to take my future etc etc. He has not contacted me and I doubt he will until this motor racing event is over.
I think that is what is bothering me, I know he is out there having an absolute ball, whilst I have no money to even go if I wanted to! He's probably picking up other girls and wondering why he bothered with me. I have read and read and read. I spent most of today looking at sites on this subject and explanations for it all.
It comforts me for about an hour and then I just start crying again. I really feel like I wish I could hypnotise myself out of it.
I know how he has treated me is appalling. But the problem is, when it was good it was unbelievably good, then it was bad and it was down right cruel and heartbreaking.

Have any of you girls ever gone on to recover and find the same feeling of 'togetherness', 'match-made-in heaven', love of ya life kind of relationship after?

Thanks again - and your replies are helping me!!!
Melinda
_________________
MGx