Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

My ex-P husband changes how he looks with different women he's with. When I divorced him 3 years ago, he immediately moved in with a girl he met in rehab, when (of course) he came to see me about 3 months later, he had grown a goatee and dressed differently. He went back with her, and I didn't see him again for about 6 more months, this time he was back with another former girlfriend, taking drugs with her and living at her house, he has shaved his whole face. He left a suitcase in my car containing cards and pictures of his girlfriend, I didn't snoop they fell out, I was shocked at what I saw. There were pictures of him with her family that didn't even resemble the person I was married to, totally different way of dressing, he had her mother sitting on his lap, it was eery. Then one night, I actually saw him pull up in a rather expensive car at a drug store that I was going to, I almost passed out, because when he looked at me he acted like he didn't even know who I was, he was all dressed up in a suit, and looked totally different again. I followed him in the store, and he actually looked past me, like he didn't even know me, we were together 4 years before that. Last time I saw him, he had grown a moustache and was dressed like a teenager. It's so sick. I have nightmares every night about this, who was I with?

Kathryann

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1427

Good ol' (false) impression management at work, imo. Can't be what he is, so he appears to be something else to get supply.

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

about a month before I busted XNP cheating, he 'Mr. shaved chest' suddenly started growing the hair on his chest. First time in a year and a half, I asked him why, and he smugly said "because I felt like it"

Translation... new NS, OW... must not have liked his FAT, SHAVED BELLY!!!

Cool

stillsmilen
_________________
I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

sag07 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 537 Location: Elgin, IL

Kathy

God this is strange but true, I believe he didn't recognize you because to him you are not a real person, just an object. This type of behavioral has been recorded many time with NPD's. They sometimes don't even recognize their own children! It's true... It has nothing to do with you, it's just one of many traits with an NPD. Also this is why they "change" in dress, personality and so on! There is no real self. Only a fake self that will do whatever it needs to get what is most important to them. NS, support money or whatever short goal they have at that time in their life..

Sag

artichokeheart · Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 8:09 pm Post subject:

Weird. I never paid much attention to it but yeah, my husband would change his whole wardrobe all the time. And I mean, drastic changes like he'd go from wearing camo pants with Sketchers to wearing tight blue jeans and cowboy boots and stuff. It was weird. Not only that, but he'd try to get me to change with him. Like, he broke my first pair of glasses, picked out the second pair for me, and then six months later complained ALL the time about how ugly my glasses were. Maybe they have such a weak sense of self that they think if they change the outside the inside will change too? Who knows... I do think that my husband had at least a small sense that there was something REALLY wrong with him, but just didn't know what to do about it. We would fight and his way of apologizing would be to say stuff like "I'm not like other people". I wish I had realized how profound that statement was when we were still just dating. He really is not like other people...
Ugh.

ljleedom · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 58 Location: Connecticut

Kath.-

What are you passionate about in life? Can you get into that something to reduce the amount of ruminating you are doing about him? When I was at your stage, I sat for hours working difficult math problems just so I wouldn't think about the P.
_________________
LJL
ljleedom@aol.com