Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

sweetbrandy · Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 6

I am not sure if my husband is a psychopath or narrcissist, but something is going on. When we met four years ago he ommitted some importiant information about his life. He neglected to tell me he was a registered sex offender who was on parol at that time, and not supposed to be having intimate relations at that time with any female until he completed his parol, or he risked having it revoked. I found out about his sex offender status through the police. He also let on that he had been divorced for years, when in fact he was still married at that time. He has been divorced six times, and is now divorced from the woman he was married to when he met me. He is Seventy-three years old, and I am forty. I overlooked his lies because I was so afraid of loss, and afraid to end the relationship. He says I will never find anyone who loves me as much as he does, he he has never had someone who loves him as much as I do.
He also states the main reason he loves me so much is because I love him so much. We have been married for just over a year now, and we live forty minutes away from his ex-wife and their daughter who is now twelve years old. The strange thing is he has phone numbers of members of my family, but I have never talked to or met either his ex or his daughter. He activly discourages this, and has repreatedly seen his daughter, and refused to let let me meet her, and states he would pretend to not know me or who I was if he was with his daughter and ran into me in public.
He is very compartmentalized, and I know his ex-wife does not have our adress. He says she was in a serious car accident a few years back and is not right in the head. He states this as one reason why he keeps things so segragated. He also states he used to be associated with the CIA, and was an assasin. I don't know if this is true, but I think it is because he tells elaborate stoeies about it, and who could make that type of stuff up, and why would they? I know he has lied in the past, and suspect he still lies sometimes. I do worry I might unfairly judge him because of his past behaviour. I know he has lied, and there has been a loss of credability. I feel terrible I don't trust him-what if I'm being unfair? He knows all about me, but that is not a two way street. He expects me to provide him with my personal info., and states that he is my husband and has the right to no. He is unwilling to provide the same info. about himself. He says I should be glad he lied, because I would never have been with him if I'd known the truth, so I should be glad he lied instead of being upset and confrontational about it.
He says things, and then goes back on his word, or says he never said them when I know he did. He never says he's sorry, and says things are my fault, and he dosen't like questions. I'm confused, a little scaired, and don't know what's going on. Help!

_________________
" I used to think I was a lover of truth, and truth was kept from me. Then I realized there was a lot of truth staring me in the face all along. I did not see it, because I did not love it."

Lukky · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2407

Phewwwwww!!!! Welcome Sweetbrandy to the Forum!!!

Firstly we are not Professionals here so we can not tell you what your Husbands diagnosis is ok... However,,, despite this,,,, there are some definite huge 'Reg Flags' here that are of serious concern ok....!!! Ohhhh and I mean serious serious k!!!

Secondly he was a Registered Sex Offender when you met him and he broke his Parole conditions to be with you?? This is NOT good.... If he truly sought rehabilition he would NOT have broken these!!! That answer is black and white ok....

He lied about his Marital status!!! Six times!! He says you will never find anyone who loves you as much as he does!!! Your 40 Sweetbrandy and he is a man of 73!! Of course you will... He is an old man and you are a young woman!! He is a sex offender whose nearing the end of his life and you are more than likely the image of one of his daughters.... God only knows!!!!,,, with six previous wives there is likely a few!!!

Youve never met or have contact with the last Ex wife who has the 12 year old daughter,,, yet she lives so close!! Please tell me he doesn't have unsupervised access to this poor child??? Youve never met her and your married to him??!! This is huge!! I sure hope the last Ex wife knows of his previous Sex Offending history despite her 'supposed' head injury!! Sorry,,, you admitted his history of lying,,, so please don't be gullible enough to think at 73 he is going to suddenly become Mr truthful.......

He has access to all your private info but isn't prepared to provide you with his!!!

Look Sweetbrandy I could go on and on here and pick your post to absolute bits cause there is so much more there ok..... What I am wanting to do here is let you know this Man is a nasty piece of works that has told you a load of B/S and will continue to do so as long as you let him!!

I am probably being the bluntest I have ever been on this Forum because I am seriously concerned about the 12 year old as well,,, so my apologies for this.....If nothing else please put some things in place to keep this child safe!!!

Right back to you Sweetbrandy!! ...... Your married to a 73 yr old, lying, 6 x married, sex offender that is controls you right?? All I am gonna say is think very seriously about why you are where you are.... I sincerely hope we can help....

Hugs

Lukky
_________________
'The Best reaction is no reaction'

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hi and welcome to the forum, I wholeheartdly agree with Lukky here theres major red flags
His child needs protection I certainly hope she has it
That really worries me
Do you have children? if so please tell me there safe and not left alone with him.
The statement you made , "He also states the main reason he loves me so much is because I love him so much.
He only loves you because you love him? Hun that doesnt sound good.
Brandy please be careful, they can be the most charming people ever but they lie Your having major doubts and I would to , this is not a healthy situation.
As a child whos been abused, I know how it affects you for the rest of your life and any child should not be put in that situation.
Just a thought when he sees his daughter is his ex wife under the impression that your there, so feels safe letting her see him? and thats why he keeps you all apart?

Please read all you can on here and please check on his child or yours if you have any.

Hugs
Movedon
xxxxxxx

sweetbrandy · Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 6

Thank you Lukky and movedon for your feedback. My husband was accused of sexualy abusing his granddaughter, or step granddaughter. There have never been tests done to determine one way or anouther, but the girl's father clames to be my husband's biological son, and my husband believes he's not. Regardless, the girl he was accused of abusing was a granddaughter biological or not. Your right Lukky when you said he did not take his rehabilitation seriously. He never took it seriously, because he states he never did the things he was accused of-he got a bad wrap.
He states when he was married to his last ex-wife, he slept with his daughter-in-law once because he was having marrital problems with his wife at that time. He futher states his daughter-in-law went on to black mail him for money, and threatened to tell about their affair if he didn't comply. He says he paid a couple of times, and then quit. At that time his daughter-in-law apparently collaborated with her daughter, and they came up with these bogus charges. He states he had incopitent defense, he took a plea bargen and went to prison for almost three years. His parol lasted for exactly two years, he says he did not comply because he did nothing wrong in the first place.
In answer to your question Movedon, I don't have any children, and never plan to have any. In regards to his daughter, he says she, and her mother, don't want to meet me. He says his daughter does not expect him to get back with her mother, but does not want him to be with anyone else. He further states even though he mentioned once that he was remarried, both his ex-wife and daughter don't think of it that way in their minds-they think of me as the "other woman" and always will. This is anouther reason he gives for not introducing me to his daughter. His daughter was about 5 years old when this legal mess came to a head, as stated before she is now 12-they have not lived together as a family for a number of years now. This is the abreviated version, as you can probibily guess there's more dynamics. Some of them I don't know the full story myself.
I still feel i have some valid points regarding his unwillingness to be open minded about me meeting his daughter-but mabye I am wrong and unreasonable in wanting to meet her, thats what he says.
He visits with his daughter alone, as far as I know his ex-wife is fully aware of this. He has stated step-parents have no legal rights, and this is true. He says in his daughter's mind I havent earned the right to be thought of as a step mother or anything-but we've never met or talked.
I have never been present on these visits, and know reallitivly very little about these people. I don't have their cell #, and they have no land line. I honestly have no clear idea how I could protect this girl, nor do I know if she needs protecting or not. Hopefully some people from the group might have some suggesstions or insight.
Not that I would not want to help if need be. I just never quite know what to think. I'm to the point I don't trust my own convictions very much anymore. I welcome any comments/suggestions people may have-thanx again
_________________
" I used to think I was a lover of truth, and truth was kept from me. Then I realized there was a lot of truth staring me in the face all along. I did not see it, because I did not love it."

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

SweetBrandy, thanks for clearing up those points.
The problem is if he lies so much how do you know whats truth and what isnt?
He keeps you in a separate world and his reasons are flimsy to say the least
Please read all you can on this site about them,I think it will surprise you
Tell us how best we can support you
We are here for you
Welcome to the forum
Hugs
Movedon
xxxxxxxxx

Lukky · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2407

Hey SweetBrandy

Thanks for coming back and responding!! That says so much and I certainly empathise with the situation you are in... :!!!!

Goodness!!! the story gets thicker huhhh and you must be living an absolute life of "whats true and what not true!!"....

Are you safe for the meanwhile Sweetbrandy??? If so lets focus on the 12 year old daughter and keeping her safe ok,,,, then we can move on to other things... Youve said he has been accused of abusing a grandaughter?? With his history here I would not totally rule this out ok.. Chances are this little girl is at HUGE risk!! Ohhh and she is spending time alone with him.....!!!

I think you mentioned earlier the information you gathered earlier on was gained from tne Police...so you contacted them maybe??

How about contacting your local Child Protection Services and checking him out ok??? This can be done in most Countries anonomously... You can provide them with information and they have a duty to follow it up.... Please do this Sweetbrandy??? If you need some help finding the approprate place to contact and don't want to divulge too much on here feel free to email me with more details and I am happy to look into who you contact k....

lukky_2007@hotmail.com

Hugs

Lukky
_________________
'The Best reaction is no reaction'