Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

downnoutnsk · Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 38

Here's my question: I've been practising NC for two weeks, and although I know it's for the best, I've been bothered by the fact that my exN hasn't tried to contact me. Then I asked myself how I would truly, honestly feel if he did call right at that moment... and I felt fear. I got that feeling in my stomach that I get when I'm about to do something nerve racking like get on a plane or speak in front of a crowd (nerve racking for me Surprised

). I think it's because I know that he still has some type of power over me and his words and actions can still make me feel a certain way about myself. Almost like I know talking to him could not possibly have a positive outcome. I'm wondering if other people still feel like their ex has that power over them? Does that feeling ever go away? Are you able to talk to your ex or see him/hear his voice without getting that uneasy feeling in your stomach? Mine never hit me so it's not like I'm physically afraid of him, but emotionally I guess the power he has over me scares me.

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

I remember the feeling well but No he does not have any power over
me .

I am indifferent to him . He is a stranger and has no more affect than
any other stranger.

I forced the n injury and he has stayed away . I passed him yesterday
first time in over a year and while he about broke his neck looking at
me ( I caught it out of the corner of my eye ) to me it was a big so what .

All of this will come to you in time.
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illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Canada

Hi Down,
2 weeks is really a very short time although, I am really proud of you for taking the step to a better life. Eventually, with time and healing, he will have no more power over you. Spend this time trying to heal yourself and try to use your energy to understand why you ended up with this sort of person in the first place. I too think time is what heals us . Eventually, you will come to understand that he really was never worth your time or your energy.
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Caroline

downnoutnsk · Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 38

Thanks, I'm trying. Some days I feel great about everything, but I'm not completely over it yet.

Thank you for your responses. Matilda, I'll try to read that article when I get a chance.

downnoutnsk · Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 38

Wow. I just read that article and there were definitely a lot of things that hit home. I remember learning about Stockholm Syndrome in a university psych class, but I obviously didn't remember it well enough to recognize it as it was happening!!!

Can I ask another question? Does anyone have trouble discussing this stuff with friends or family? I know a lot of my friends don't really understand how what I'm going through is a little different than just an average breakup and I'm sure they wonder why I've had such a hard time getting over things. I know my father understands all this cause he's a psychologist, but I've been afraid to talk about it with my friends. When they ask me what happened I just blame it all on my ex's gambling problem and don't mention any of the other stuff. Actually, when I told my best friend that I suspected my ex was an N, she said, "Are you sure you're not just trying to categorize him because it's an easy excuse for why things didn't work out?" I got the impression she thought I was just taking all this personality disorder stuff too far so I just stopped talking to her about it. He never physically abused me, he was just really good at creating the atmospheric abuse Dr. Vaknin talks about, so I'm sure to a lot of my friends everything appears normal from the outside.

littlecat2 · Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:08 pm Post subject:

Hi there ..... 2 weeks is a wonderful first step ... you should congratulate yourself for being able to do that. I was exactly the same way at that point .... I totally wanted him to call, just to show he really did care ... I especially felt that when reading posts from folks whose N called them constantly (although they didn't like it). It made me really feel "thrown away" and insignificant. But, the longer you stay NC the easier it gets .... I have to say that now he is not even an issue in my life. Now and then, if I pass a restaurant we used to eat at, or a vacation place we'd go ... I'll have that brief sad thought .... but even those are getting fewer and fewer and shorter and shorter. Take care of yourself ... try to do some things you really like ... pamper yourself a bit. Stick with NC ... it's the best and only way with an N.
abby
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