Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

Dr. Vaknin,
Firstly I want to thank you for all that you do to help those of us who suffer the pain of dealing with N's or P's. I have learned much through your writings. One time you posted in one of my threads and gave me lots of links to read. I was very touched.

Here is my question about something that continues to muddle me.

I have been the target of emotional abuse/ verbal abuse within my FOO for my entire life.

Father was highly abusive to me yet adored my sister (two years older than me) who was father's abuser by proxy to me. She is/was the meanest of the whole family to me. Last December this sis D&D'd ME when I confronted her about ONE thing. She has abused me 50+ years and does not deny it to ME but hides it well from the rest of the FOO. She has been a sadist to me as was my father. Both parents are deceased. Mother was emotionally absent to all of her children.

Another N sibling abused me for 40 years until I confronted this person. The abuse ended but this sibling does not see any value in me yet is totally dedicated to the sadist sister mentioned above.

Now a third sibling is "harrassing" ME telling me that I am causing disharmony in the family because of MY "behavior" toward the sadist sister. I always thought this particular sibling cared about me somewhat. Now I finally see this sibling is not one bit about me and but full of agendas that I have always been expected to accomodate no matter what the cost to ME. I won't do it any longer and this does not sit well with this particular sibling.

Meanwhile even a few of the siblings' adult offspring have raked ME over the coals when on a handful of occasions when I refused to attend certain family events because I simply could not be around one or another FOO member because of the way they acted toward me.

Dr. Vaknin, what went wrong? Is it DNA related or learned or both? How does a family end up as a cold, heartless, self-centered, crazy family system? I feel like it is ME against an ARMY of N's as I don't have one ally within the FOO system. How do SO MANY in ONE family end up so emotionally unhealthy??

BTW.....to the public the FOO walks and talks the picture of good mental health. They have successful careers, they are revered by the communities in which they live and they have nice cars, houses and clothes. All of the cover-up stuff works well for them to keep on as they do in secret.
Regards,
Dreams

samvaknin · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2213

Thank you for your kind words.

n the vast majority of dysfunctional families, all or mlost members are mentally disordered. This is the rule - not the exception.

Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the
links:

Nothing is Happening at Home

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/wronghome-en.html

Genetics and Personality Disorders

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders27.html

The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal43.html

Narcissism at a Glance

http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismglance.html

How Can I Save My Child from the Narcissist or Psychopath?

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

Narcissistic Parents

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq5.html

The Narcissist's Dead Parents

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq54.html

Parenting - The Irrational Vocation

http://samvak.tripod.com/parent.html

The Narcissist's Mother

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq64.html

The Prodigy as Narcissistic Injury

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal89.html

Leveraging the Children

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

Tell Your Children the Truth

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

The Narcissist and His Family

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq22.html

The Cult of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal79.html

Narcissist, Beware the Children

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal36.html

The Narcissist as Eternal Child

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal92.html

The Inverted Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

Intimacy and Abuse

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

The Narcissist is Looking for a Family

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal5.html

Adolescent Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/case01.html

Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal22.html

The Delusional Way Out

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal42.html

The Development of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq25.html

The Dual Role of the Narcissist's False Self

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html

The Roots of Pedophilia

http://samvak.tripod.com/pedophilia.html

The Butterflies are Laughing

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/butterflies-en.html

Janusz Courts Dina

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/janus-en.html

Take care.

Sam