Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

shamusmachamish · Joined: 20 Aug 2007 Posts: 3 Location: UK

Narcissisus Meets His Match.

On that morning in May, I didn’t know
How much you were going to mess me up.
Too blonde for my taste, with long elegant hands
And at times a vulnerability I should have guessed
Was a weapon.

And all the veneer of my morality
And all the vanity and self-admiration
Of me thinking I was a good man
Came crashing down
Because I would have hurt people to have you.

Beautiful, elegant and clever and
Amazingly,
Uniquely able to look into me
And expose my conceit -
Which I took to be a revelation
Of your specialness.

(I should have guessed from that
You were my sister)

Once almost honest,
Admitting your manipulation if only I hadn’t let you off the hook
Like I always do
Like I always did.
Telling me you’d lied to me.
So I’d think you had a conscience

I’ll never know how much was faked
How much was real.
Of the looks and the touches and
The conversations that felt
Closer than mouth and cheek.
As if for a second we saw
Past the masks and recognised each other
Two monsters who walk among the living.

There’s no way to put in words
How sad you made me.
So I’ll just wrap it all up in tissue paper.
The broken, shiny bauble of my vanity.
And say no more.

Except to admit we’re two of a kind:
And what you did to me, I’ve done to others.

shamusmachamish · Joined: 20 Aug 2007 Posts: 3 Location: UK

Well, I learned a lot about myself from her. I figured out there was something wrong with her quite early on. (I still don't know if that vulnerability actually represents the pain she suffered in her childhood. I think it does actually. ) But then I realised we were very alike and that was perhaps part of the attraction. She isn't a monster really; she loves her father, she loves her children. But she needs that adulation and is bizzarrely grandiose at times. I don't hurt anyone on purpose. But I collect people who I cultivate to adore me and I use them to feed my self-esteem. I definitely think I have narcissistic traits. Someone made me laugh the other day, when talking about another person. They said "I love me. Who do you love?" and that sounded just like me.

Echo · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:37 pm Post subject:

I enjoyed your work there Shamusmachamish, and it is very powerful. And you know, from reading your post to Matilda - it really does get across what you meant to convey.

Got to ask you this, this is a site for people who have suffered abuse from narcissists. How can we help you?

Echo.

shamusmachamish · Joined: 20 Aug 2007 Posts: 3 Location: UK

Thanks. How can you help me? I know people suffer some terrible things but from my experience, and I don't mean to be patronising here, you won't be free of these people until you can forgive them. As long as you hate them then they will be with you as linked emotionally as when you loved them. So, I think what I am attempting to do is to show that the narcissist is broken inside and help you understand and forgive them. Which will irritate the hell out of them if you ever told them, but perhaps if that understanding is kept to yourself, you might find it healing. That did sound patronising actually but it was meant well.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hamish, I agree they are powerful words, and I can hear what your saying, I would also say, the hurt that they dish out is very hard for some to forgive and some may never forgive.
I am a long way down the line I hold no hate, just a sadness that I cannot warn other people about the hurt they have to come.
I do disagree however with the idea that forgiving them is a way of getting back at them, that also keeps you in the dance.
Thanks so much for sharing this I love food for thought, and I have a banquet here.
Thanks I mean that.
Hugs
Movedon
xxxxxxxxx

Zeemanfree · Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 47 Location: Connecticut U.S.

The hate turns to sadness and sorrow. You feel sorry for them. There is no forgiveness for me...I have forgiven one time too many. Im free now, I don't hate...I just realize that I never really loved...
_________________
There is no companion as companionable as solitude. - Thoreau

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Zee, I pray you will find love again but true love