Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Clueless1 · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 145

Went to see a new lawyer. He said it was really time for me to do something. Said I should just face it, I am going to be the bi**h of this situation. That me and XP would have already made a seperation agreement if we were going to be able to. $2500.00???? For seperation. Shoul I go this route? I have the house. It belongs to my parents. I can go after child support thru social services but P won't work cause then he might have to give me something. P sent mommy over to say he could sue me for half my income. Also kids won't see him. Lawyer said to stop being a WUSS (not the word of his choice) The Lawyer was very nice and supportive and ready to take on the case, but of course he is, $2500.00
I do not have that kind of money. Is it worth that to get the cars outta each other's names and settle who will pay the debts. I am already paying half the credit card debt and he refused to pay half so the ones in just his name have been defaulted for 3 months now. I need all the sdvise you all can give me. Is it gonna be worth it to go in debt for a lawyer?

pinkybubbles · Guest

I would- I did-

it will put you in total control of the situation- $2500 is not that much money when you calculate what financial losses your ex has already caused you and could keep causing you if he doesnt get put in his place-

I found have a solicitor was well worth it- all the problems felt like they were lifted of my shoulders and she took them on as her problems- P's hate keeping things legal so by you doing this he will know you mean business and thus gain control of your life again-

pinkybubbles · Guest

One more thought- I didnt go down the child support route because I know my ex would not pay - just because you are going to a lawyer doesnt mean you have to go down all the routes he suggests- if you want to be totally independent from this man then do that you then know you have not asked him for anything- peace of mind this is for me.

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1427

Absolutely get it taken care of with a lawyer asap. Use the law to your advantage. Do NOT pay any of the bills that are in his name. If your parents own the home, he can't touch it. I doubt that he can come after your income if you are supporting your kids and maintaining a home, but he might try. Start up a list of your income vs. liabilities. The lawyer will need it. Also, come up with a list of your bills (and his too, if you have that info) you had when you separated. My lawyer needed that from me. It worked to my advantage. I did a credit check for the both of us a couple times after we separated. That's how I found out he had thousands he owed in outstanding debts that I didn't know about while we were together.

The $2,500 will be WORTH it, believe me. Scrape it up somehow, some way. Also, check with Legal Aide, there should be something in your area. When I sought out legal help from them, they were ONLY taking clients with children and domestic violence (hence they couldn't help me right then) but your local assistance might be different. See if someone can refer you to an attorney that might do pro bono (free) work. Sometimes they will. See if an attorney would take a little down and make payments.

My experience with my P was he wasn't about to negotiate at all. I had to take him to court to even get back SOME of my property.

It's up to you about child support, whether you want that kind of "contact" with him or not. I'd go for it, but if he is judgement-proof (i.e. not working because of a disability or something) you may not get it or certainly won't get it until he starts working. The Child Support people and/or your lawyer can advise you on that.

Keep us posted Clue. Also, know that I'm not an attorney and the above is my recommendations based on just going through the process myself. The laws in your area may be different.

Hugs hon, hang in there!

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

yes you want a separation agreement otherwise wingnut can run up debt using your name, income etc .

The separation agreement will protect YOU from his misdeeds.

Why separation and not a divorce ? Do you honestly think

this r/s has a chance ?

If you are going to spend money anyway get legally untangled from him.

Dont worry about what he is or isnt going to do . He has little say here
and fighting you will cost him money too. His debt is his problem
not yours .

You do want the child support to be payable to the court - so that if
he defaults he is in contempt and they go after him . Its automatic
I think in my state but inquire about this .

Its nerve racking but so worth it in the end .

While process is going on - NC with him - its pointless to try and deal
with them under any circumstances - that is what you are paying the attorney for.
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Clueless1 · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 145

Thanks all for your help. I know I have to do this but why the HE** am I so scared. I just want to ignore it and maybe it will all go away. I have to get our taxes signed by him so I can mail them off. NC 2 months or more. I don't want to break NC and no one else will do it for me. Xcept his MOM but I don't want to deal with her either.

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

Clueless...YES it's worth EVERY PENNY! BUT........I will tell you this...$2,500 is what I had to put down to retain my divorce......it ended up costing me $6,000...now she was a high priced lawyer...$250 an hr...but every ph call...even if it's for 2 minutes will cost YOU...every postage stamp...every piece of paper.....it adds up.....Try the legal aid....or you can usually get a number for a shelter and they might be able to help you get an attorney pro bono....or a cheap one....However DO EXPECT a p to do whatever it takes to cost you.....they fight over nothing costing both sides hundreds of dollars in legal fees...Usually the only winner $ wise in a divorce are the lawyers....p's would much rather see your lawyer have whatever $ there is than to see you have it..... Evil or Very Mad

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