Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

FinallyFree · Joined: 17 Aug 2007 Posts: 5

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 2:43 am

Oh MY GOD - I am so psyched to find such a list! Almost fell off my chair.

My mother is notorious, in her field (horses) from 60's into 80's she played God with a lot of people. But this is after I left home to go to Jr College.

Let me start at the beginning. Not to be lengthy, but, I"m sure it is atypical of victims of psychotic families.

My mother conned my father into believing she loved him; he fell for it hook line and sinker. She only wanted the glory and the bridal gifts. She broke his heart so bad, he fell heavy into the bottle. At 32 years old, he died of cyrossys of the liver; with a closed coffin, I was 6.

At the wake, my father's father came up to me, with her near, and he wanted to provide me the capital to go to college. My mother didn't say a word to him. She only turned to me in a very cold, loud voice and said "if you talk to this man, I will disown you and never talk to you again" that mortified me. I had no idea what to do but follow HER!

The wake was in my great grand mother's family restaurant. My mother and her mother hated my great grandmother as she owned it. My mother's father worked there (he was a good man). My mother and her mother played them both (grand father and great grand mother).

In the end, my great grand mother was convinced she was senile, and sold the restaurant (which at the time, my mother and I lived above it in an apartment). SO - she sold it to the government for a conservation area parking lot. They never even used it; they just dumped a huge pile of dirt over the ground where the restaurant had been and closed it off to the public - never even used it once! Now it is developing forest. (It was across from Lake Walden in Lincoln Mass, Called "The Lincoln" - not the trailer park area, around the corner towards Lincoln from that.)

Fastforward about 7 years. My mother became an alcoholic somewhere along the way. I was never allowed to be near adults if they were talking, and was always made to feel I didn't deserve their time. I had no idea why they treated me like I was a criminal - SHE and THEY were the criminals!

They treated my poor great grand mother horribly as well. My great grandmother, before she died, gave me a receipt from her bank. The receipt proved my grandmother was forging my great grand mother's signature, and bled her account dry. This was her own selfish day trips, and for my aunt's fast cars, and for my mother's horse farm.

My mother, when she would nastily yell at me to get out and do some barn work; then go on to drink coffee and chat on to her heart's content.
I have no idea what she talked about, I have no idea even the year she was born. I was treated as if I had no right to be a member of her family, and I should be happy she let me do her work for her. (I worked so hard from 15 years old up that at 52, I have extreme fibromyralgia and arthritis - you work that hard, that young, it kills you when your life slows you down!)

I am blessed with a blacked out memory about some things, I've had at least 3 concussions in my life, I'm entitled to have memory gaps- lol

But I find those lapses a blessing, I really do. Apparently, after my mother would pass out from drinking, the people around her would wake her up. Once they did that, she would come into my room when I was sleeping and beat up on me; in the 80's I lost an ovary from so many tumors, and they were NOT cancer! I also still have her hand print "vericose veined" on my thigh (I was on a horse so it is not at a normal angle).

Eventually, she couldn't deny my natural talent with the horses and ponies. I started showing ponies in jumping classes then eventually horses, when I got too tall. I could take a very unschooled pony (what we called "green") and beat proven talent. It got so that pissed off one of my mother's richer clients so much, that she bought the NATIONAL pony hunter champion from the year before, so she could beat me. The pony was somewhat notorious herself. She was very aggressive at the gate of the jumping course. People used to shout "Heads Up! Ginny Dare is coming!" And like Moses, the crowd parted like the water... it was a typical thing - (she was a national champ, so more people, in more places knew her).

By the end of that showing season, this girl and I were in an equitation championship class. We tied for champion and reserve champion, so the rule was we had to exchange horses and ride off. Now the large ponies were jumping only 3 feet high; in equitation you compete with people on horses, so we were jumping 3 1/2 feet high. We had to also ride with no stirrups. I had no problem with that. But mommy dearest refused to let me go over even one practice fence, the girl was the same way. It felt a bit nervewracking jumping higher and with no stirrups and to go in "cold" but I did - what else could I do?

So I'm going over the course, and about half way through, I notice a very weird phenomena; everyone (about 200-300 at a county fair) around the outside course were staring at me with their chins dropped, I almost lost my track of the course! But I realized WHY they acted that way. Ginny Dare went like a pet pony for me, didn't even shake her head once, never mind not trying to rear and charge onto the outside course. My pony had a refusal and a knockdown for her. I won, she got fourth instead. I swear I could see steam coming out of that girls ears! I just did the best I could, and I won.

The next year she won more but we never competed in another equitation class - ever!

In 1971, my mother had me show her horse "Taste of Honey" in New England. To make that story short, it drained the hell out of my great grand mothers account (so she could blame me for the "drain"). Near the end of the season, she was starting to get crazy. The last show of the year, she couldn't take it anymore and wouldn't let the horse off her van, the whole day, no reason. I lost New England Champion by only 5 points!

She told me about 10 years later WHY she did that (guilt trip time I guess). She said she wouldn't let the horse off the van, because she couldn't stand it was me and not her that was Champion; so she prevented it - I lost by only 5 POINTS! Like losing your life bya nose!

I can go on and on so I won't But I'm sure this gives you some idea about my experience with a pyschotic relative. One other thing though, when she was feeling intimidated by my talent, the OLYMPIC committee approached HER about ME!!! They wanted to sponsor me to become an Olympic rider! THAT made her even crazier, and she started brutally treating apart my soul so bad, I was lost in rage for a couple decades at least!

(At least I finally got a handle on that and am much changed and much happier and I have a permenant restraining order on her.)

I will say something about me. I refuse to be like her, or respond like her. I also know the last laugh is always the best laugh. One of my heros is the "Unsinkable Molly Brown".

In closing, I will say I contacted Erma Bombeck before she dies by letter. I said I want to write a "catharsis" and write a book about my evil mother, but write it funny and inspiring instead of how it was. I asked if she could help me. She was so touched, she phoned me back from her kidney machine at home!!! SO - now I'm stuck!!!

I will eventually write "Cinderella's Story" and I'll have a forward for Erma. I say "Erma you had to go before I wrote it din't you!" lol

Cinderella, as my mother is the evil "mother" and I am an inventor.

Although my mother even messed with me by manipulating people to hurt me. She would also be very cruel and set me off in a trantrtum around the only people that liked me. I was so isolated! I felt I was very bad, because I was treated like I was a criminal (BY CRIMINALS!)

Sigh - I know what the score was then - Now....

Thankfully, I have a permenant restraining order on her, and I will Never have it recinded.

I am "FINNALY FREE" - thus the name

Of course I sometimes feel like Gidla Radners character rosana dana
"Its always something"!

I refuse to be like her. When someone does something nowadays to me to hurt me, I let it go in one ear and out the other, and I share this info with a neighbor. He knows about my mother and her violence. He also knows about my bad ex-boyfriend that was also psychotic! HE was passive aggressive psychotic sociopath... AGHH!

I am at present, weaning him from my life, just like Scotty on Star Trek "soured the milk". I am wearing away at him as he drops by for coffee to work now and then. I am less and less friendly and I try not to laugh too hard at him when he whines about his new girlfriend.

GOD BLESS YOU GUYS< WHATEVER YOU CALL GOD!

I call God Love. I know, that is very simplistic. But simple is good.

Simple is so much nicer to live with than torment, don't you think?

FinallyFree

_________________
Thank God I'm "FinallyFree at last"
My Mommy Dearest is stopped;
Barred from any Public Equine Activity, and
I won a permanent restraining order on her.
_________________
Thank God I'm "FinallyFree at last"
My Mommy Dearest is stopped;
Barred from any Public Equine Activity, and
I won a permanent restraining order on her.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 818

Hi FinalyFree,so sorry you had to go through all this pain You have won through and the fact your determined not to have the same behaviour is a testament to your own strength

Read on this site it may help you understand her behaviour more
Nice to meet you

hugs
Movedon
xxxxxxx

FinallyFree · Joined: 17 Aug 2007 Posts: 5

Thanks so much Movedon. It has been very difficult and I felt all alone; until I came upon this LIST!!!

THANK GOD FOR YOU GUYS!

This list is a God send!

God Bless Us One and ALL (Tiny Tim)

FinallyFree Laughing

_________________
Thank God I'm "FinallyFree at last"
My Mommy Dearest is stopped;
Barred from any Public Equine Activity, and
I won a permanent restraining order on her.