Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

Oh, Matilda! I didn't realize you were so BI-linguial--wow! What translations you do! LOL LOL LOL And so RIGHT ON!

It is funny/sad, but you hit the nail on the head for sure! I can read my son P's and see the deception, but you put a new twist on them.

The one my P-son wrote to DIL telling her to "work on your relationship with C"--KNOWING AT THE TIME THAT SHE WAS BONKING K...and telling her that "you can love two people" and "lighting acandle from another candle doesnt diminish the light of the first one." (having an affair with K is okay even if you are married to my dumb-ass brother)

She had complained that my mother didn't "say thank you" often enough for all the "thinngs she did for her"--hell, my mother was supporting her financially, bought her a new car, spent $10,000 on dental work for DIL furnished her a nice house to live in, and P-son told her "We do things for grandma and she gives us money, so just keep doing them and don't worry about the verbal thank yous, we're all working together for the family's benefit." (MY benefit!)

In another letter to K, he asked K do do something for him, or to get "your personal slave" TO DO IT. That was a reference to what we later found with the bondage and S & M photos of my DIL that K took---in my mother's house. Son P wrote to his brother denying any knowledge of the affair...yea, I believe that, don't you? How is that working for you? GAG

Interestingly enough, none of us have heard a word from Son P since the letter denying knowledge of the affair and advising my mom and C to "forgive and forget" (let's pretend none of this happened, and none of it was my doing and let me go on manipulating you)

I think at this point that Son P may know the "jig is up"--but I am sure that he must be ANXIETY CENTRAL wondering about his NS and also about the money my mom used to send him on a regular basis, also wondering what K has said to incriminate P-son legally.

Your translations are a scream! Thanks for the laughs.
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Stacieb · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 59

OxDrover: I cant even begin to imagine your pain, especially as it is your own son who has given you and your family hell.

But .........Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded," declares the LORD. "They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future," declares the LORD. "Your children will return to their own land. - Jeremiah 31:16-17

I do pray your son returns from this land of no love.

Matilda - lol you are so clever at deciphering the Ps real meanings! its amazing, wish you and I could sit down and have a long discussion, you are so knowledgeable about the mind of the P and how it all works.

Ok i need some advice yet again cause I think im losing it.

A family member of mine came round tonight to drop off something for me and he said to me "Did you know your back garden gate is unlocked and open"?

Ok so that might not seem weird , a gate being open.....however. behind my gate is around 11 trash bags, wood, drawers and flooring from my decorating days and I havent cleared it yet.

I ALWAYS keep that garden gate locked as the lock is so stiff youd have to use arm strength to unlock it. not to mention the fact, youd have to climb over the mountain of crap back there to get into my garden at the back of my house.

Noone in this little area of 4 houses would open my gate and a child is too small as this gate is 9 foot tall.

I lock my gate also for security reasons due to the fact that at the bottom of my garden is a massive grove of bushes and trees. and I dont like the fact that anyone could just walk in and walk out

My shed is right by the garden gate, and I keep that unlocked it has nothing in it , its empty.

As I was sitting here pondering and trying to recall a time when I opened my gate I suddenly remembered, I asked my xP for my front door key back after he had left, 3 weeks later he gave it back to me

He could of gotten a copy of my key in that time, you just walk into a hardware store and pay $1 to get a duplicate.

I dont want to worry myself , but I will note this down in my journal and keep track of it

A couple of months ago , i noticed my window at the back of the house was open , usually when I go out for shopping ill sweep the house and shut all windows.

I got back from shopping and the window was open, I could of sworn it was shut.

This happened to an upstairs window a week later

I put it out of my mind and figured I was just being forgetful

Then a week later before going to bed I did the usual , I locked my back door, and I have NO idea why but after locking the door I took the key out which took one small half turn and put it on the bookshelf and double locked the top of the door.

I then pushed the door to check it was locked. which it was.

I was probably feeling a little on edge that night, but I NEVER take the key out the lock, i always lock the door then keep the key in the hole for the morning so no idea why i was being cautious that night.

Well I woke up the next day , came downstairs and I grabbed the key off the shelf and went to the back door and turned the key, nothing happened , didnt hear the usual click, now heres the kicker......my door is stiff and you cant open it by just turning the key you have to pull the handle up on the door itself and at the same time you have to turn the key in the lock to open it or it will not unlock. And you have to do the same to lock it or it wont lock.

So I then pushed the handle down and the door swung open

I know for damn sure I locked that door that night, and i was so adamant even when my father assured me it was all in my head and i probably didnt lock it properly so I invited him over to debunk his theory that I could of opened it by mistake when I removed the key for the shelf the night before.

He tested the door for half and hour and when he had finished he said

"you know , your right , youd have to lift the handle up then turn the key, when you took the key out to put on the shelf , the key would not have turned unless you were pulling the door up via the handle, so you didnt open it, hmm thats puzzling"

Even my neighbour came over and tried to debunk it , she couldnt

I didnt think of it again until tonight.

the weird thing is, and I dont know about you but most of us ladies always have our set ways about going about things or doing things around the house, if we happen to have a routine and we change it (like leaving a key in the door then taking it out) we REMEMBER these things. as they stick out like a sore thumb.

I feel like im losing it Sad

I feel good knowing my father came over and debunked his theory that I opened the back door by mistake, and hes a big man , around 220 pounds and way over 6 foot so he has a lot of strength and even he couldnt turn the key in the door without lifting the handle first.

My xP might have a duplicate key to the front door he couldnt have come through the back door and unlocked it via outside as the top lock has the key in the hole so no way would he be able to do that from outside as the hole isnt visable on the outside of the door.

Only way anyone could of unlocked that door would be to have come in the front door, then walked to the back door and unlocked it, put the key back then go out the same way they came in.

Maybe im being a bit paranoid but all these little incidences stick in my mind, way before I found out that the xP was an NP , and thought he was normal, I still worried about all these little incidences because i remember when i lock a door and close a window.

Im going to have to change my locks now Sad

WindSong · Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 10:12 pm Post subject:

Better to be paranoid than dead. Change your locks! I changed mine the very next day he left. Of course I lived in an appartment complex and I called the maintenance man and he did it that very day when I told him that the XNP was in jail cause I had called the cops on him and put him in jail. He was happy to do it.
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Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1404

And change them as soon as possible Stacie.......Sounds as if your being gaslighted.......I think he might very well be getting in to your home while you sleep.........Get some 1st alert door alarms at a drug store or hardware store.......But get those locks changed......
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Stacieb · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 59

My neighbour has just been round , she reads this board as she has a friend herself with a little bit of N traits.

Its 12 midnight here so rather late. But didnt wanna go on my own.

She came over and we both went to check the gate, I stood on a chair to lock the gate as I cant reach that high, I looked over and saw that my shed door was open , my neighbour wouldnt even look over and check it out herself, she was too scared lol

we had a few scares, heard some noises and saw a shadow but everything seems to be calm and ok out there.

Going to go to the hardware store tomorrow, grab some locks for the shed, im going to change the front door locks and write all this in my journal and keep tabs.

Id rather be safe than sorry but I dont want to become a nervous paranoid wreck.

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

STACIE--DO NOT SLEEP IN THAT HOUSE UNTIL YOUR LOCKS ARE CHANGED. Go to a hotel, go to a shelter, go somewhere else--Also, a key is not the only way to "get in to" a house--as long as they make AXES our Ps will have "keys" to our homes. Get bars on your windows or do something so you are SAFE--also if you get bars, make sure that you have a way to exit the house in the event of fire and that it will not become a trap if he sets fire to the outside.

I know this sounds "paranoid" but recently in a small town near here a girl kept telling police her X-P husband was after her and the cops didn't listen, and two or three days ago, they found her and her new husband murdered. Her X-P was arrested but what good did it do her? Or her family or her new husband?

PLEASE FOLKS--keep safe from these monsters. I know all are not as bad as my own personal Absolom P-son but many of them are. There are hundreds of people killed each year by these monsters--not just random killings but "family" or "x-family" murders.

I knew that there was no way I could secure my home without making it my prison and it is located deep in the woods out of sight of every neighbor and even my mother's home, so once he had me trapped there, there was no one who could have heard my screams.

Get an alarm system installed as well as changes of the keys, bars on windows etc. DON'T TAKE ANY CHANCES. If you live where it is legal, get a gun and learn how to use it--or oven cleaning spray is a good defense too, and it is legal, but quite lethal as well, causes instant blindness like tossing acid on someone (it is caustic) but use ANYTHING to defend yourself and don't be caught without it in your hand or pocket, where you can reach it easily and quickly.

This is no joking matter if he is entering your home at night or when you are not home. My x-BF P burned down the home of his gf that was previous to me, all the while pretending to be her "friend"---he is EVIL. We know he did it but can't prove it in a court of law, but at least he knows we know and that he won't do that again--I got the "word" to him that if my house was struck by lightening and burned down I would consider it an act of war from HIM...and "take appropriate action." I didn't actually say something like "I will kill you" (that is threatening and is illegal and I could be prosecuted for it) but at the same time, you can "act crazy" and not make any incriminating statements and let them think that you would do something rash, or a friend would, anything to let them know that THEY might have some violence---sometimes that helps. But just don't cross the line and do anything illegal. Or say anything illegal or openly threatening, as they will turn it against you. But you must put yourself first and stay SAFE.
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

Sorry again for the double posts. somedays it works okay some days not when I go to post.
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

Stacieb · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 59

Im a single mom so I cant afford bars on the windows.

But I am changing the locks and securing my shed and garden area.

I cant have a gun unfortunately I live in England, And if you attack anyone even in self defence you can be jailed here.

If you hurt someone whos trying to attack you they can sue you and you can be arressted, yeah its stupid I know Rolling Eyes

My neighbour is a house away from me and she said if I needed her to just send a message.

I keep my cell phone on me at all times and I have a fishing knife and dagger kept in safe places around the home so if I ever need protection I have it even though it wouldnt do me any good legally speaking.

Oven cleaner is a good idea, Ill pick some up today.

I dont think even if it is the xP he will invade my home. Im not sure what he would do, but hes very shy, quiet and has never even been arrested before, or in trouble with the law. He is very law conscious and will not do anything illegal because he doesnt want to get into any trouble.

Hes so paranoid about that, One time he even asked me and my friends if we had AIDS because he was so worried about catching it from us by sitting next to us.

Yeah thats the extent of his paranoia. None of us have Aids and I was tested during my last pregnancy as every lady has to be. But hes freaky in that way. Even though he knows the only way to catch it is through sexual intercourse.

I took a picture of my bushes out the back garden one day last month just testing out my camera, from upstairs and me and my neighbour could both see a mans face in it , but I took a picture a second after and the face was gone, I found this out later that day when I was uploading the pictures to my computer.

Anyone who wants the picture to look at give me an email here:

You can have a look and see what you think.

I think the reason im not so sure its my xP is because hes too sensitive, calm and weirdly shy I dont think he would stalk me like that. He just doesnt seem the type. He always (to my knowledge) does things "By the book" so itd be out of character if he did anything like that.

but then again , he was taking me for a ride the entire time we were in a relationship so god knows what goes through that mans head.

I have been taking self defence classes on the weekends, I just finished my second lesson yesterday, I thought kung fu would be good exercise and its good for protection at the same time.

My family live a street away, so they are mere seconds away.

I just find it soooo hard to believe my xP could be stalker material , its not like him at all, but then again he used to monitor what I was doing on the computer without me knowing by looking at the network stats. He used to read my email as well. So I guess it is possible but still it just doesnt seem like him ya know? He gives off an air of authority and trust which would probably be superiority , and he also gives off the air of a very very sensible person who has his head screwed on properly (sorry british speak there lol)

I just cannot see it. But I also know I dont know him, he wasnt who he said he was so anything is possible.

I think its just it seems unbelievable. My neighbour is bringing round enforcements today, shes going to bring me more curtains to block out my windows more, and extra bits and bobs she has laying around.

Shes one of my best friends, and is always looking out for me. I think id be safe in the house as long as I have reinforcements put in. besides I cant really go anywhere else and live, my family has a small house, and im not going to give up MY home all because some idiot is stalking my house and trying to scare me. This is my home, my childs home and noone is going to push me out of it not without a fight. Thats how I see it at the moment.

Im looking into CCTV systems, think ill be able to get one cheap, and some flood lights for the back garden,the bushes behind my fence in the back garden lead to an alley way that runs right along the train tracks for miles so even if its some jackass messing around i still dont want them just walking into my home.

I know that bad things happen to women and men, and the women who end up dead in their home, its a rarity in england, Im not sure if we have anti stalking laws but my guess is even if we do, the police dont give a rats ass, they are more into keeping the drug crime down.

Stalking to them is just women who are sensitive or as one police officer said "Its all in their head most the time, women are just sensitive and most stalkers dont pose a threat"

Im going to be placing bricks in front of the gate and shed so I can see if its been opened or moved. I will have everything in place to feel safer then just keep my eyes open.

Thats all I can do at the moment. But to be honest, All these little things that have happened make me think im losing it sometimes. Maybe I did open the back door somehow, maybe I didnt leave the milk out , maybe I didnt lock the gate.

Its confusing Rolling Eyes

Edit: Email addy removed from post for board policy reasons. Echo

WindSong · Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 11:32 am Post subject:

Stacie,
You are doing what most all of us do at one point. We minimize our fears and our gut instincts with "Well he's not at all violent, he would never hurt me" type of thinking. It's that type of thinking that will get you killed.

I know I sound out there and hysterical or way over vigilent. But as God is my witness, as harmless as you think he is, that is the moment that he could go off. One moment of loss of control and he could kill you. It's been proven time and time again even with the "quiet" ones.

I see that you are a single mom. Still take every precaution that you possibly can. There are many inexpensive ways to protect yourself. The stove cleaner. I have pepper spray and a bat I keep next to my bed and a cell phone next to my bed. It's tricky, but you can be creative.

Don't minimalize what he does and does not do. Don't take that chance. Like I said better to be safe than dead.
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Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1404

Tammys right Stacie! P's can be soooo good at what they say and who they claim to be(how else could they do the smear campaign on us?) My xp would go on and on about aids...how totally worried he was.....Said he could NEVER have an affair because it worried him sooooo much........Yet he turned out to be the biggest cheater EVER! A cronic cheater he was......anyone over the age of 14 was fair game for him.....Oh soooo very worried about aids Rolling Eyes

He was right to be soooo worried about aids Wink

Yet would NOT admit it to this very day!
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Stacieb · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 59

Windsong, other ladies. Im going to take your advice, I dont want to be paranoid but then I cant carry on feeling apprehensive.

Better to be safe than sorry.

Also I did wonder, apart from my P having an obsession with air rifle's and swords and knives. He also had a preoccupation with fire.

In the back garden he would sometimes sit there and light a match and burn my cigarette lighters and wait to see if they blew up.

he was forever out there, most of the time I wouldnt be there when he did this but id find him doing it when I came home or when i came home id notice burn marks in the garden.

One occasion when I was with him, he was blowing up lighters and cups and grabbed me and said "Wait round the corner with me, dont hide just watch it blow up"

I was forever telling him to stop it as he could burn himself or start a massive fire.

But noooo he carried on with it and his face used to light up in delight and awe at starting his little fires.

He also put fire cracking joke things in my cigarettes, so when I lit it , it would crackle and smoke and smell horrid. I didnt catch on until I had my last ciggy and I said "You put something in them didnt you" he laughed and denied it , then later I found the joke crackers in his coat pocket

(He hated me smoking was always going on at me about it)

He was always playing jokes on me, but when ever I tried to make him jump or startle him , it wouldnt work, dunno why, i thought it was weird that he never had a reaction.

Nothing made him jump. You could NEVER startle him, its like he knew a scare was coming.

He set a little of the grass on fire one summer, I told him he was stupid. but this didnt stop him doing it.

he also used to hide my ciggy lighters in the freezer, have no idea why , thats rather odd behaviour. who puts lighters in the damn freezer!

He loved going into the woods to shoot birds and rabbits with his air rifles, he went out at night, taking pictures or just shooting animals, he said it was hunting and it was harmless. Whenever I protested because of the cute bunnies he used to laugh at me, said it was great when you saw the bird or bunny covered in blood.

he used to spend hours going out to the forest to walk around, he was very much the loner.

I have a picture of hiim pointing a rifle at my head...a picture of me was on his computer and he took a picture of himself aiming the gun at my head

If you wanna see the picture email me , dunno if its joking around or hes trying to impress me or make a point. This was at the beginning of the relationship

I also have NO pictures of him smiling, every single picture I have of the man is ones with no expressions.

I hate lightbulbs, they come on and remind you of all the little things that happened. but at the time they occured you didnt think much of it

He had books on how to get away with murder, how to disappear and change your identity, martial arts, seduction techniques , Guns and weapons (he loved those) , Book of Anarchy, sex and sadism , etc

Madness

Towards the end of the relationship, he always had a bad aching sore back and I would rub it constantly for him. Nothing he took ever made him feel better.

Another weird thing was, He used to stay up till 4am sometimes and get by on hardly no sleep at all, and other times he used to sleep in till 2pm in the day, I NEVER got a lie in , not once, it was always him who got to oversleep.

He spent all his time on the computer, I think I came second and the computer came first, He didnt just play games he did his work for his boss, He was always trying to show off and try something different so his boss would be pleased, it seemed to me that it was very important to him that he work as much as he could.

If his boss said "Things are not the way I like them" He used to sigh or exhale loudly then work for 12 hours trying to get it right , I think he was obssessed with it

I have a weird question, why is it he always went for a "Number 2" when I wasnt in the house? he never did one when I was here, and he never passed wind around me either, it was very very odd, Not something I really want to discuss but just found it to be rather weird. Most partner dont care and are comfortable around each other but its like he tried to hide it.

He never had any personal belongings such as pictures , he used to keep my pregnancy tests (Used ones which i had thrown away) and baby stuff in a lock up safe which noone could look in, which also contained pictures of him kissing other women or taking their tops off. Not sure why those were in his personal box as he didnt ever see those women again, they were at a club when the pics were taken. He also had pictures of women in bikinis, women he didnt know.

He never had anything personal to be honest, no letters, no pictures of his family on our walls. But he has thousands of pictures of scenery and cars, etc and guns in his photo album on his computer, he was forever out taking pictures.

I tell ya girls, nothing is normal about his behaviour , but it takes lots of reading and going over old memories for us to actually realise "Oh Yeah!"

I wish i could share a few pictures on here, some of my friends have said just looking at my xP gave them the chills, but if he found them on here, he would go mad hence why i can do it only through email.

I think as time goes on more lightbulbs are going to surface in my mind and things i had long forgotten or not paid much attention are coming to light and its a lot of information to obtain and cope with in less than a week.

Oh and thankyou ladies for allowing me to rant and talk your ears off , it helps to get all this out in the open.

God Bless

Stacie x

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

Stacie,

I hope you will "listen" to what I am saying--I was a mental health practitioner before my retirement.

The behavior that you describe is that of a very DANGEROUS man. He is most likely a P "delux" AND HE IS ADVANCING IN HIS DANGER. The guns, the small "bombs" the FIRE--the fact that it is almost positive that he has gotten into your home when you were there and when you were gone is a very BAD SIGN.

I realize you are a single mom and I realize that the laws of England may make it difficult to protect yourself, but you MUST PROTECT YOURSELF. The P "puppet" that my P-son sent, did exactly the same thing, minor vandalism and "sneaking around" but his intention was to KILL me. I think your X is working is way that direction rapidly.

I fled for my life and HID--I don't know what options you have, but my sincere advice is to HIDE, at least for a while. If you have relatives in another part of England go to them. Tell the police and your ONE friend where you are going but NO ONE ELSE...I realize that this sounds EXTREME but we just had a case here near me recently where a young couple were murdered by her X--who had never done any violence before.

The police can't protect you BEFORE he commits a crime and murder may be the first crime he commits. Hiding from him may be your only option, for the safety of your CHILD at least, think about going somewhere else.
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

WindSong · Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:48 pm Post subject:

That's some pretty disturbing stuff there darlin. Weird and well, creepy behavior. Don't underestimate him for one moment that he won't do anything bad to you. There's clearly no one home in his head. Too weird.
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Stacieb · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 59

I feel stupid for being so paranoid.

however I am writing a letter to my lawyer explaining all of this and sending it to her.

Securing the house is all I can do right now Ill just have to wait and see.

I feel silly Confused

But I always felt something wasnt right with him so ill trust my gut instinct on this as its probably going to be right.

God Bless

Stacie x

WindSong · Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 12:11 pm Post subject:

Please do not feel stupid and silly. It's so much better off to be safe than sorry hon. You just simply do not know what a mentally ill person is going to do and from the things you've told us, I feel myself like you have validated reasons for being diligent in making sure that you are safe.
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I Love Little Steven And That Guy He Sometimes Plays With.
Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
windsongsharmony@gmail.com