Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1308 Location: Connecticut, USA

Week 2 of N working in the office over my garage. I was waiting for a couple of packages to arrive. When they didn't show, I checked tracking. One package was delivered yesterday around noon. After 24 hours, N still hadn't given me my package, or even let me know one was delivered. Also, I didn't get any mail yesterday.

I emailed N, asking him nicely if he has my package in the office, and if he could please be sure I get my mail every day. I suggested he sort the mail at the box, bringing only the business-related mail into the office, which I have no access to, and leaving my mail in the box for me to retrieve. I also forwarded the email to my lawyer. I asked N to respond to my email, so we can work out a better system for the mail than him taking it all up into the office where I have no access.

Shortly after, N shows up at my door with my package and my mail. Great. Except, my credit card statement was opened!! I emailed again, asking him to please not open my personal mail. I scanned the envelope and sent the picture as an attachment, showing that the envelope was clearly addressed to me personally, and was clearly my credit card statement. I also forwarded this to my lawyer.

I know I handled it right, I didn't get ruffled, I said things like, "I'm sure you didn't intentionally withhold my mail and packages", and "I'm sure you didn't intentionally invade my privacy", and "let's work out a better system to be sure I receive my mail". But, I hate having to deal with this sh*t! It's all so stupid, so calculated, so N!!!! Is there anything he won't use as a weapon?

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 567

You might like to prompt him to start having his mail redirected to HIS home.

I did this with my exN even got the forms for him, he expected me to continue forwarding his mail to him indefinately after our break up. I advised in written that I would send mail to him for 4 weeks only (it takes about 21 days to set up the redirection) then all mail would be return to sender...

apparently I was being cold and difficult. 2 years later I am still getting his mail, overdue accounts...I have returned all these to the sender with a note to remove his details from my address and here is his new details so chase him for the $$ he owes there.

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1308 Location: Connecticut, USA

Fraggle, he's not getting personal mail here, he's getting mail for the business. We've run a home business here for over 13 years. He agreed to buy me out, but has 60 days exclusive use of the office in my home. He even changed the locks. He takes ALL the mail up into the office each day, so he has control over mine. He also accepts UPS and FedEx deliveries each day for the business, and accepted my personal UPS delivery without telling me.

I feel that even though it's been a pain, I am taking an active step in setting boundaries with him, something I've obviously had trouble with in the past. He knows all communication between us is documented. All our emails are forwarded to my lawyer for safekeeping, and printed. All our conversations are recorded, emailed to my lawyer, as well as sent via mail on disk. This took away his ability to lie. Now, when he crosses boundaries like this one with the mail and packages, I call him on it, and document it. He has no choice but to remain in bounds. I don't think he'll be withholding or opening my mail anymore. He knows he would look bad in doing so. But what will he come up with next?

It stinks. If it's not one thing, it's another. He's constantly coming up with ways to try to get to me, especially if I've been ignoring him for a while. It's exhausting. I thought of just not reacting at all, but I really need to establish boundaries, especially if he's going to be here for another 51 days.

dagna · Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 493

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 873

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Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Summer; " I wish in this state it would be legal to record the N, but it isn't".
Are you sure this is a fact? Usually, you can record someone provided you TELL them they are being recorded.
What about when you telephone say a big company and they say " this conversation is being recorded for training and security purposes"? That is very common in U K, surely that cannot be illegal? If I were you I would double check on the legal position where you are. If you can legally record N, on the one hand you would have valuable evidence of what he is doing and on the other hand it could cut out a lot of his nonsense. It goes without saying that ANY contact with N should be at an absolute minimum.
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Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 873

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NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1308 Location: Connecticut, USA

Summer,

That's not hijacking, that's right on topic! But, I think you're missing a big point in this recording thing. It isn't really for documentation, it is to stop the unwanted behavior, to set boundaries.

I do not have his permission to record. He was INFORMED he is being recorded. Always. I officially notified him with both lawyers present that all interactions from this point forward will be recorded. All phone conversations and person-to-person interactions will be recorded and forwarded to the lawyers, all emails will be saved and forwarded to the lawyers. It's legal.

Now he is forced to keep up his "good guy" facade in all interactions with me. In his eyes, and that's a very important distinction, he can't afford to slip up and be exposed for what he really is. He has to come out looking good, so he is polite, courteous, and cooperative whenever he interacts with me. He is really grasping with this mail thing, and he's not getting away with it. I think he's actually running out of steam. And, LeaveLone's story has me realizing how far they'll go to avoid exposure.

THAT's the real value of the recordings.

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

As most of you know I lost my whole family to the lies and manipulations of my xp......my 90 yr old dad....his wife.....2 sisters.....nephews....grandchildren and 2 of my grown kids........most of these KNEW FULL WELL that the x is abusive......heard it or saw it for themselves......some actually involved themselves with it.......I was on the ph one day with my dads wife when xp came in the house raging at me so I quietly told her I was gonna just set the ph down so she could hear for herself what I went thru........She heard and he raged but stopped short of physical abuse.......Language was God awful as you can imagine.....he called me names from the penthouse magazine.........Even this didnt tell the family that I was right in leaving his sorry azz! Not sure just what it would take to wake people Embarassed

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie