Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1397

I spent 36 years married to an n/p.He was abusive to me in every single way possible. Lots of wierd things happened during those 36 years that I could never explain until I divorced him....came to this board......asked questions and then I had the light bulb moments. I divorced him 5 years ago....I didnt know he had begun his nasty smear campaign while I still lived with him until I divorced him and lost almost everyone I had ever loved...The only moral support I had was/is my oldest daughter,,,the p had turned my other 2 grown kids and their spouses against me and then twisted the knife after every court date where he went back to them an lied like a rug. So thanks to the xp I lost 2 grown kids...their spouses....and grandkids.......When that was done he went to work on my 90 year old father and 2 sisters....He was VERY sucessfull with them as well....Sucesfull with old neighbors and old friends too.My oldest daughter and I are shunned by all.This gives you some background on me and what I have gone thru.....I dont have ALL the answers but I WILL try to answer or find someone else who will....I'm looking forward to getting to know you but am awfully sorry you need to be here.....
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

nolongertrusting · Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 267

COOKIE, I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO POST.

CAN'T TELL YOU HOW THRILLED I AM TO TO FIND YOU IN THIS SPOT: THE VETERANS.

IT GOES TO SHOW YOU'VE BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ALL OF US.

NOLONGERTRUSTING

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THE NAME. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT CHANGING MINE THESE DAYS.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

So pleased for you cookie(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

movedon
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littlecat2 · Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 3:21 pm Post subject:

Hi Cookie ... Wow, your guy sounds like the epitome' of "evil." I am so sorry he managed to place a wedge between you and so many members of your family ... that must be horribly painful. Hopefully, the day will come when they will realize they've "been had." Mine did similar things, but to no avail, with the exception of some former friends we had as a couple. You sound like a strong person .... you can feel really good about that!
abby
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Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1397

Hi Abby! One thing I needed to realize early on was just how easy it was for my xp to sway my family......In other words I had to 'see' the part they played in all of this.......I have no doubt he has lied to them....manipulated them....conned them into thinking he is someone whom he is NOT.........But if they had ever ared for me.....ever loved me...he would have had a fight on his hands and I would still have MY family........I think thats where it's ALL at......if the people love you the n/p CAN'T get by with it.........Realizing that my own family NEVER did love me was probably the hardest......I saw it often thru out my marriage and did a good job of denying it......once I left him and my family refused to even ever ask me if I was ok(hell they never even called) and then refused to even go to my daughters baby shower(because she helped me get out...what a crime Embarassed

)and then chose NOT to see my grandbaby yet once they did when she was 4 mo old they reamed that poor little 4 mo old baby a new one.....4 mo old baby Twisted Evil

Poor baby......they said she was too fat....dressed too stupid.......wearing a stupid hat.........and on and on and on....They couldnt say enuf bad things about her..........thats when I saw EVIL rather than love!
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

goddess · Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 19 Location: Australia

Cookie2 - I haven't visited the site for ages....but I am back ...and unfortunately in pain and now just numb.

I have been moving forward really well and then the n decides to take legal action, to make me sign for the money to pay him out for the house. I am struggling, like never before to push through my studies and only work part time - he knows I cán't furnish a loan right now. The agreement - when last we conversed was I would pay him out when I was finished my studies and working. I have no family and live alone ( have ventured out for social gatherings and the occassional date but could see warning signs and retreated quickly). I am prepared to love again but not to compromise even a little bit and if I am alone ...well c'est la vie!

When the legal paperwork arrived I was so gutted I couldn't attend my employment. I fight thoughts of suicide all the time and am mainly numb. I believe the n accepted a fist full of money from his mother after she had her share of a million dollar inheritance finalised. He is following the same pattern with the new partner that he used with me.

I have learned so much from this website and I am so grateful you are here. I sent an email off last night to a legal place and hope they will respond today with some help.

Saw a casual acquaintance last night who was interested in my n experience and new found knowledge as she wants to write a book - she told me that society is going to get worse as a direct result of n's being in this world.

I have no hope for society - as I tell my immediate suprervisor at work - it is very hard not to see the truth once you have had the veil removed from your eyes with regard to n's and their behaviours. If I had any doubt about my ex n I don't now - I don't care if I am not a mental health expert he fits the criteria and is exhibiting loads of symptoms.

How on earth does a sensitive soul like myself live in a world that supports and nurtures n's? How have you survived with such a rotten experience having invaded your life? The ex n works in a courthouse and is surrounded by all the knowledge he needs to crush me and the new partner works with him and he has positioned himself to be the absolute centre of his universe - sooooooooooooooo n like.

I feel incredible vulnerable and alone. I have no family and live alone and I am okay with that - I have friends but people don't realise, friends are great but when you finish your time with them - where do they go? Back to their families. People always choose family over friends - I know this from experience. I feel really sad when I realise that I am last on everyones list and that my sense of belonging is so non existent. My employment - in an educational setting is all that keeps me going - I love my job and at work I feel useful so the thoughts of suicide are pushed to the side.

It feeld good to know this website is here...at least it is an outlet.

Sad

goddess
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Goddess is here to learn lessons - if only they weren't so hard....

goddess · Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 19 Location: Australia

Cookie2

Okay it's been a couple of days and I have revisited this wonderful website and read and read and read some more. I have been very good with NC and I know it works but I realise that I blew it when the ex n wanted to discuss our house. I guess I was worried he would withhold the repayments on the house - it is all he contributes and I can't do it all on my current wage. I don't know what my options would have been but I do know that ...just as I have been taught here....NC or he will use everything I say against me....that was absolutely spot on I was healing but am now gutted and in a heap on the floor trying to claw my way back to where I was...

I actually think he planned everything he has done to me. He is second in charge at a courthouse and has access to every conceivable legal application - he has even processed his own legal hearing! I have questions about the integrity of him handling his own court hearing paperwork...we'll see what happens when I get legal advice.

I wish I had money in my back pocket to pay him out ...I'd give him a million bucks to finalise the only thing that binds us....

What a tiring and joyless journey this is I must remind myself that n's do not want to be helped and that they don't care. I need to tell myself that over and over. I have an appointment with a legal person in a few days time and I want to be optimistic that I can be represented without fronting up- if the court thing happens at all. The process he is seeking is so he can sell the house - he is frightening me and exerting power over me - quite simply becasue he can. The process is not necessary but just like an n he is weilding it like a weapon.

I cannot deal with seeing him or having to be near him in anyway. I believe that NC works and I am going to do my best to convince the legal representative of this....I feel that perhaps the legal system needs to address the n's ...how? I don't know but I do know that if there are so many of them in the world - all the Dr's and counsellors should be able to pool their findings, esperience and evidence to support some type of legislation to submit n's to psych assessment....gotta keep hoping and gotta keep the ideas happening.

I feel so much better today than I did a couple of days ago. I am still numb and I give credit to this website for helping me. I can come on line and write whatever it is I need to and I know you will understand and not judge me and you will provide me with literature to read and you will want me to survive this and you will not ask me to explain myself and you will.....care...that I too have been hurt unnecessarily, like so many others.

As painful as the journey is for survivors, the knowledge we gain and share with others surely outweighs the negative. And like the homepage art design states....[u]we win[/u].

Today - a little Crying or Very sad

a little

a little

but not as much as a little while ago.

Thank You for being there - goddess
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Goddess is here to learn lessons - if only they weren't so hard....