Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

WindSong

This forum is created out of an idea of our esteemed manager Matilda. The idea is for us to have Veterans who have been out of their XNP relationships, and have been the distance and are in a good place to tell you what it is like and how it is. All you have to do is ask a question and our head moderator of this board, Cookie will help you delve into this and help you understand. We'll take on more Moderators as time goes on and some of us administrators will pop in and advise too. But this is for our Veterans to come and answer your questions to and give you the support that you need.

Welcome to the Ask The Vets Board!

Head Moderator: Cookie
Administrators: WindSong and Matilda

If you ever have any questions about this forum you can always email me at npdcasestudies@gmail.com
_________________

I Love Little Steven And That Guy He Sometimes Plays With.
Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
windsongsharmony@gmail.com

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1864

Welcome to the veterans forum. The hope is that we can help newbies here identify quickly: long term members here who can be trusted to give solid advice borne of experience. The "veterans" are those forum members who have been engaged in no contact 3 years or longer with the anti socially disordered or the narcissists in their lives. The experience with a disordered relative or partner definitely changes you, but those changes don't have to keep anyone locked in fear, bitterness or hatred. It can be a long healing and learning curve, but take heart: you are not alone on this journey of recovery.

I would like to ask other board veterans now to step up and identify themselves and to assist the lovely Cookie (veteran representative and veteran forum moderator) in supporting newcomers here who are looking for advice or assistance.

And I would like to thank Cookie for taking on this responsibility and wish her my congratulations in her newly appointed role. Very Happy

Thankyou to everyone.

Matilda
_________________
"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright

italiungrl · Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 7

I Have not seen my NP husband but once in court since he went to jail on June 1st, when I saw him he has lost about 25 pounds( he could afford that) he looked horrid, he was always so concerned about his appearence and now he is reduced to county jail attire.
I still cry and cant beleive that it had to come to this, he deseerves everything he gets, yet I have a trait he doesn't have a clue aboout never did empathy.
I thought he would take this time and reflect and come clean and maybe find jesus you know like a surviving cancer patient they revaluate their lives. Yet he's still spewing hate and venum and lies,about me,to anyone that will listen, because I refused to lie for him to the courts, he threatened me to do things even Jack the Ripper would shiver at.
In all his letters to the courts he claims I was the abusive one mental, degrading him,and it goes on, do they mirror to their victims what they actually are guilty of?
How can I feel sorry for a man that is has no soul nor conscience? : :cry:

WindSong · Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 1:38 am Post subject:

Hey Italiangurl,
The answer to that is you don't feel sorry for him. I know that's hard because you are a real human being and you have feelings. But caring is where we most often get us in trouble. We can't believe and at first can't accept that he really does not have empathy and compassion for their human kind. It's so hard to believe and so terrible that there are people like him out there that we would rather not believe that poeple like him exist. And as we do, we lose empathy for them because they bring all of their troubles on themselves and they are well, just plain evil.

So, you do not waste your time and feel sorry for this guy. Trust me, he ain't feeling nothing for you. The most time you need to waste on this guy is how fast you can get him out of your life.

Hope this helps
Hugs,
Windy
_________________

I Love Little Steven And That Guy He Sometimes Plays With.
Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
windsongsharmony@gmail.com

free@last · Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 274

I have a question. Just curious. I went out with my ExN for 3 years. He was seperated but not divorced. We have been 2 weeks NC . I caught him in a million lies, etc... He is going back to his wife. My question is do you think he learned his lesson? Do you think he can be faithful to his wife now and change? He cheated on his wife in the past as well as me. I know the best indicator of future behavior is of past behavior. I am just wondering if "N's" ever get cured of deceitfulness? I don't think they can but I am just checking. Thanks.
_________________
Rejection is God's Protection.

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1398

Hi Free

I was in a long term marriage to a man like this and NO HE WON'T CHANGE.....won't all of the sudden be faithfull to his wife....NOT gonna happen.....She's gonna go thru the same as I did if he's an n/p.......He'll feel he's entitled to have sex with whoever he likes...n/p's have this great sense of entitlement.....Feel sorry for his wife...not jealous or envious......she's gonna go thru hell!
_________________
I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1864

Hi,
nope he hasn't changed has he? Why do you think he went back to his wife? You (the old source of supply of attention) have dried up. So he's recycling and going back to the old supply. You can almost bet money that if he doesn't cheat on her again (looking for new supply) he will be back someday to recycle you.

People are just objects to them. It's how they are. It's a hard concept to grasp, but the more you read and learn about the condition and the sooner you understand it...the easier it is to accept that they just aren't capable of changing.

Matilda
_________________
"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

Hi
Change????? They dont know the meaning of the word your well out of it, you call it his wife I call her a new victim reclaimed now she is more vunerable because shes saying its ok to treat me like this I welcome you back
Please dont feel sorry for him thats the amunition they all play on

Hugs to you
Movedon
xxxxxxxxx

free@last · Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 274

Thank you all. The more I read on this disorder the more I am aware of the fact they can not and will not change. I wish I knew about this disorder before so I didn't waste 3 years of my life. Smile

But I guess everything happens for a reason and we have to learn and grow from our mistakes. The wife is my ticket to freedom and I am acualy blessed now that I know what the "N" is and will never be. Smile

Just another question. When you were finished with your "N" , did you feel like telling all their victums about him/her? That is my latest obession. I know it will pass though and it's just part of the healing process. I also know I can not change anyone else just myself.
_________________
Rejection is God's Protection.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

Hi, I didnt tell everyone mainly because Id been programmed to keep my mouth closed for so many years, it was only when I realised I was reclaiming "me" back I started telling people, I still havent told my family all of it, they'd be too upset and I dont want them feeling guilty for not helping.
I now am free and Ill tell anyone who wants to know if it stops people from going back to these monsters, who suck the life out of you and then flit on to the next victim, or keep going back and forth in and out of your life like a yo-yo
Hugs
Movedon
xxxxxxxxx

Gina · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:08 pm Post subject: Does anyone change?

Hi All,
I haven't been around for awhile. Just getting over going to court w/my N. that I was married to for 20 years.
He totally conned the Judge and gave him the sad and sorrowful story that he hasn't had any property for 20 years and that I have so much money and can take care of myself.
I couldn't even get upset about dealing with him, my N. ex, my N. attorney and the N. Judge. I thought they were all totally crazy when I left the court and was mostly angry with my idiotic attorney that did absolutely nothing to help me. I don't think he even remembered why we were in court. He was 2 and 1/5 hours late to court and was acting like he had no idea what he was doing.
WOW. What a relief to get rid of them.
I know I'm off topic...but does anyone here know why my ex N. would be falling down? He fell down the stairs 3 months ago in Hawaii and broke his arm. Then, last week he fell down in Las Vegas where he just moved to and broke both of his arms and fell on his face. What's the deal???Has anyone heard of anything like this happening to their N>??? Shocked

Or is it that God is punishing him for treating me like S--T for 20 years??? Wink

He has all the kids feeling sorry for him, of course!!! Isn't that what they're good at?? Rolling Eyes

And of course, it's all my fault. Very Happy

Love,
Gina
_________________
Remember, other people are glad to get you into trouble, but you have to get out of it on your own.
Having a romance with a Cruelian is like cuddling up to a loaded rifle.

WindSong · Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 11:57 am Post subject:

sounds like to me he's on something. Drinking, drugs, something that would do that to him. Believe me Gina there is no chance that he's suffering for what he's done. But watch out he's probably going to try to claim some illness. Make sure he has doctor's note to prove it. He'll use it to say poor me, I can't make money cause I can't work and look at HER she's so healthy. She can take care of herself.
_________________

I Love Little Steven And That Guy He Sometimes Plays With.
Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
windsongsharmony@gmail.com

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

I agree with Windsong sounds like a sympathy trip for something hes planning
Keep strong((((((9hugs)))))

Movedon
xxxxxxxx

WindSong · Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 12:38 am Post subject:

Don't forget the idea of the drugs too, moved.

Gina, if you can swing having the judge order drug testing do so. That ought to upset his little apple cart.
And always remember, be safe.
_________________

I Love Little Steven And That Guy He Sometimes Plays With.
Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
windsongsharmony@gmail.com

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

yes agree with both Windsong, also a thought maybe hes after more money
Playing the sympathy card to get it, the compensation card
I might be wrong but please be aware just in case

Hugs
Movedon
xxxxxxx