Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

pinkybubbles · Guest

I dont like to be touched in anyway- if someone brushes past me in a shop I have a tingle down my spine like when someone scratches finger nails down a blackboard.

I wasnt like this before I was with the P and it is getting worse and more noticeable all the time- whether its my anxiety thats increasing or that i dont like myself much and think im going to feel abnormal compared to others- maybe its part of my paranoia.

this morning i was doing my normal circuit at curves- 2 women came in and joined the circuit either side of me- well i started to panic they were too close to me- my heart rate increased way above a normal level certainly a lot higher than it normally is when im working out. I had to move to another section of the circuit- im sure those women must have thought i thought they smelt.

Last year my sister in law went to a health farm for a weekend for her hen weekend- i met up with the girlies for a meal but didnt stay at the health farm- when the girls were telling me how lovely the massages were i clenched up and had to ask them to stop talking about it because i felt physically sick- I dont like hairdressers washing my hair- you know when they do that funny head massage thing- its awful. Even if a friend is being kind and touches my arm with sympathy or something i have to pull away and just want to go wash myself-

is this just me or is this a normal response after being with a P?

By the way I think its interesting to know I am ok if I have sex- i dont like forplay anymore but plain simple sex is fine- i just dont want to be touched- is this because i dont think im worthy, so i think im disgusting or is it that i dont like the people who are touching me?

ocean · Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 320

Hi there pinky,,

I think the question you can ask yourself is,,were you comfortable with touch prior to your entanglement with a P,,or did this occur following,
if following could be post traumatic stress syndrome, severe emotional trauma reaction,

I would absolutely see a physician who can guide you towards feeling comfortable again,

Some people have huge personal spaces, and feel invaded when others intrude, that means if sex was okay, you allowed him into your personal space,,,with exceptions of course

I dont think this is an issue of liking yourself or not,

I wish you to find the answers you can and find some peace regarding this issue

ocean

samvaknin · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2213

Hi,

These may be of help - click on the links:

How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

The Narcissist's Victims

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq38.html

Victim Reactions

http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/article.cfm/victim_reactions

Mourning the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html

The Three Forms of Closure

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

Traumas as Social Interactions

http://samvak.tripod.com/trauma.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

Surviving the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

Take care.

Sam

pinkybubbles · Guest

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

Pinky,

I have the same problem, although it is getting a little better. I still also have an exagerated startle response (three years after the fact) due to PTSD.....

I think once we accept that a crime was committed against us, we come to realize that things like having problems being touched are just a product of our experience and we don't question whether or not they are normal, but more a part of the journey towards integrating the experience into our lives and formulating who we are in the aftermath.

pinkybubbles · Guest

just seems wrong to possibly make others self aware by having to move away from them quickly- i dont want to run forever- but my heart was racing and i knew i couldnt spend the next 8 minutes or one circuit so close to 2 people with no way out.

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

Pinky:

Thanks so much for saying all that stuff. I cringe when someone touches me too, because I think they are going to be grossed out by me, isn't that sick? Those subtle little things my ex-P husband did and said to me had a profound effect on how I feel about myself. Not worthy. He would just look at me and say, it has nothing to do with you why I don't want to have sex, I have no desire to be with you or anyone, however, when he met a younger more attractive girl, he had the desire. Sometimes I think that he may as well have just killed me, because he did kill my spirit, my self esteem and broke my heart. Do people die of a broken heart?

Kathryann

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

Oh yeah...and sex for me, is definately out of the question...and I have come to accept that I will probably remain that way...I feel so dirty after being with him (there was sexual abuse of me in front of my kids and when I was pregnant)

Plus, there has not been anyone special enough in my life to even consider that road with let alone just dating...I have to try to fix what was damaged before I can be good for anyone else and bring the most to a relationship and I have never been a casual sex kind-of-girl, so sex it OUT!

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

Pinky,

I can tell you are a kind, considerate person and these are wonderful traits but don't worry about how others feel...you got to give yourself a break and look out for #1.

You are not intentionally alarming people, it is just part of you right now and you have to accept it and not beat yourself up.

Kathryn,

I am so with you....I often tell people that my spirit has been killed-it's how I feel. Sex for me is very spiritual so I completely understand where you are coming from.

pinkybubbles · Guest

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

Have you had any counseling from a rape crisis center at all? I have found it difficult to do that "work" up to this point.

I have been in counseling for practically the entire 3 years since I left him and even though my counselor knows I have problems with sex, she doesn't push me on it.

pinkybubbles · Guest

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

Do you guys think that sexual abuse is also telling you you're not good enough to have sex with? My ex-P husband sexually abused me in a different way, he would not touch me or come near me. I feel lower than low about that because I feel like I wasn't even worthy of being touched. I totally feel for you guys that have been abused, I was abused, by a woman when I was very young until about age 10. A pedophile, and that has had a huge impact on how I relate to men sexually. I have always felt bad about myself in that area.

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

Sorry, after I just posted I realized that I picked him out to keep the abuse cycle going. I felt ALL of these things about myself way BEFORE I met him, he just reinforced them by the way he treated me.

pinkybubbles · Guest