Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

gemstone18 · Joined: 03 Jul 2007 Posts: 1

I believe my partners ex whom he had two children with, has narcissistic personality disorder and her behavior is disrupting our relationship.

She rings me up constantly and wont stop talking and its like once she starts talking she doesn't stop, she'll say nice things and throw in the odd splice of venom i.e. being nasty without being directly nasty. I can't get a word in edgeways to make up a line just to get away from her. Usually she is boasting or bragging about her job i.e. pay rises, recognition, her boyfriend. She seems very insensitive i.e. if im feeling down she'll keep bragging like i'm non-existent. It has gotton to the point that we have had to pull the phones out of the wall. BUT the minute I put them in, there she is ringing me. If she can't get through she sends text messages to my partner. Or she turns up at our house to discuss something about the kids and she'll start bragging again, she flirts with my partner her ex and I know it and she knows it, I think she thinks it's funny that she can get away with it. Yet she verbally tells me she is over him, they broke up 5 years ago they both cheated on each other. I came along way after and I have one child with my partner he's not going back to her, but it annoys me that he seems to get off on her flirting, he thinks she still wants him. She know this annoys me and so she keeps doing it!!!

Its like we can't get rid of her. Theres no peace.

In the past when my partner has tried to put up boundaries on her incessent interferring she has thrown massive hot headed fits. My partner then gives in to her and gives her all the praise she wants to get her from manipulating him i.e. She'll say that she is taking the kids off him as she has full custody and can do that if she wants and make him pay child support. Its really frustrating when she tries to intimidate him and I that way. She has been really judgemental on my parenting skills for her children and made up things about what I have done and then tells my partner. Her kids use to really like me and she hated that, she told me so. She started manipulating them against me and whenever they ring her she tells them she is eating take-outs or doing something fun to get them to say that they want to go to her place. At the moment they can't see through her and im worried that her interferring with them is causing distance between us as they now have a bit of atitude with me because of things there mother has said about me. Example: This is silly but a sad example of her manipulation: she has told the kids to ring her if I ever make them a im-proper lunch i.e. must have chips and biscuits everyday, as a stay at home mum i'm on a tight budget, so when the kids eat the chips and biscuits after school thats it for the treats (they still get their sammies and fruit). When this happens they'll say to me "i'm ringing mum, your bad and your going to get in trouble" their mum then rings my partner and says "why aren't my kids being given proper lunches" she'll turn up at their school with bakery food and treats, despite having explained situation to her. Sadly my relationship is being broken up with them substantially since her interferring and it's like there is nothing I can do about it. Its very depressing.

The weird thing is, is that she is really far from the perfect parent as she has a drinking problem and a gossip problem having stayed at her house, I saw that she spent hours on the phone neglecting the kids, but they didn't mind because they were allowed to do what ever they wanted. She tries to control them by bribeing them with material things. And lately I have noticed her son in particular becoming very materialistic and angry with me when I can't give him whatever he wants. Also my step-daughter mimicks her mothers boasting and has on many occassions spent a good hour in front of the lounge room mirror in front of me telling herself how she is the sexiest most beautfful girl in the world. I find this behavior in an 8 year old child odd. She will go up to strangers who come to the front door selling items or friends of mine that come over that she doesn't even know and tells them "i'm the beauty because I am beautiful," she repeats this sentence obsessively about 20 times a day. Her father thinks it's cute but im worried. She also seems to have these odd ticks for about 4-5months she would say sorry to herself over and over again i.e. she would just be watching t.v and she'd say "so sorry" I would tell her to stop and that would make it worse shed then say it 3-6 times. When I contacted her Grandmother about it because her father said it was normal, she also said it was normal, and that her son the girls father would do things like that as a kid as well, and that it would pass we just had to ignore it. Well it did pass. But I really don't think it was normal. Am I wrong? Is this normal?

Question

a) I would like to know if there is anything I can do to prevent my step-daughter becoming an adult narcissist. I don't want that life for her. And I am finding her self love, well hard to swollow. Her brother is the opposite and seems depressed to me, he doesnt like himself because he believes he is inferior to her, because she repeats that to him soo often. He is only 10 and has told me one time, that he wanted to kill himself. He has also become a bully at his school.

Question

b) How do I deal with my partners ex, whos narcissistic controlling behavior is stressing me out? sick of the hot headed reaction she gives when she doesn't get what she wants, her want of ultimate control and power over us to make our lives miserable. I am currently in the first trimester of pregnancy and she continually puts pressure on us to have the kids when it is her week, and this means seeing her an awful lot. ???? HELP - I AM TIRED AND I FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY FROM IT ALL.
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samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316