Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Raspberries · Guest

Honestly

he wanted more contact with our son, so I offered it and he hasn't bothered to reply!. It was going to be free supervised access for about 4 hours to start with...currently it is paid supervised access for 1 hour a week at $18 a week (I pay the other $18 a week).

Should I text him and ask for a yes or no or just ignore it and let it go?, knowing I have offered and he didn't bother accepting it? (which will make him look crap in court!). I find it so hard to know what to do in these situations...especially when i'm basically doing everything for the eyes of the court. Confused

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1464

Do not ask him again is my advice. You have already made an offer. I recommend not pushing the issue. The ball is in his court and you have proof. Hon, that's all you can do.

Lukky · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2620

I agree with Lemon Raspberries.....Youve done what you could and now its up to him to make himself accountable to that......and you have the proof you did the right thing ....

Its not easy I know but he will only get off on you texting him again... Dont Sweat it k.... at the end of the day they unfortutately mostly dont give a hoot about the kids... they only use them to get at us....
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'The Best reaction is no reaction'

Raspberries · Guest

Yeah I know, thanks ladies. I need to be reminded to not play their game sometimes.

My mum's church has organised for a few men to do the supervised visits, but I think we will have to tell them that he currently isn't taking up the offer. I don't want to waste these people's time for Mr Psychopath. It pings me off because mum and I especially went to the minister and asked him as Mr P was "begging" for more time Evil or Very Mad

.

Lukky · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2620

They do it to look like the 'nice guy' Raspberries..... When really they just want to go and tell all their dum ass friends who havnt cottoned on to their b/s yet,,, that you are being uncooperative....

As hard as it is he probably finds the one hour hard let alone four!!! He was more than likely hoping you would refuse so he could cause a drama about that..... So in that respect you did great.... You absolutely stopped him in his tracks.... He's probably still reeling in shock and thinking..."hey that wasnt how this was supposed to go!!"

Good on ya Girl...
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'The Best reaction is no reaction'

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1464

Rasp, you said it! It's a game. A game to keep you upset, angry, crying, frustrated and afraid.

I highly recommend changing your tactics. And here's why. Every time I contacted my now exP to "negotiate" something, it blew up in my face. I'd try to get him to return my belongings and he'd say over and over that he would. Well, he never did. It was one excuse after another. The weather was too cold. He didn't have summer tires for the truck, so he couldn't drive it on the highway. Something "came up" one week end he said he'd bring my things and he didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that he wasn't coming until I contacted HIM! And when I gave in to his demands of coming over to where we had lived (and I still live) he'd come by with the pretense of only needing this or that.......then he'd take even more than I had agreed to. Finally, I had to file for a divorce after TRYING to negotiate with him. It was then that I stopped contact through email. I just forwarded them on to my attorney. The only way, in the end, was to take him to court. So now, there is a court order that he must give me back my stuff and the other things that were awarded to me.

The fu*ker NEVER intended on returning my things to me. He ended up having most of a household worth of our property in HIS posession. Well, while he had possession of so much, things "walked away", "got damaged" and he sold a whole bunch of things, he claimed. So basically, there wasn't anything of any real value that I could get back.

Lesson learned? Possession IS 9 tenths of the law. You keep your child as safe as you can. I would not negotiate with him at all, but I know you feel obligated. Do not bend to his pressure or pursue him, that's what he wants you to do. If you do have contact with him, stay focused on the well being of your child and do not talk about anything else. If he wants something and your not comfortable answering him right away, you have a right to get back to him after you've thought long and hard about his proposal. Good for you to bounce your ideas off us. We can help you stay focused.

Sorry this was so long. My whole purpose in this was to maybe help you see that negotiating with a P just doesn't work. AND NC as much as you can in your situation. Don't be the fish! He's baiting you.

Hugs Rasp. Hang in there! We're here for you!