Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

confuddled · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 1

Hi,
I have never posted before, however, I have been looking around for awhile. I have a question I have never seen addressed. Has anybody else been so screwed up after their P (5 years out.....13 years married)that they have to go on disability (ssdi for me). The constant fear, violence, betrayal, and realisation that he was a predator through and through really messed me up. Of course, at the end of it all he convinced my family that I was the one that was crazy, paranoid......etc. (even to the point the both parents signed me involuntarily to a psych hospital based on his information). I have been wondering this for awhile and figured this was the perfect place to post it.

Thank you for such a wonderful site. A place we can share the weird things and be understood,

Thanks again,
confuddled

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 313 Location: USA

I actually applied for disablility and was turned down even though I have PTSD and severe depression. I am doing better now because my meds changed, but I have more bad days than good along with some physical problems too.

Before my experience with my ex, I was the happiest, most jovial person in the world. I loved life....all of it...I was very active in many things and people said things about me like "she has 'it'" or that I " have a way with people"....I was called a "dynamic businesswoman" amongst many other positive things.

Now, I feel like just a shell. I feel like any innocence I had was taken away. I find it difficult to trust, to look men in the eye, and to find the beauty in life that I once found.

I don't know how anyone can go through something so un-natural and not have problems. Our brains and souls weren't wired to endure someone oppressing us, to be in a constant state of fear and dread, to feel devastatingly hurt feelings...nobody thrives on negative stimulation. We learn to adapt and endure it-what choice do we have? Ever hear of Pavlov's dog experiment?

pinkybubbles · Guest

I am 4 and half years out a relationship- thought I was coping- but I am not.

Sleep between 2-6 hours a night, hate leaving the house, have too talk myself into going out, worrying that people will think im too fat and unattractive to be let out on the street like my ex P told me. I only started seeing a counsellor in november because I thought I could deal with this alone.

I dont work and Im not sure I could cope with working- I dont need to be on the sick because I have a young child and can claim benefits without being signed off.

artichokeheart · Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:34 pm Post subject:

Hey, I don't know about disability (if you are in the States), but I do know it is REALLY hard to get it for mental reasons and so I wouldn't count on it if I were you. Definately try it, just don't be too upset if they turn you down. I know a woman who has a very serious mental disorder (caused by a brain injury) and was turned down.
I think it's ok and normal to expect that you will never be the same person you were before you met your P/N. You have been through at worst a trauma, at best a learning experience. I do think that with time, perhaps medicine and counseling, you can return to a state of normal functioning. But will you be the same? No. And would you want to be? The only good thing about going through something like this is that you are out of it and you are hopefully less likely to end up in the same situation again. Just speaking for myself, I know that it will be easier for me to recognize all of those warning signs I ignored in my husband the next time I'm dating someone.
I also think that a big part of not being able to move on is that just because they're out of our lives the threats go on. My husband (soon to be ex) filled my head with such horrible threats when I left him... Stuff like, "I'll be back one day... When you least expect it I'll come back for my daughter... I can always find you... I'll wait ten years for you to let your guard down..." etc... You better believe that I will live a more cautious life because of that, it'll be in the back of my head. But I'm not going to live in a bunker and stay up all night either. I have to go on with my life.
Focus on the positive, even if you've lost everything, you haven't lost your life. And that's something to be thankful for. I know, you're thinking, what kind of life do I have now? But there are a lot of women who don't make it out of abusive relationships alive. We are the lucky ones.
-Teresa

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1435

You feel like your innocence has been robbed because it has. He stole from you the things you valued most about yourself....that is what P did to me....It seems like things will never get better, but really, it will. Have you a therapist that can help you with goals to overcome the obstacles that seem to disable you from moving forward? Therapy is so important, and finding the right therapist for you is also important.

For anyone who is reading this and DOES NOT have a THERAPIST, I want to encourage you to make a change and GET ONE! Give yourself back the power that the P so successfully stripped from you!

Hang in there....it will get better....I still struggle with anxiety.....but I have been working on ways to get a handle on it with help from my therapist.

Take care...

NLHV
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NLHV

ljleedom · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 58 Location: Connecticut

Going on disability is a mixed bag. You are entitled to collect SSDI if you can't work, are disabled and paid into the system. However, work and improving your competency are the best things you can do for yourself.

If you haven't seen it yet please see the string under Do you have these symptoms?
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LJL
ljleedom@aol.com

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1435

Hear, hear, LJ! What better way to heal than to focus on ourselves and work toward goals that will make us whole again!

NLHV
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NLHV

samvaknin · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2015

Hi,

These may be of help - click on the links:

How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

The Narcissist's Victims

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq38.html

Victim Reactions

http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/article.cfm/victim_reactions

Mourning the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html

The Three Forms of Closure

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

Traumas as Social Interactions

http://samvak.tripod.com/trauma.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

Surviving the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

Take care.

Sam

pinkybubbles · Guest

JJL - getting the garbage out and sharing it will eventually release the load which is currently resting on you- as you say you were married many years and you have a lot too get out in order to start feeling better- you will get past this stage and begin to see the light its just going to take a while before this starts to happen.

Can your daughter not make arrangements to visit her cousins or even go out with them away from organised family functions- she will have the best of both worlds then and not have to inflict what her father is putting on her nor the humiliation of having to deal with it in front of other family relatives who are not going to understand the full effect this has had on her.