Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

Today is 3 months of NC for me, and I'm doing a little better, however, I really am starting to wonder if that is what he is, although he was diagnosed as one, he has not made any attempt whatsoever to contact me, and I see that most people's P's continue to try to contact them and follow them around. I'm truly thinking that he's back with his ex-OW and they are doing okay, maybe he just loved her all along, and she wouldn't have him back until now. I'm truthfully driving myself crazy with this. I just wish I knew the truth. I came very close to calling his job today, just to see if he was still working there, but I didn't. I'm really, really trying to move on, but nothing seems right to me, I feel like I'm just walking under water most of the time, trying to do millions of things to keep my mind off how horrible I feel about myself and him.

Kathryann

Cookie1 · Guest

Hi Kathy....my xp has never tried to contact me either....in 5 years my daughter just happened accidently to see him in a strange car...parked and staring at my building....she pulled up right behind him and b4 she could get out of her car he took off...lead her in a pretty high speed chase thru city streets...and lost her.Thats the closest he's come(that I know of) We called the police and to my surprise I was told I had to see him more than once and report it and after 3 times something would get done.....How often do women see their stalker????? So that stalker law is a sham! Other than that nothing...course he ruined my reputation with every single person we ever knew so I would doubt he would dare be seen with me or anything else.In my opinion Kathy you need to change your thinking....BE HAPPY AS CAN BE that he isn't bothering you so that you can recover from the hell he put you thru.....

brownie · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 25

Kathy, you're still only three months of NC and so it is normal to still wonder. It's called magical thinking. However, two things are in your favour: (1) he's a diagnosed P and (2) he's not contacting you.
Give it time and stay strong, come to the forum when you feel weak. You'll get there.
Next week marks three years since I escaped the psycho wife from Hell and I must say that life is vastly brighter once you get on with life. They're forever trapped in their disorder, but we can be free.
brownie

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1427

Kath

I'd count your lucky stars that the P isn't contacting you!

And yes, you said yourself that you are driving yourself crazy with wondering about him.

The question is, are YOU doing ok? And, what would it take for you to stop the obsessive thinking about him and the OW? What else could you do? Tell yourself STOP and think about something else? Put a rubberband on your wrist, pull it and then let it go when you think about him. Remember the pain? May not have been the same type of pain, but that little trick is useful to snap yourself out of the obsessive thinking.

What I'd like you to do is to start thinking about Kathryann, period. Who is Kathryann? Don't know? Want to find out? You never will find the answers to that (and more) if you keep obsessing about him and the OW.

I know it's hard. I know. And look at you! 3 months of NC today! Hon, celebrate! Start using the energy that you are wasting on the P, on yourself!

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

Thanks so much you guys I do appreciate your input. I am trying very hard to think about myself, as a matter of fact after 14 straight days of working I stayed home today to do that. I am feeling sick with a cold, and instead of being the martyr, like I sometimes do, I'm watching out for me.

Kathryann[/b]

pinkybubbles · Guest

I too worry that my exp has not tried to contact in a long time- i wonder when he will reappear from the woodwork or the gutter- initially my exp made a big fuss about us getting back together and having contact with our daughter- it will be 4 years in march since he stopped trying to pursue contact- This on one hand I am highly greatful for and on the other scared shiteless about because if you cant see them you wonder what they could be planning- I do know my ex has a NS- I was told he married a woman 15 years his senior 3 years ago, shes very rich apparently and attractive and youthful by all accounts- Rather her than me- maybe you were just strong with your ex and he knows he wont ever break through your barriers or he has a NS - dont worry about things that may never happen- live your life- gain strength and if he does ever show up you will be ready to deal with anything he tries to throw at you

XXXX

Newlife · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 6

I was married to a diagnosed P. And he never openly contacts me. He stalks me instead. He steals my identity and gets into my internet banking and credt accounts. He hasn't done anything to get caught, but he is there after 4 years of NC.

I have been on/oof the board and I knda drop in every so often to see if I can help. I have pretty much decided there is a big difference between a N and a P. Although Ps have all the same awful traits of the N in their lesser bad behaviors, the P puts them all to shame. Everyone I have seen says the truely diagnosed P acts differently. They are much more devious and plott their actions. (the intelligent ones) The reason I think he doesn't come around is that he has evil in mind, probably wants to hurt me, but doesn't want to get caught. He spent time in jail the last time and it was an insult to his ego...believes he is too smart to get caught.

Now he has sent others at least twice, but the police caught them. And in some ways the Ps are a lot more difficult to catch or pin down. So...

Be happy he is not in your face.
Beware of your surroundings and
Be careful.

I have moved on and live as normal a life as possible under the circumstances. BUt once a P has you in their mind/sights...you are not rid of them as long as they are alive.

Joyfull
_________________
The Lord is my Strongtower

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

Thanks Newlife, you are right, in the past 6 years he has shown up at some unusual places. I just know that the last time I saw him he was becoming very aggressive, he has been in treatment for vicodin addiction 5 times in the last 2 years. I have moved, changed my phone number and left my job. Very few people have my phone number and they would NEVER give it to him. I did all those things because I am SO vulnerable to him, and I was very afraid that next time I wouldn't survive the abuse.

Kathy