Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

SillyGal · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 132 Location: Florida

Sam,
My process of being emotionally overpowered by the XN was somewhat different to what I was able to find on the Internet.
Yet all of the stages of this abuse have been successfully reached.
It seems like he did everything opposite to achieve that. It is I that have made the incorrect decisions by which I became dependent , isolated, depressed and overpowered by him.
For example my XN insisted I see my friends - when I met him I had a large group around me. However his actions and not words have made me isolate myself from them I didn't want to listen to their criticism of him and he MADE SURE he provided them with plenty of reason for concern.
He said he would never ask me for money but made me feel sorry for him - that pity cost me thousands of $.
He insisted he wants to live by himself - but having no job and no money again played on my sympathy.
That list goes on and on.
In all of this he keeps pointing out to me that it was I who wanted to give him money, buy him a truck, have him live with me, support him. It is I who broke up with my friends, didn't see my family etc, etc.

So I am a little confused who to blame for this awful situation I found myself to be in. After all there were ALL MY DECISIONS.
Is it normal for an abuser to manipulate his way to your brain so you would provide him with the things he needs and wants but all through the process he would insist he wanted the opposite?

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2268

Actions speak louder than mere words. He protested? So, what if he protested? What does it prove?

YOU offered him money - but HE took it. YOU bought him a truck - but HE accepted it. YOU chose not to see your friends because HE made it impossible for you.

Abuse is like tango - it takes two. And, believe it or not, you are a codependent.

Click on these links:

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq36.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html

Take care.

Sam