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NMIL's torture

 
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sunnyday



Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 29
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:45 pm    Post subject: NMIL's torture Reply with quote
My husband is the only child - "golden child" of my NMIL, since the day of my marriage she has been making my life a hell and tells my husband he has become all alone after marriage, she tries to seperate me from my husband and my husband though he is so nice individually turns in a zombie when he talks to her , in our community it is not right to walk out of marriage , she gives threats to me like she will get her son to leave me if i even say a word about her behaviour . It is a taboo to discuss that there is some sort of a problem, she gets fits of anger. When I delivered my first child she didnt even let my husband be in the hospital with me and didnt let him talk to me for 20 days initially the most critical period when i needed him after delivery - he was on the phone with her through out the day giving live commentary. she has cutoff my husband from my family and does not let him meet them - no rationality here ..

My question is how do i deal with my husband and make him understand and get him out of the zombie state - he is a very nice individual but the minute he talks to his mom his mental faculty is just shutdown and he turns into a zombie.

what is the best way to deal with her / rather expose her in front of relatives or friends.
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sunnyday



Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 29
PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 3:31 pm    Post subject: Continuation .. Reply with quote
Dr Vatkin,

I'm from India where generally it is looked upon daughters-in-law to be obedient to the parents-in-law - my NMIL uses this as an excuse and cries in front of all my relatives and pretends in front of them- but her behaviour is intolerable and her rages are fits of anger with threats to make my husband divorce me which again is not something society generally would accept in my community. My husband though the only child never really enjoyed his life and she has never let him be happy with me also - she cannot bear to see him smile at me, however he is not willing to accept that his mom is the problem..he is in a zombie state with her - he never really gets close to any friends and she has restrained him from mixing with my family. I really donot know how to deal with this problem and what is the best way to make my husband realize this?. Kindly throw some light and help me. I really appreciate your advise and help. Thanks much.
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samvaknin
Site Admin


Joined: 15 Feb 2007
Posts: 2289
PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 4:28 pm    Post subject: Realization Reply with quote
You can't make your husband realize something he was conditioned not to realize from early childhhod onwards. He doesn't want to face reality and the truth and he has made a clear choice: he prefers his mother to you. Take it or leave him.

How to cope with HER?

As you would cope with any other narcissist - click on the links:

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

Take care.

Sam
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