Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

mamaj469 · Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 1

I'm mother to a 26 year old with ASPD. He has not really been diagnosed but he fits the profile to the tee. We went to counseling when he was a teenager, and this term was never mentioned. He lives on his own since I basically kicked him out at age 20. He struggles every day. Addiction is a problem, was on probation for a while. What is so hard is to completely let him go. I know that I can't fix him or help him. I try to be there for him to give him moral support. I stopped helping him financially about two years ago. Every time I think I'm doing well with it, something else happens in his life and it seems like my heart is breaking again, for the thousanth time.

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1427

Welcome to the forum Mamaj. I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

I invite you to read all you can. There is a links section further down the main page (index). Hopefully, with time, you will find the knowledge and strength to do what you need to do for yourself.

Please keep coming back and posting.

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1427

I'm going to move your post down to the parents section Mamaj. You might get more feedback there.

ilovemusic · Joined: 18 Mar 2007 Posts: 151

I'm mother to a 26 year old with ASPD. He has not really been diagnosed but he fits the profile to the tee. We went to counseling when he was a teenager, and this term was never mentioned. He lives on his own since I basically kicked him out at age 20. He struggles every day. Addiction is a problem, was on probation for a while. What is so hard is to completely let him go. I know that I can't fix him or help him. I try to be there for him to give him moral support. I stopped helping him financially about two years ago. Every time I think I'm doing well with it, something else happens in his life and it seems like my heart is breaking again, for the thousanth time

I understand, it is like all you can say and do with and to these types of people is "I will invest in your recovery" but not your politics (Bs)

wahela11 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 182 Location: Iowa

Hi mamaj, welcome.

I helped raise two P stepdaughters for 9 years. And it never got any better, in all that time. They were diagnosed after 7 years of therapy. I am lucky, I never had "parental guilt" to deal with. Because they were this bad at 5 and 7.

You are not to blame. There are many reasons why this child is ASPD, so don't allow your parental guilt to keep you in chaos and confusion. It is sad, I know. We always hope and want for the best for our children. If there are addiction problems, jail problems, etc. its hard to back off and let the child accept the responsibilities for his actions. But you are going to have to work on some form of detachment. Love the sinner, but hate the sin, something like that. Because you cannot fix it. This child is going to go down his own path.

Maintain boundaries of steel around you. Otherwise we lose, because we so want to help this child.

You can love someone and maintain high boundaries. Loving a child does not necessarily mean trusting that child to do what is right for us.

Again, welcome to the forum. We're here for you if you need someone, or just a place to vent.

wahela
_________________
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, each time, hoping for a different ending

paradox · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 120

Hi mamaj,
I have a 22 year old son who I was sure had ASPD until recently. We didn't have any diagnosis either, though not for lack of trying. I took him to a talk therapist and a medication provider for a year and a half when he was in high school.He fit all criteria to a T...then his behavior began to improve somewhat.
He still has a lot of problems, but I think now he may have ADD, and may have had adolescent onset conduct disorder.
I can't predict the future, but I believe that as parents we need to honor our instincts. If there is something within you that resists giving up all hope for your son, perhaps you should honor that. Personally, I protect myself from further abuse, but am supportive of my son's (often feeble) efforts to improve his life and make constructive changes.