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Was my ex a psychopath? please help

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

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Was my ex a psychopath? please help

Postby estrella » Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:05 pm

I have a feeling he is and I am left confused , heart broken , confused.

He was a big time liar , an alcoholic , lazy , had a really big *** drive and had a daughter he never talked about and didnt care but he was not full of himself, which is why I am confused. He would always tell me how proud he was of me and never really put me down. He did have alot of pride though and did brag about things that he had but it wasnt extreme. He did not pretend to have my same interests either. but he has absolutely no embarrassment , no empathy no remorse.

He did not have real emotions though , sometimes he would cry about how much "he loved me" but it felt so fake, his tears felt so forced. He argued alot because he was anti social and didnt like to be around my family and friends unless he was in the mood. He showed me he loved me and would do anything for me and was SO close to my family, we have alot of mutual friends and family and everyone wuld always say how much he changed for me... but then one day like a switch it all changed.

There were MANY red flags while we were together but the kicker was when he got locked up for unpaid child support and I helped him right before we were going on vacation back to our home country with both of our families , I bailed him out for ALOT of money, while on vacation he was with me everyday and showered me with gifts but wanted to stay there longer than me. He was suppose to stay a week but its been 4 months , the 1st month i asked him about the money he owed me and i wass so confused so hurt why he was being so cold and just did not are about me anymore. I started to ignore him and a month passed by and nothing happened. He didnt come back , he didnt give me back my money he did not reach out to me. I decided to send him a message offically ending it all and a day later he delted all of myphotos from social media and replaced it with a new woman , a new woman that he is now "madly in love with" even though he had plans to marry me.

We were in our relationship for a year and we were planning to get married and from one day to another he just discards me like if I never mattered to him , like if he was never close to my family and parents , like if he didnt owe me money , no remorse , no embarrassment even the fact that his entire family and my entire family are really close with each other.

He has not reached out to me except for a missed facetime call which could have been a mistake , and a message he tried to send me right when he changed my pictures on his social meida to a new woman but the message was empty, I did not pick up or respond.

I am left so confused , so heart broken and i think he may have been a psychopath but I dont see that he was a Narc .. he was not smart at all , he was really lazy and insecure .
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Re: Was my ex a psychopath? please help

Postby samvaknin » Mon Jan 02, 2017 10:58 am

Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD, Psychopathy) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.

These may be of help - click on the links:




Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:


Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

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