Hi Dr. Vaknin,
I have been diagnosed with BPd and have been in a 2 year relationship with a pathological narcissist who lured me into moving in with him gradually, made me become all dependent on him financially and emotionally, doesn't encourage me to find a job of my own, although Im almost finishing my PhD and can fin a good position anywhere.
Ive been feeling torture by the fact he's lied about every relationship in his past, made up stories changed them, then used the fact I am Bpd to tell me I make things up and am extremely jealous and paranoid and that he's only doing this by fear of me attacking him. Until I recently found out he's contacting girls he had affairs with during his last relationship (I am sure he hasnt physically cheated in me yet as we're always together) but he's really secretive and mysterious, and calls me a ***** for talking to friends or perceived flirts on Facebook.
Anyway, we're in different countries now and he was planning to visit me but I broke up with him for his lying and he thought it would be as usual, we break up then make up and are makinh travel plans an hour later (im also bpd and tend to be unstable when it comes to interpersonal skills) i feel hurt by him then decide im okay with, then I attack him later for the same thing I decided to overlook earlier.
So I broke up with him and he decided he had u finished business to discuss and that he needed to give me some instructions and get closure. Turns out he wanted to tell me he's the one breaking up with me, like he wants to have the last word and called me a ***** and insulted my family. He called me an ingrate after ALL he hs done for me all he bought and went through, the fact i never gave him at least care and love in return for all his sacrifice.
Now that he's noticed I am really serious about the no contact thing, and he's blocked on all platforms, he started mailing me asking me To return the gifts he
bought me (every single one) claiming that i considered them bribes and should therefore give them back as they were mere bribes to me. This comes in response to the fact I told him he wasnt the only one giving, and reminded him that I also did a lot for him, and that I am sad he only gave me presents to keep me with him although he lies and is controlling.
He texted me saying he would change and promised he would get teeatment and sent me a poem. When that didnt work he accused me of Hit n Run amd exploiting him them throwing him away, although hes the one saying he cant stand me but loves me deeply, wants ti marry me and I am *****, he's great and I am BPD.
So he's been stalking me, telling me I have been contacting people, and that he should have broken up with me long ago, hes contacting my mom harassing her and telling her she needs to convey messages to me.
He's in a high status job, and tells my mom i have all his secrets and that he needs me to makeup for all his lost resources and trust, and telling her to pack my gifts so he can have someone pick them up.
He's started to become scary and threatening, hes in a high position amd calls me from Unknown numbers several consecutive times at night and during the day. He's showing me he's after my family and trying to belittle them by pointing out they must be like their daughter exploiting his kindness all these years, accepting gifts.
He even called me on Skype last week and told my mom to help us pick an expensive bag for me, so he could use it against her later making her part if the conspiracy.
He also told her how nice he was for buying me a second one without telling us, and was planning to surprise me with it.
I don't know how to react to this, as my mom blames me for being paranoid and for having accused him of lying as I am Bpd and tend to do that with all my exes.
He even managed to make mom doubt me.
I have proof this time, and I know hes been lying. I also blame myself for being this cruel to him, and am starting to believe he is not narcissistic and tht I might have made this up in my mind because my dad is and that a lot of his behavior is similar to his.
Is it possible I am wrong? Is there any other disorder similar to narcissism? A sort of pleaser type of guy who blackmails with his gifts, who cheated repeatedly on all his exes, never says i look nice when we go out, always cares about his hair and what he looks like , never genuinely smiles has no sense of humor, controls me and what I wear and who I talk to but has a password on his phone, doesnt take gifts because he doesnr need stuff and hes fulfilled...
Is he dangerous? I need some explanation please...
Thank you and have a nice day