Welcome to the Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you only limited access to discussions and other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to reply to topics and post new topics, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free, so please, join our community today!

Retaliation sexual sadism increase with infidelity

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

** Please do not post replies in this forum. This forum is for Dr. Vaknin ONLY to answer questions. Any general discussion posts WILL be deleted without warning.**

Moderators: WindSong, samvaknin

Retaliation sexual sadism increase with infidelity

Postby pseudonymish » Thu Dec 10, 2015 6:37 am

Dr. Vaknin,
I've been involved with my significant other for over 11 years, and it's been no less than a harrowing journey. Though he's seen a psychiatrist, he bailed out when a diagnosis was being formulated, and refuses to go back. In fact, he's so averse to believing that there is something amiss, he's even been refunded his money. Despite a concrete diagnosis, he's always prided himself on being a narcissist and ridding people from his life whenever they're no longer of any use to him. As well, I was kept on a string strictly for sexual purposes, although he knew I was in love with him for many years. It was not until a few years ago upon him becoming ill and having to seek disability, at which time he found God and God changed him ( his words). He then decided I was worthy of being his girlfriend, then fiancé. I've since been demoted back to girlfriend status, as I was forced to begin asking questions due to his shifty behavior towards me.
Much too many oddities began popping up as proof that he was engaging in some sort of extracurricular activity with one or more women around the time he was finally awarded disability benefits. Soon after, he was scheduled to undergo surgery to fix the issue causing problems and get back to work, although he has yet to return due to other extenuating circumstances. Throughout this time things have escalatedin the cheating arena. Every time I am upset and voice my concerns, it turns into all out, crazy-making, put-down fest until I am backed into a corner apologizing for somehow "bringing stress into his life" while being given the silent treatment. This includes his getting frustrated with me for want of loving reassurance due to the offshoot of grief from my mother's recent passing. He keeps a running scoreboard of all my perceived wrongdoings, and has a habit of bringing these things up with bitter resentment, biting words and an ongoing claim that I need serious help, and he's looking out for me. I've noticed a correlation between these arguments popping up when he needs to leave the house for a 30 minute appointment, yet he returns 2-3 hours later. He has admitted that he feels entitled to seek vengeance when he believes he's been wronged. After these arguments, I find the ante has been upped on the sexual sadism scale. I have, in the course of a few months, recently found that it seems someone has been given permission or encouraged to wear my clothing/use my personal items if I leave them at his home by accident or if I leave my overnight bag there while running to an appointment. Some examples include, his returning a previously clean tank top, turning it right side out in front of me before handing it over, and my later discovery of dirty bra band imprints and body accentuating makeup/ micro glitter indicative of another woman having worn it. As well, I've found bodily fluid stains (not from my use with him) on several other articles of clothing/jewelry and even personal toys I've left in my bag. What's more, he's asked me to wear said clothing/jewelry items during *** and he becomes more fixated on them than on me. I finally put locks on my overnight bag after finding on two occasions that my bed clothes seem to have been worn/rummaged through while everyone had been out of the house (straps adjusted on tops to fit below my breasts, extra clothing stretched out, items stolen or opened, and two fingerprints containing some sort of lubricant and female body fluid on a pair of my underwear.)
I have come to believe that these arguments started by my SO are some sort of way to vilify me in his mind, so that he can somehow justify his actions/inactions towards me. I understand that some of this is normal behavior for a cheat, but I feel an unnatural line has been crossed here.
I'm wondering if retaliation sexual sadism lies within the scope of a narcissist's adulterous repertoire? As well, because he's clearly not working alone, is it possible my N/NP has gotten involved with a female N/NP making for tag team tactics of abuse?
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Nov 13, 2015 1:56 pm


Re: Retaliation sexual sadism increase with infidelity

Postby samvaknin » Sat Jan 02, 2016 3:07 pm

Narcissists, psychopaths, ***, and marital fidelity

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4920

VIDEOS The Narcissist's Sexuality

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... 0S6MrktltX

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/5000

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/5002

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4959

Guilt? What guilt?

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4931
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:


Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

User avatar
Site Admin
Posts: 5977
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:30 pm

Return to Ask Dr. Vaknin Forum - post for ONLY Dr. Vaknin to answer. NOT a general discussion forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest