I'm a married female, with a caring husband and children. I believe I have highly narcissistic traits. It first showed up as a very low 'agreeableness' score on the NEO-PI-R, that I took 5 years ago. In practice too, my work colleagues, family members and friends, have found that I am very low on empathy, sympathy, compliance, respect for authority etc. Nevertheless, they find lots of things to admire in me. I thrive on compliments, and since I can do many things well, I get plenty. Until recently, my response to criticism was like that of any young adult with a fan club: denial - I'm too good for those remarks to be true, or that whatever I do is fully justified etc. Though, I can make friends very easily, I am not exactly interested in people. My worst trait is my really sarcastic tongue. I have, on many occasions, reduced many people (once even a CEO of a large firm) to tears, in just one or two sentences, without even raising my voice, but that happened in situations where I thought they were being deliberately obtuse, or were trying to take me for a ride. I do not think I'm manipulative. In fact, I'm generally, very honest - so honest that I often offend people by merely speaking the truth. Quite frankly, I'm proud of myself. Also, I don't exactly feel sad, when someone I know dies, neither do I feel thrilled-kind of happy, no matter what I achieve. I suppose, I do fit the NP profile, though I'm probably sub-clinical, and quite self-aware.
Anyway, shortly after I got married, I met a man, intelligent, great conversationalist, excellent manners, wealthy, highly educated ... blah, you get the idea. I fell in love with him, naturally. We texted on and off, and I met him a couple of times. He had this annoying habit of pulling a disappearing act on me, every now and then.
A few years ago, I went 'no contact' on him. He kept calling/messaging every once in a while, but I stopped responding. Last year, he texted me again, and since I am now a homemaker (found my job boring ... wanted to move on), I had plenty of time to engage. He too, is now married and has children. He says he wants to marry me, but something in me has always prevented me from making that leap. He keeps blowing hot and cold, and since I do speak my mind, rather brutally, I suppose I tick him off ever so often. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I Googled behaviours, and that's how I figured that he's a narcissist and with that discovery came the stunning one that I might be one too! Somehow that doesn't even disappoint me.
I know that his traits are more classically NP than mine - he is manipulative, not honest or transparent, and is probably more of everything I am. But I am kind of in love with him. More specifically, I'm completely obsessed with him. When we're texting back and forth (and we have great chemistry that way, we can banter for hours and entertain each other), I feel very happy and everyone, even my own children, seem like a distraction. When he goes silent, I'm out of my wits, though I usually manage not to act desperate or send him idiotic texts. I want to understand whether he is also obsessively thinking about me, when he withdraws, or can he just flip a switch and disengage?
Secondly, I want to help myself by consciously thinking about my actions when I'm dealing with my immediate family at least (the rest of the world can go to hell!), so that I don't hurt them too much. I have a vicious rage so I do things impulsively anyway, but I'm trying to be better. While I'm at it, can I also engage my narcissist friend and see if he wants to improve? I really do want to maintain the status quo: our marriages intact on either side, and us engaging as friends. There has never been any physical intimacy between us and both of us are predominantly the cerebral type, though we are both health conscious and very fit (not handsome or beautiful but attractive), for our respective ages.
Can two cerebral narcissists really have a lasting friendship?