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How To Get Through Sanely

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

** Please do not post replies in this forum. This forum is for Dr. Vaknin ONLY to answer questions. Any general discussion posts WILL be deleted without warning.**

Moderators: WindSong, samvaknin

How To Get Through Sanely

Postby java » Fri Mar 20, 2015 9:16 pm

Just this past January, I broke it off with my (what I believe to be) Narcissistic ex-girlfriend. She and I were together for over 2 years, and during the latter part of the 2 years, she ended up having surgery which I was the sole care provider for her. Her family visited once during the 4-5 months she was down and I cared for the home, her dog, and continued working (she still had money coming in though she was off of work temporarily). Helping her and her dog and managing work in a stressful environment was overwhelming on its own. But I attempted to continue to keep a "strong will" and we ended up, shortly after she started recovering, moving to a new apartment where I again ended up doing a lot of the laborious work getting us end, this was in December. After that she turned cold. I started being completely ignored, she would hide her possessions that we would commonly have used so I could not use them, and finally for New Years she completely went to another dimension. So much so that I ended up by myself before and after New Years day where she had abandoned me (something she had never done before). I made the decision to finally just breakup with her and it seemed to me like she started a "new life" almost immediately. Though our breakup was in January, she is already dating someone at this time. We're still currently living together, but I will be moving soon here in April. We do not converse at all with one another, we don't share anything, except the rent. But I am having a difficult time with understanding how it is so easy for them to go on to someone else. Is this a temporary fix? Was this new person already lined up? Does she see any fault or guilt in her actions/reactions to me? What measure can I take to keep my sanity?
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Re: How To Get Through Sanely

Postby samvaknin » Thu Apr 02, 2015 4:36 pm

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/5000

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4959

I miss him so much - I want him back!

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4934

These may be of help - click on the links:

The Narcissist's Victims

http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq38.html

Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths

http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders70.html

Mourning the Narcissist

http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq68.html

The Three Forms of Closure

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse17.html

Back to La-la Land

http://vaksam.tripod.com/journal78.html

The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist

http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq6.html

Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid
of Him?

http://vaksam.tripod.com/5.html

Traumas as Social Interactions

http://vaksam.tripod.com/trauma.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

Rescue Fantasies - Surviving the Narcissist

http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq80.html

The Malignant Optimism of the Abused

http://vaksam.tripod.com/journal27.html

The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive
Narcissists

http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq66.html

Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder

http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html

The Dependent Patient - A Case Study

http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html

Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily.html
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/siteindex.html

Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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