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My (Ex) Narc is sectioned!

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

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My (Ex) Narc is sectioned!

Postby Leah_m » Sat Dec 20, 2014 3:59 am

Hi Sam, and thanks in advance
5 weeks ago, my partner, who I have been with for almost 6 years was going out "for a beer with his mate" at an odd time. He was behaving strangely, body language etc. he has been going out a lot, getting home late etc for afew months, its not the first time in our relationship it has occurred, but it was much more frequent lately. He has been been off my radar due to the fact that i have been very sick with chronic illness. But feeling better and up to the task, I decided, nope, something is def up. So obviously I thought he was having an affair. (Turns out he was, but thats not the main part of this story!)
After he left I decided to do some detective work online....I searched for a common user name he uses, thinking I would find him on an online dating site or something.
But instead I found a profile on a website....
It's a really, really disgusting prnography site...setup a bit like FB for networking, sharing etc
When I looked at this very public profile he had shared pictures of me, my best friend and my best friend's daughter. She's 15, the pics were from when she was about 13. They were picutres from our FB photos. They were uploaded for the sole purpose of other like minded people to get off. He had uploaded another 20+ pics of unknown 12-17 years olds. But the worst was a picture he had commented on that someone else had uploaded. It was a pic of two girls in bikinis about 10-12 years old. His comment was "deeeeeeeeeeeelicious"
To cut a very long story short...the police were informed and seized all his devices. When he found out what had happened I wasn't in the home. But when I returned about 6 hours later....he had disappeared on foot, with a knife (missing from our set) and a picture of us both had been taken off the wall and left outside. He was reported missing to the police by myself. Quite a number of hours later he called the police. The police picked him up and took him to local hospital for asesssment. 5 weeks later and he is still scheduled. I am unable to get trustworthy and reliable information on his diagnosis or prognosis. Communication between his parents and I is not amiacable(they're Narcs too I believe) The hospital will not divulge any info for confidentiality reasons. When I did briefly have a conversation with is parents, they said that, "He is very, very sick, not talking, except to grunt, could be there for long time, then may need extensive rehab or not ever fully recover." The psych ward he is in, is only for acute care, and all people who I've spoken to say it is very unsual for someone to be scheduled there for more than afew days.
Since all of this has occurred, I have had to deal with some serious consequneces. What I found on the computer was not technically illegal, BUT the detective in charge rang me afew days ago. He said that the computers have been examined at specialist unit and they have found "high level" child pornography. I understand this to mean that the scale used to categorise this material was used and he had the worst possible material. He is going to charged when he is released from psych ward.
I have had an opportunity to analyse and look at the relationship from a new perspective. I was able to access his FB, and found evidence of atleast two serious affairs (well atleast the women thought it was going soemwhere anyway). Evidence of liasons with other men, evidence of some slightly sexually predatory stuff and also lots of lies. Transference and counter transference. Lots of manipulation, cyber ***. Seems the motivation for everything is sexual in nature. His interests in a sexual nature a clearly diverse, ranging from 'normal' to extremely perverse/deviant. Now the interesting thing about the affairs is, I didn't have a clue until recently. For some unknown reason he had stopped hiding things a carefully the last 3 or so months. His b.lang/voice told me everything the night I described, plus lots of other very very obvious clues that never occurred before.
So, I've also looked closely at our relationship from a new perspective and he fits covert NPD....I'm really tired so this is tough to type out, but lots and lots of the boxes ticked. I read alot about the difference between NPD and anti-social. I believe he is more liekly NPD than anit-social because he does seem to have deep seeded self loathing and self-esteem issues. However, I am aware than I am not qualified, and perhaps the label doesnt really matter anyway...
What matters to me, right now, is...when he gets out...am I safe? What is your best guess of what is happening with him at the moment? Psychosis? Faking? Hell bent on self harm? That's my main concern right now. Police have promised to inform me if he released, so I plan to leave when that happens. Police have not offered any protection as there is no history of violence. He has never been outwardly abusive towards me, his form of control/manipulation is very subtle, I believe. He also took advanatge of me being unwell and I believe there is evidence of his deviant behaviours always being there, but recently escalating...
Also I'm confused because....I believe his is covert, but I'm certainly no N! I'm an empath through and through, a free thinking, independent person. I'm wondering if this lasted as long as it did, just because of serious life events always getting in the way of me "being investigatory" of things that didnt add up. Our 5.5 year relationship consisted of him having 4 back ops, I suffered one serious depressive episode, he did too, plus I have been extremely physically unwell for the last 18 months. In amongst all that we bought a house and then had significant financial issues due to both of us not working for extended periods of time...
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Re: My (Ex) Narc is sectioned!

Postby samvaknin » Mon Dec 29, 2014 1:27 pm

Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.

These may be of help - click on the links:






Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:


Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

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