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Is this considered "abuse"?

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

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Is this considered "abuse"?

Postby lethallipstick » Tue Nov 25, 2014 5:52 am

I thought I was best friends with a narcissist for fourteen years. I'm positive that's what he is, he has too many traits to rationally deny it. I started figuring it out when he discarded me (I am a female and he now has a fiancee with an awful self esteem) and I turned to Google for answers. I've read lots of horror stories from people who have dated narcissists, but we never dated or lived together. I was never hit or stalked and I don't think I was ever verbally abused. This man spent time in prison on drug charges (two years) and before that the legal proceedings and investigation (it is also an unsolved missing person case) went on for eight years. I was friends with him for years before there was any sort of legal problem and stuck with him throughout his entire ordeal.

As soon as he was out of prison he just stopped talking to me with no explanation. His hoovering didn't last long, as my husband and friends told him to go straight to hell. He ran back to his fiancee with his tail tucked and an mouthful of lies and fake contrition. I thought this man was my best friend, and the discard cut my heart in two. I was lied to about SO much, I was ditched, I was used and manipulated, he lied ABOUT me, toyed with me, betrayed me, left me in turmoil, and then I was forgotten about.

Does this count as being abused or was I just hurt by someone taking advantage of my generosity? Compared to what some people have gone through I feel that "abuse" might be too strong of a word just because I don't want to minimalize what they've been through because it seems so much worse. I FEEL abused. It's been a year and a half and the pain is still very real. I don't know what to think about it. I'd really appreciate your opinion. Thank you so much.
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Re: Is this considered "abuse"?

Postby samvaknin » Thu Dec 11, 2014 4:45 pm

I am not sure why the label matters to you so. What does it matter if it is or is not called "abuse"???

Here is a definition of abuse:


Narcissists have no friends


Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/5000

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4959

Does the Narcissist Have a Multiple Personality (Dissociative Identity

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4950

Narcissists as Drama Queens

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4948

Narcissists and Emotions

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/5248

Narcissists and Mood Disorders

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/5067
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:


Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

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