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Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

** Please do not post replies in this forum. This forum is for Dr. Vaknin ONLY to answer questions. Any general discussion posts WILL be deleted without warning.**

Moderators: WindSong, samvaknin


Postby 1Eve » Tue Jul 29, 2014 4:38 pm

Dr. Vaknin,

I am confused about how to proceed with my primary relationship.

Based on reading your book I believe negativistic passive/aggressive is at play.

Is there some sort of "test" question(s) I can ask to figure out if he is NPD? or is he NPD by definition?

I am confused about what to do with this relationship as there is so little emotional interaction - emotional support - involvement. He is a great provider. Just he is very elusive and "pops" when I set boundaries. (Both of our fathers worked for the government during Vietnam war/Cold war & I fear some of those "secretive" type work behaviors became embedded at home. Both of our mothers were mentally ill/PD).

I am confused about how to determine if I should stay or I should go. I am working on myself. I am in the process of getting a new job. My kids are grown. I am in therapy.

thank you,
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Re: Confused

Postby samvaknin » Thu Aug 14, 2014 5:37 pm

If you are so confused and dissatisfied, why do you stay?

Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.

These may be of help - click on the links:




Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:


Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

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