Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

I just wonder if there will be a time when my mother will have a conversation with me without making me feeling like a crap. I wonder if I will hang up the phone and feel like, it's okay, my mother is okay about me having a life. Just wonder, if there will be a day when I will not feel guilty after talking with her because anything I do that does not serve her there is a crying and chocking voice coming out of her. I just wonder if one day she will recognize me instead of always making excuses for my brother's troubles and defending him by teeth. Of course, his troubles have become mine. And if I stand strong with my boundaries, again, I am the gailty one.
I just wonder. I am just really really tired of her crap. I do not know what to do anymore because the baby steps I take with my boundaries are perceived huge steps and sounds like a insult to her. All I am really doing is trying to take care of me and moving on with my life. I count I have decided from now on.

I have given these people the benefit of the doubt for more than I can count. I can not trough myself in their poisoned prison anymore, I have been there for so long.

There will be a day when she will ask the reason for my boundaries. She will ask, because to her my actions will have not been obvious. She will ask, because nothing she did, or nothing her whole family did was wrong.
She will ask, then she will blame. One more time, I will be the one with no shame. I expect all of these now.

My earlier conversation with her. I had not call her for two days.
I told her the government will deduct money from my paycheck because of the debt my brother has created for me by using my credit card.
The sound of her voice was more like, "can't believe you are making a big deal about his, no worries, I will pay for it." Geezzzz z..... this is not just about money. Where I work it's important that I have a perfect record or I can lose my job.
Then I told her I have no room to pay for anything extra because I will have to pay for my own credit card and I named a card that I have removed her name from. She can no longer buy things on my account for other people who have hurt me. So, she figured I have removed her and kept the card anyway. She cried and hangs up the phone without saying anything.
I do not use my cards that much and I am responsible paying my bills on time. These people are just the oposite of me.

I am tired of mother crap and I know I have to face so much. Why do I have a family?
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

we all have families. some are real and some arent. most of ours arent. Sad

_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

Cricket · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 113

Because sometimes you need a kidney?

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Thank you oaktree. I don't know what to think anymore.
Thanks Cricket. Funny. Smile

PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 486

PL, are you allowing your brother and mother to spend your money? It is not your responsibility to provide financial support to other adults. I apologise for being intrusive, and if I'm pointing out the obvious, but that struck me as unusual.

As for the question "why me?", the law of karma? luck of the draw? Reasons aside, we didn't choose them and we're not obliged to be part of them; although, as Cricket points out, they might come in handy for a kidney! Laughing

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

thanks thayilflies,
They will not spend my money again. They have done it in the past.
kidney part, I hope I never need anything like it from the family.
Thanks for replying all of my posts thayiflies.
(((((( thayiflies))))))
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

amybrad1971 · Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 114

I'm sorry...((hugs)) I do not have credit cards...ever again...never again...why??? cuz I was in the same boat you are in right now...they destroyed my credit...and thats ok...because it was kind of a way to stop it too...I paid through the nose for their charges...always had some good reason to use my money...and somehow I ended up paying for their stuff...(mother and sister) So now I have none...and life is a bit better that way...its cash all the way baby...lol

You shouldn't be paying for them...you know this in your heart...I know how hard it can be to say no...if I were in your shoes?? I would cut up the cards...seriously...tell them you can no longer get credit cards...and don't have them...cuz if you don't you'll eventually end up like I was...robbing peter to pay paul and they are not even your bills!! They destroy and don't care....I'm sorry you are in this boat...I really am...=(

(((hugs)))

Amy
_________________
Alice:“What if I take the red AND blue pill? I'll be normal sized? Rabbit:“But then you can’t play the game Alice.”

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

Egads, it still amazes me how people act. I can not believe youre mom thought you should not be upset....

justmee

sheenie2000 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 169 Location: North Carolina

been there done that also. drowned my self in credit card debt to support my mother when she owned close to half a million dollar home, had a luxury car, 401K, etc etc.

these ppl will suck you dry emotionally and financially. they will ruin you in both ways. that's their agenda. they only want to gain. they only want to increase their own money or NOT spend a money on anything. they will try to make you pay for their bills like a cell phone, car insurance, or wahtever they can suck from you. and they will raise hell if you dont submit and obey.

do not allow them to. stand up for yourself and say no! enough is enough. they are adults who can support themselves.

if they were nice family members who treat you well, it's a whole different situation. if they were poor or in a bind then of course you help them. but Ns arent usually poor, have the means to their own money and arent NICE!
_________________
"Happiness is not an accident. Nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design." - Jim Rohn

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Hi amybrand,
Thank you so much for reply. ((((Hugs))))))
Yeah, they do not use my cards anymore. I removed my mother's name off my card. That was the last one. Thank you dear.

Thank you justmee. Every time I talk to her she has to act as if I am doing something real wrong. But then again, we already know.

Thank you sheenie, I am going to stand strong so these people do not suck me dry emotionally or financially. You got some very good point.
If they were nice family it would be a different story. They want to use me, they want to be rude to me, then they want my support. I am not sure how that works in their minds. We learn. I hate to feel this way about my family but somehow I got here.

((((alll)))))))
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing