Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Something occurred to me this mornning.

When I was young, I had terribly crooked teeth, wide gap and bucked front teeth. My nm had custody of me at the time I first visited the orthodontist and was scheduled to have braces put on.

And guess what, she ended up getting braces instead!

I had to wait two more years, until in my father's custody, to get braces. She told people she didn't have the money to put braces on me, but although her teeth were in much, much better shape than mine, she still had the money to get braces for herself.

So there she was, a thirty-something woman running around dressed like a hillbilly prostitute ... sporting braces! Gracious, what a disaster of a person!

Anything to share?

Hi Senator,

"And guess what, she ended up getting braces instead! "

Wow! .....that sucks.....she must have realized that you would have received some attention with braces,,,and decided to get that attention for herself... That's lame but so typical of an N...

My NM scheduled my sister to get braces..NM paid 2 visits and dumped the rest of the 4 or 5k bill in my lap...so I ended up paying for it, not NM... Also, when I agreed to pay one or two bills for NM on my credit card, before I got suckered to pay the rest, NM charged my credit card on the next visit without my consent.....that really irked me....

I would do it again though for my sister but I'm pissed at NM for not behaving like a mother, ever... She is so cheap....NM never offered a dime back to me, and it's been this way for ever with me taking on most of the parenting role of my younger sister....but NM wants all the credit, ofcorse...and makes me out to be the one who should be doing MORE for my sister...( the never good enough B.S)

My PF paid for braces for me when I was a teenager...my dad was so slow paying off the orthodontist that the staff and ortho Dr. started to get an attitude ...my dad tried to chum up with the ortho Dr. ( they are both Vietnam Vets) I guess my father thought that gave him special privlages....once I got the braces off for years later and any time I see my PF, he asks me to smile big for him so I can show him how "beautiful" my teeth are while he praises himself for what a great father he is.... Although I am greatful for the braces I had to hear constantly how lucky I was and how amazing he is and had to smile and show him all my teeth on a regular basis.... I was in my mid 30's the last time he did this so it was a bit annoying to deal with....

Senator, I'm sorry about your experience.

The subject of braces is a real trigger for me, and another example of N neglect. To begin with, my teeth were basically fine. I had a slight overbite, and I guess my dentist was concerned that, because I had a small mouth, my adult teeth would be crowded when they all came in. So he suggested I see an orthodontist. Don't ask me where NM got this guy's name, but he was very elderly and old-fashioned (as was our dentist, so maybe that's the connection). He first recommended that I have a number of my teeth extracted, and then I got a full set of braces on my teeth. I was 11 at the time, 6th grade. Long story short, I had braces on my teeth for SIX YEARS, and not once during that time did NM intervene or question the orthodontist's treatment plan. I took a bus and went to my appts by myself, every couple of weeks. He tightened and loosened the various wires and rubber bands and my teeth ended up shifting around quite a bit. I know for a fact that, after the second year, my treatment was basically "paid in full" but I had to keep going anyway for some reason. The ortho was a total quack. It wasn't until I was preparing to graduate from high school that I finally INSISTED that the damn things be taken off my teeth. He took them off, and that was that. Complete neglect and indifference on the part of my parents during the whole 6-year-long ordeal.

/ Mixed emotions when I read your post. Laughing - because it is just SO TYPICAL of these people and then feeling really angry at the trail of wreckage these monsters leave all around them.

Thankfully you got the braces you needed in the end, but no thanks to that woman. (actually I could think of a more appropriate word to use, but I see that "rude words", would be frowned upon here.

I remember having braces as well, the money for them wasn't coming out of her pocket but she sure resented me requiring them. (notwithstanding that she had had them as a child).

Anyway I was always pissing her off and one day she was particularly angry with me, so she crept into my room at night and hit me right on my mouth - mashing my mouth into the braces.

"That will teach you" - was her usual retort.

I lucked out. My mother and father didn't want to pay for braces. Thankfully with a jaw alignment whatever-its-called, my teeth straightened on their own. The orthodontist was pretty decent, but it was funny how my father heralded him as a saint after it was done. I had some experimental mouthpiece thing that was supposed to be a substitute for braces that I never used, and my teeth are still straight.

I wonder whether there will be common themes on this topic, as there are in 'Ns and clothing' ?

I had braces for a year when aged 8. NMom wrote to the school stating that I should not be allowed to do PT lessons, nor be allowed to go outside to play at recess or lunch. I had to sit and read in the classroom, on my own.

So she separated me from my friends, and I got no exercise.
Other children had braces and they played outdoors. Why on earth did the school listen to her ?

Holy moly friends! I am always touched by what you write, and hate that anyone has to endure these horrible people!

In thinking about my dental life as a child, for a good part of my teenage life with the nm, my best friend's father (who is a dentist) took care of my teeth. For free. I made my own appointments, he was kind enough to have me as patient. Luckily, I have had (despite being crooked and goofy, good teeth, having not a cavity until 35). My wisdom teeth came in early, and happily came through healthfully. nm had no time to help, drive me to the dentist, although I was doped up for the extraction. She has never missed a cleaning or appointment, but never had the time or money to take me to the dentist save ... after she and my father divorced.

But when she married my, I think, enabling stepfather, she made this huge fuss about my stepbrothers braces, all the while, as I REALLY needed them and she was too self consumed with her own braces. I think she had them taken off of my stepbrother prematurely, though I am not for certain about that.

Goodness these people are horrible. Hang strong, we are such better people than them!

I should have had braces or at least a retainer as a kid, not as a matter of urgency but as a cosmetic concern. NM didn't want to spend the money so I never had them, not that it bothers me much - I think slightly gappy top front teeth are kinda cute :P

However, I did really urgently need a labial frenectomy done on my lower lip which never happened. The tendon there is far too tightly adhered to my gums and inside of my lip. It's causing gum recession, occasional pain and is deforming the shape of my lower lip - it always has done. NM didn't want to pay for that procedure either because she thought it was bullshit and couldn't afford it. A $300 quick snip and suture and my teeth and gums would be fine right now, but instead I now have to fork out up to $600 for the surgery and possibly more for a gum graft if my dentist thinks it's needed...

Funny thing is, the year my dentist told NM I needed the procedure she went and spent nearly $2k on modelling courses for my sister. How she could justify that much for a pointless course and not $300 for vital dental care is beyond me...

My NM had braces put on me when I was in high school because I had a really bad overbite. She made it out to be a shameful thing, like, I'm putting these braces on you because I'm tired of your hideous teeth embarrassing me, how dare you need these, etc.

I feel kind of lucky reading this thread, especially considering I started the "clothing" thread.

At the moment I don't recall dental or orthodonic work being much of an N issue. I went regularly and had a fairly normal experience with braces. Very strange now that I think about it, considering there seem to be typical N problems in most other areas of my childhood. NM did make a big deal out of how much it cost, but she did that with everything.

My teeth were so horrible that braces were not in any way optional though. We lived in a small town, so there probably would have been too much talk had my teeth been left alone (my front teeth were all badly out of alignment and several were turned practically sideways). I suppose they were so bad that they would have been too much of an embarrassment to the family. I do consider myself strangely lucky on this topic though.

One thing that does come to mind is NM playing the martyr and to this day often recounting dental appointments early in her married life where she had to forgo any sort of numbing medication during a procedure to save money- as if EF were some kind of cruel monster. (she also recounts the same story in regard to childbirth- to save money she could not have an epidural) As a result of the dental thing, I remember having my first cavity filled at age 14 without benefit of novacaine. At the time I thought it was my choice and the right choice, but now I sort of feel like NM coerced me in that direction.

Good gravy, festinalente, 6 years of braces for a slight overbite?! Now that really bites. It's one thing for neglecting, disintested parents to let that go on for 6 years but for professionals? What a bunch of quacks! I'm so sorry to hear you end up wearing those awful mouth jewery for 6 unnecessary years. No wonder teenagers think adults are bunch of know-nothing idiots. As children of narcissists, we know first hand that adults with the emotional maturity of 6 years old are bunch of know-nothings, smart yes at times, but morons all the same.

My older sister wanted braces when she was a teenager but Mom convinced her that she only wanted them because her classmates have them. To this day I have no idea if she really needed the braces. When I hit my 30s my mom suddenly became obsessed with my teeth and said I should get braces, which was true since I have overcrowding issue. But I put it off for years because I was leary about her offer to pay half of the cost as well as the ortho insisiting he needs to extract 4 healthy teeth.

3 years later I moved to another city (pretty much abandoning my mom) and found a great new ortho who did not believe in teeth extraction, in fact he was upset I had a wisdom tooth removed instead of refilling an especially large cavity (I still have my remaining 3 wisdom teeth); he's sort of like the equivilant of an anti-abortion doctor.

My 2 front teeth were knocked out in 4th grade by a kid in gym class. We were running playing tag, and this kid from behind pushed me and I fell, and my two front teeth snapped and I saw them go flying out spinning on the floor. One girl came to help me up, cuz I was crying really bad.

I remember having to go to the dentist that day. Not a fun day at all, and the next day I stayed home as well.

I had two silver teeth for 4 years until the very last day of 8th grade. It was like my "present" for my 8th grade graduation party and dance at the school that Saturday, so I had to go to the dentist that morning and my 8th grade party was that night, and I remember my teeth being so sore, and not having much fun. Having to dress up nice, but I was embarrased because I did not want to smile, all the kids were looking at me, wanting to look at my new teeth. I was confused cuz lots of these same kids were calling me ugly for so many years. I was not used to my white teeth yet. I cried cuz I thought I looked ugly. I wonder why would they make me go to dentist the day of my big school party dance? Painful. Kinda like getting a root canal the morning of your wedding rehearsal dinner. Fun.

Over the years, I would tell my parents that kids were picking on me, for whatever reason, but I didnt put it together that maybe part of it was my silver teeth. But always, they would say, oh just ignore it. I would have nightmares of kids on the bus, cuz kids were hitting and pulling my hair, one kid even took a book and smacked it over my head. I would not say anything to my parents cuz I figured they wouldnt do anything about it anyway, my NM would just smile and again say, oh just ignore it so I gave up telling them anything and suffered anguish - it was a tragic part of my childhood.

Also, I had no self esteem from being raised as a doormat at home, so I was an easy target for bullies. I understand the pain of children nowadays who go to school and commit violent acts because of torture from bullies. However, I did not lash out, I just got more and more depressed, Then in high school , instantly no bullying (probably because I had white front teeth) but a few years later when I started to date, a lot of guys thought I was pretty, I was very tall, slender and people used to ask if I was a model. I wanted to be a model in grade school to "get back at" the kids who bullied me. Because some adults told me I was pretty.

Years later, I had told my Nmom I wished that they had gotten me white teeth because I was made fun of, and of course she got pissed at me.

I was bullied for most of those 4 years, picked on, called ugly , lots of cruel things that effected me for many years.

I just wonder why they couldnt get me white teeth. We definitely were not poor. She could afford to buy an AKC champion blood line puppy for my dad as a birthday gift, they had 2 snowmobiles, 2 cars, etc etc, but why no white teeth? They are more expensive than silver I know, but I tell you what, if that happened to my child, I would do white teeth, even if I had to open a new credit card and go into debt.

Geez...why do narcs. have to be such dumbasses about everything. My parents waited until my senior year to finally get my braces put on. It's not that money was an issue and they had to wait until they had enough...they were just putting it off because it simply didn't matter and they were lazy. So, my senior class picture, there I am in braces. It was socially embarrassing to have them at that point...which is probably why they did it.