Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Please bare with me, this may be a bit long, but I need to tell my story to someone, or my heart will explode. I am glad I found this forum! You can't believe it until it happens to you. I fell in love with a guy, knowing from the 1st date that something was odd. I kept it casual at the beginning, trying to understand who he really was. He said he is in love with me, that he wants to be with me forever. He took me places, paid for expensive dinners and hotels. Still I felt I could not trust him 100% and kept asking questions to find the truth about him. But instead of getting clear answers, I got more and more entangled with his stories, things looked okay one day, and then didn't make sense the next day. I broke up with him several times, but got back every time because something that I can't describe attracted me to him like a magnet. And he was always ready to take me back. 9 months ago he apparently had enough of my questioning him and one day he disappeared. He immediately put a new ad on the online dating service (where we met), and since that day we kept out of touch. I went through a tough time during these months, but somehow managed to get back to normal life. A month ago he resurfaced in a sneaky way and I got trapped. After being lonely for 8 months and unable to look at any other man, I accepted his invitation to have dinner together, and the relationship started again. This time though he is more detached. He's been playing with me, one day he sees me and we have a great time, then he doesn't contact me for one week, he doesn't answer his phone and doesn't reply to emails. I felt so disrespected and finally sent him a message telling him all my disappointments. Instead of addressing what I said, he didn't reply and after a few days he sent me flowers for my birthday, saying that he "loves me always and forever". I brought the flowers back to his door with a bad message and left.
This would all be all ok if I could put my heart to rest and forget about him. But instead I am obsessing about him, I can't work or concentrate on anything, my mind is constantly having thoughts about him and what he put me through, I can't eat, I wake up in the middle of the night and can't stop thinking. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. It's almost like my mind and body have been taken by something and I can't get them back. I am a total mess. And I know that I would be back to normal in blink of an eye if he called me now and said "I am sorry, I do love you, let's work it out", but that's such an illusion!

Can someone relate to this? Please, if you have been through this torture and have some advice, I am here to listen and I would thank you immensely.
God bless you all.

Relate to obsessive thoughts, absolutely.

The key is to wait it out. You cognitively know this relationship isn't right for you - you know he's potentially disordered. This is where NC is so important. Refuse flowers, do not read emails, block all forms of contact - and believe me, the obsessive thoughts will die down. It may take time, but they will.

When you find yourself obsessing about him - turn it around - obsess on YOU - obsess on what got you into this situation, what you were looking to fill, what work you need to do on yourself, the person you want to be or become - or loving who you are now (both is good).

You are going to be okay. Obsessing goes away - I promise.

Thank you Knoxy. You got the right diagnosis: obsessed, that's what I am. I will follow your advices and do some self search. Your words are reassuring. But I wish I could take it all out of my mind right now...

I know.

It's really hard.

Look in the resources section here - it's helpful. I think there's even an article on obsessive thinking.

I would schedule my obsessive thoughts in the beginning. That way I could get my work or whatever done. I'd tell myself I need to work, clean, go out, whatever... and allow myself obsessive thoughts for a half hour. I'd write EVERYTHING out. The good, the bad and the ugly. It helped immensely, maybe that will help you too.

As long as the thoughts don't turn to action - no contact is so important. Just work on you - get it out on paper - write letters you will never send - even letters to yourself. Get it all out.

I promise. It WILL get better.

I'm just adding a big amen to the things everyone said here. The longer you have strictly enforced no contact here, the better you will feel. Hang in there, and at some point, you will be back from the situation long enough to get a good view, as you may not have been able to before. Then you will not want to have anything to do with him, and that's a step in the right direction for you. I'm sorry you have to suffer through this. That's what P's do-keep their victims confused and on the hook like a cat playing with a mouse. He will likely keep this up as long as you let him. Take care.

Today was another torture day (the thoughts in my head). I almost went to his place to ask for a clarification of his behavior. I just want to KNOW THE TRUTH. I thought since he doesn't answer the phone, I would go there and wait until he gets in the house and then ask to talk and explain, with no anger and no yells. But then I feared that if he rejects me again (which I am sure would happen) I would feel 1000 times worse, so after I got all ready, I didn't do it. You are so right Aquarius123, he is playing with me like a cat with its mouse, watching me suffering and enjoying the power and control that he has over me. But then he may not even do that, he is probably totally indifferent to me. When he hears my cry he just puts plugs into his ears and goes for his business. He probably has a better victim now, someone he is really investing into, and she is the focus of his attention now, like I was for the last two years, and now I am just a piece of nothing to throw to the trash. I feel so betrayed and so hurt, I feel like totally stupid and ashamed for having believed him. I am a very kind person, but now with him, I feel like taking a big revenge. I was fantasizing going there and finding him with this new woman, and then telling her the truth about him, and what kind of animal he is. I want others to know who he really is, unfortunately he has no family and in two years I've known him I never met a friend of his. I don't think he has any. so there is nobody to talk to. I am sorry, I probably don't make any sense, I am just dumping some of my obsessions here, I am so exhausted, I wish my head could stop spinning around on empty. I am going to take a valium, so I can sleep for a few hours. Thank you for being there.

You will never know the truth.

You will never get closure.

You will never get anything out of him but more drama, confusion and hurt. Oh, and perhaps another "hit" like a heroin addict gets a hit in the veins.

You are addicted. The only way to cure addiction is to stop.

100% stop.

You contacting him is continuing the drama, continuing the pain, and giving him everything he wants. Supply.

Keep your dignity. Keep your head held high. Make a list of 50 things you can do instead of contacting him. Write a letter you will never send to get some of this poison out of your mind. Work out - scream - cry - do whatever you want. But DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

DO NOT.

This is a phase in your life. It passes. It will get better. Trust us.

Knoxy, this is soooo hard to do. Please don't get mad when you read on, I am just getting out what I have inside, you don't have to respond. I know what I have to do.
I read your words yesterday and I felt a bit stronger, thought that maybe I can suffer now and with time it will slowly get better. Then around noon I got a call from him: he "just got" my voice message (from 3 days before) and he is "so sorry" that he made me feel bad, and why "was I crying?" He "doesn't want to hurt me". He said that he tried to love me in the past, but he "failed in making me happy", what he gave me "was not good for me" and I never really accepted him, so he gave up on trying. I kept my calm and explained to him the reasons of my disappointment, that he cannot send me flowers and write that he "loves me always and forever", and at the same time ignore my calls and not communicate with me for days. He said he "understands". we left it there with no resolution. Obviously my mind got all back into him and I couldn't help it calling him in the evening. He answered. I told him that in case it's still not clear to him, I do love him and I do want to be with him. Then I demanded that he tells me clearly if he wants to still see me, because I don't like chasing people who have no interest. I asked the same thing in 10 different ways and eventually I got a "yes" (I still want to see you) . From the conversation, anybody would understand that he has no interest in me, but I could not accept that thought. By the way, he also said that what he wants is a wife, not just a girlfriend, he wants someone to be with all the time and be committed to. (Once in the past he wanted to marry me, he actually wanted that very soon in the relationship and I always held back because of my doubts that he is not genuine. I also don't see any need to marry at our age - 50++). So I started spilling out my heart to him, told him that I want to be with him every day and every night, that I will even marry him. And he kept repeating "no, I cannot make you happy". It was a real torture. I've never ever been through this with anybody. Eventually we got into a romantic talk and he offered to come over for the night (it was already 11pm). So we spent the night together. He left early in the morning, haven't heard from him since. I know that it didn't change anything for him. For me it was a shot in my veins, as you say. Now I am even more addicted. I need to work and it's so hard to focus. Thanks for listening.

I'm not mad.

I don't know you. I have no investment in your recovery other than compassion for what you are going through and having been there - thus trying to help.

This is your life, not mine. I obviously hope the best for you - but my hope isn't going to do it. You have to want the best for you.

I just ask you this. What is it that is lacking in your love for yourself that makes you beg this man to show you a crumb of affection? I know that hurts - but that's the question I have.

You have choices here. You have chosen to keep this going. So you can choose to keep it going - take these crumbs - hear that he can't make you happy and continue to hit your head against the wall attempting to change him and exhaust yourself in the process - only to get the same results again and again...

Or...

You can choose to love yourself and get the hell out. You can dig deep and do the work it takes to help your self worth so you are strong alone or with another man. So you can recover. You can have your dignity, hold your head high, look life straight in the eye and say, "know what? I'm better than this. others have gotten out and I will too. I WILL GET OUT NOW."

Choice is yours. I have no investment in the outcome. But I will tell you, this is a place for people who want out. And we aren't going to enable you and say it's okay. We have VERY strong boundaries around the fact that this is a survivor site - not an ongoing participating in the drama site. You deserve better than this and I find it so sad that you are doing this to yourself. We can help you leave, but you have to do the work.

So here's the deal. Are you done? What are you looking for here?

BTW - see what I mean by more drama and confusion with contact? Yep - you got it.

free11 wrote:I read your words yesterday and I felt a bit stronger, thought that maybe I can suffer now and with time it will slowly get better. Then around noon I got a call from him: he "just got" my voice message (from 3 days before) and he is "so sorry" that he made me feel bad, and why "was I crying?" He "doesn't want to hurt me". He said that he tried to love me in the past, but he "failed in making me happy", what he gave me "was not good for me" and I never really accepted him, so he gave up on trying. I kept my calm and explained to him the reasons of my disappointment, that he cannot send me flowers and write that he "loves me always and forever", and at the same time ignore my calls and not communicate with me for days. He said he "understands". we left it there with no resolution. Obviously my mind got all back into him and I couldn't help it calling him in the evening. He answered. I told him that in case it's still not clear to him, I do love him and I do want to be with him.

Hun, with all due respect from someone who's been there, done that - be prepared b/c this is gonna be hard to hear, but necessary:

you're in love with your idea of him, not 'him' specifically. You stated already that you knew something was odd from date one - yet you ignored that red flag and kept seeing him AND your internal alarm was right - things did not get better; rather, they got worse FOR YOU (feeling 'obsessed' about anyone/anything is not healthy, no matter how romantic the notion). You want him to 'fit' your ideal... but he does not; he's telling you he will not... yet you keep trying to *make* him 'fit'.

You *know* this relationship is not healthy for you, or else you would not be here. If it were healthy, you would not feel so tortured by it = that is your internal alarm system telling you to walk away and don't look back.

We, here on this forum, cannot make him 'fit' what you want either. We can tell you from experience what will help you to get the focus back where it belongs - on you... but thus far, you're not wanting any of that. If you did, you would at least make an honest effort and *try* no contact (which means not answering his calls, deleting texts before reading them, not seeking out info about him, etc...). NC is strongly advocated here in response to unhealthy relationships b/c IT WORKS - it helps you see things more clearly and rationally.

If you feel unable to control your own behavior, I would strongly suggest counseling - especially if you feel you may act out your revenge fantasies... b/c chasing him down, stalking him, demanding he answer you in a way you find acceptable and/or acting out revenge fantasies are ONLY GOING TO DETERIORATE YOUR SELF ESTEEM FURTHER. It WILL NOT help you, not one bit. That, I can tell you, with 100% certainty.

This forum is not a substitute for counseling, rather an adjunct or supplement ... to support your making healthy decisions; to reinforce healthy behavior... not to advise or enable you to continue 'playing the game'.

This IS hard - no one here will dispute or minimize that - but you have to put forth effort. Recovery isn't just gonna 'happen' - you've gotta put forth effort and do the work. To do that, you have to realize, accept and truly believe that you deserve someone who really loves you and treats you with respect... and you DO deserve that. Why are you willing to accept this behavior??? THAT is what you need to find out. Seeking the answer to that question is what will put you on the road to recovery - not seeking answers from him.

with love,

loux

Loux, Knoxy,

you have no idea how much you are helping me in this struggle. I've been going to therapy for a long time now. My therapist is good, but I know that she's never experienced any of these. And I believe that if you haven't gone through the experience, you can't really understand how debilitating it can be. It is an addiction. I used to smoke for years and then exactly one year ago I made the final decision to quit. I had tried a few times before, but always went back to it after a month or two. But this time I finally said enough is enough. Today I am celebrating one year of freedom from cigarettes. Same thing, what I have with him is an addiction more than anything else. And the only way to get out is to stop completely, meaning 100% No Contact, as you say. If I have cravings, I will distract myself, but never get a "fix". One night together is like one cigarette, one is enough to get back into the misery of addiction. And yes it's true that my self esteem is at a record low these days (not that it has ever been very high). I need to work on getting my head up and giving myself a bit more credit and respect. Right now I feel like a doormat that he is stepping on and I contributed to being treated this way.

If possible, I would like to hear both of your stories, what happened to you and how you eventually succeeded to get out and step up. I guess that would give me a model to follow. In the meantime, I am going to print out your last posts and stick them on the mirror, for me to read them again and again, especially when I am in crisis. Thanks so much!

It's easy to click on a username and review our first posts. Click the username and choose "Search User's Posts." Start at the last page (not page 1) and go from there.

Hope that helps.

There is only one model to follow. The model of no contact. Cutting him off from your life 100% - blocking his emails, calls, facebook - all of it.

No contact is the only choice. Then heads down recovery. There is no secret - there are no formulas. It's hard work, but it works if you work it.

This is long...
I've been on a roller coaster of feelings and actions these past few days. It's taking me like a drug, more and more. I stay away for a day or two, and then I go back to it stronger than before. Yesterday he played the victim with me. He called me crying (literally) because he is overwhelmed by work. In the middle of the day on Friday he felt he couldn't take it any more and left the office for awhile. He begged to come over and "cry on my shoulder". Then, he said, he would go back to work in the evening. I was busy, but I would have said "yes". However I knew that after being "comforted", he would disappear for the rest of the day and weekend. He in fact confirmed that he would have to work all weekend long. I told him that I am tired to feel like a mistress to him, only seeing him briefly during the week and then not hearing from him for the whole weekend. He tried to turn things around, saying that I am not ready to give him support when he needs it. I told him that I don't have my needs supported either by him and I will not accept a relationship with him when I cannot see him any time in the weekend. All he had to say was "ok, I am sorry, never mind". After the talk I felt good that I stood up for myself, but as the hours passed, my obsession came back stronger and i had to call him and ask him "how are you doing, can we talk and clarify the misunderstanding". Of course he didn't call. Then I sent him a text saying I was sorry of how things ended up in our previous talk and I wanted to be there for him. I asked him to be together even for a short time before his work (it was still 3pm). I added that I love him and miss him very much. That was indeed how I felt. Only at 8 pm I get a text from him saying (quote): "how can you love me when I always seem to do something that disappoints you. Then you reject me. I always do things that hurt you. I dont want that. I dont know how to love you without upsetting you. I've tried my best. I am overwhelmed with sadness". I texted him back acknowledging that I wrongly have been judging him, and that "I would love to be with him to clear out his sadness". I knew that I was lying when apologizing, that I was being a real DOORMAT for him. But my fear of loosing him was stronger than my self respect.
Of course I never heard back. This happened yesterday. Today I am filled with a big VOID. I don't have him and I lost all my self respect. If anything, he must think that I am really PATHETIC, and that is SO TRUE.

I start believing that I am not able to get out and maybe deep down I want to stay in this miserable condition. Where can I find the strength to step out? I know that I am constantly trying to understand the truth and motives behind his actions and also explain to him my side of things, my feelings. I guess there is still a tiny hope for things to clear up and to get resolved between us. I want to find out that he is a good man. And if not, I want some proof that my doubts about him are backed by obvious bad stuff. For 2 and 1/2 years I haven't been able to do either.
I think that the problem is being unable to understand what happens, to make sense of his actions. I believe that this is a basic need for a person: to make sense of things. It's hard to say: this doesn't make sense, I'll better forget about it.
Knoxy, I read parts of your story and struggles. When you made your decision to stay away from him for good, didn't you know at that point the true facts about him? That he cheated, lied, etc. It was extremely sad and traumatic, but you KNEW at that point what the truth about him was. That is what I am looking for: a proof of good or bad. It's something that I need for my peace of mind.
I thought of hiring a private detective, because the moment I know what's behind his disappearances, I can make a final informed decision and put things behind me.

Does it make any sense?

Thanks for listening.

Yes.

I learned that he cheated. I didn't know he was an N at that point. The moment I learned he cheated, I changed the locks and kicked him out. Immediately. No ifs, ands or buts.

I did not realize he was an N. I didn't even know what an N was. Had I had the resources of this board, I can honestly say I would have been able to make the decision MUCH earlier. I can say this with every fiber in my being. I had no idea what an N was outside of someone who is "full of themselves" and my exN showed no "usual" signs of N behavior. In retrospect, after learning about the red flags - there were many there. I wish SO BADLY that I had the resources you have on this site. I did not. I learned several days (maybe two weeks or longer) that he was a covert Narcissist - potentially Psychopath.

You have something I never had. The information. You have everything you need - including multiple individuals here on this board who are telling you the truth. Your problem isn't him - it's that your wishbone is bigger than your backbone. You stated in your earlier post that you are still stuck in "wishing."

It is indeed hard. I had my exN crying, calling, telling me I was the love of his life and that he wanted to marry me and for everything to be "perfect." He claimed he had just screwed up out of insecurity and depression and wasn't feeling "good enough." He threatened suicide. I've seen it all. All of this pulling and manipulating and crying was before I learned he was an N - at that point it was just an affair. And I still kicked him to the curb. It was horrible and hard and I cried every damn day. But I did it. Because I knew that I deserved better.

I had to keep my dignity. Because I knew without my dignity, I was giving the green light to such treatment. And I love myself more than that.

There are more points of "proof" than just cheating to break up. One of which includes abandonment and abuse. You have both. You can justify them until the cows come home. But you know what this is - you wouldn't be on this site if you didn't. YOU KNOW.

I hope at some point you will love yourself enough to stop the drama - stop the engaging - feel the pain and decide that you are worth more than all of this. I really hope so... There is one surefire way to gain your self respect back. By loving yourself enough to go NC with this guy and choose YOU. It's indeed a choice.

I know you're going through an awful time. But it's a total waste of time to try to figure out people like him. It just won't happen. He does not think like a normal person. He's playing games to get what he wants and that's all it is. NC is the way. Good luck to you.

Thank you. After being humiliated (that's how I felt) for the n time, I wrote my last (pretty bad) text message to him yesterday morning and "shut the door". I guess that text would have offended a normal person, but I trust that it didn't even touch him. I feel better after writing it and promised myself to not contact him ever again.
This morning I woke up at 4am and my mind was going in circles, repeating again and again what have been said between us. Still trying to make sense of his words and behavior. I plan on controlling my actions (no contact), but I can't control my mind. I still have pain up in my stomach, especially when I think of him, but pretty much all the time. I am better than 2 weeks ago and I can get some focus on my work (I have to), but when my mind is free, the thought goes back into that and it hurts. I dont like to be a victim, yet I feel so humiliated, treated less than a human being, betrayed. Even if I have no proof of anything going on with him. Just the fact that all his once professed "love" for me vanished, actually it was never there. The fact that he managed to turn things around so I am the "bad" one who does not accept him (only) when he needs me. I feel like I want justice, I want someone to tell him that he is hurting people and he cannot pretend he is not. But there's nobody to talk to, I don't know any friend of his, any family member, any co-worker. I feel like going into his office one day and tell everybody who they are dealing with. But then there are the romantic feelings for him, still there. What to do with them? The shock, the realization of the truth. Like someone dies and you can't believe it, you don't want to believe it because you love them and they can't be around anymore. On top of all this I have a lot of shame. Family and friends don't quite understand that its tough to let go, doesnt matter if he is a bad person. So I feel also ashamed to be in this state, to mourn something that "should" be out of my head already. It's like at my age you are not supposed to act like a teenager and obsess about men. You should know better, make better choices, be strong.
Right now, it feels like I am never going to be over this mess, but I want to believe you, because you all made it through. Your support is invaluable. Thanks again!

free11 wrote:Thank you. After being humiliated (that's how I felt) for the n time, I wrote my last (pretty bad) text message to him yesterday morning and "shut the door".

You'll not get that door closed as long as you are engaged with him -- and sending messages is engagement. You control whether or not you engage with him, so stop doing it. Do not contact him, and do not accept his contact. By not accepting his contact, I don't mean pick up the telephone and tell him to go away, or replying to his email telling him to stop contacting you. I mean flatly rejecting it. Don't answer the phone, and don't listen to his voicemail message. Don't read his email, just delete it unread. Shut down the communication!

You see, right now you are vulnerable to that guy, as vulnerable to him as a rabbit in a trap is vulnerable to a coyote. The rabbit's agonized screams attract the coyote and enhance his hunger. The rabbit's pleadings for mercy don't touch the coyote's heart -- they make him salivate in anticipation of a tasty meal. (And in reality, coyote hunters often use calls that simulate the screams of a trapped rabbit.) To turn the analogy around full circle, your text message proves to the object of your affection that he can do with you as he will because you're still emotionally ensnared. He's looking forward to thrashing you some more, and your continued contact is making him hungrier for that satisfaction. Right now he's feeling very full of himself, very powerful, quite well satisfied by the knowledge that you are obsessing over him. You're giving him exactly what he wants.

Your will is your only defense. Shut down the communication. ALL OF IT.

free11 wrote:I feel like I want justice, I want someone to tell him that he is hurting people and he cannot pretend he is not. But there's nobody to talk to, I don't know any friend of his, any family member, any co-worker.

He knows he's hurting people. He believes that those he hurts deserve to be hurt by him -- and you'll never convince him otherwise. In his mind it is his birthright to hurt people and no one has the right to be offended by it.

free11 wrote:I feel like going into his office one day and tell everybody who they are dealing with.

Please don't. No good can come of it.

free11 wrote:But then there are the romantic feelings for him, still there. What to do with them?

First, recognize that it is not him that you love. You were infatuated by his facade, which is what he intended when he showed it to you. It is not real. It is not him. Your affection is for a fantasy that arose from his disordered mind. The man who exists is the one who is toying with your affections, lifting you up only because it's such great fun to watch you crash back down again. The more of you he can destroy, the more satisfied he will be.

free11 wrote:The shock, the realization of the truth. Like someone dies and you can't believe it, you don't want to believe it because you love them and they can't be around anymore.

Except in this case, it's the end of a fiction movie. No one died. The movie ended, and the star of the movie who is revered for his screen presence went home to his real life in which he's a horrid man who abuses everyone with whom he comes into contact.

Please, shut down the communication immediately and permanently, and force yourself to focus on improving your life rather than the fantasy that threatens to destroy the quality of your life.

Take care, and be well.

Thank you for you great post, QuiteGoodEnough! It came at the right time. The analogy with the rabbit/coyote interaction is amazing. Things have changed though now: I think that the coyote who attacked me is now totally indifferent and he welcomed the last scream of the rabbit, because he wasn't interested in that rabbit anymore and the rabbit did him a favor by rejecting him. Maybe that is what hurt me the most. The fact that this time around (since we got back together this last time) he was different, he was not interested in me as before, he just wanted to play with me when his new #1 woman was not available (this is my theory). This new attitude of his is what hurt me so much, the fact that for the first time he was so indifferent to me.
So far, I have been successful at not contacting him since the last message yelled at him on Nov 23. I've been able to keep my sadness and feelings at bay. I've been busy with work and that is good. But as you say, inside I am still engaged with him. It's been a few days that I feel very lonely and he is back on my mind, with more good thoughts than bad ones. I started thinking of a plan to get back in touch with him without making a fool of myself. I catch myself going back and forth with these thoughts. I know it is a NO NO and if I do it, I will regret it. If he turns his back to me after I contact him again, that would be devastating and I will be in a much worse place emotionally than the one I am now. That is why your post came such at a good time.
Today my heart aches. I know I am aching about an illusion, someone who does not exist, but it still hurts. I need all the strength I can get to stop myself from doing something stupid.

Thank yo so much!

free11 wrote:Thank you for you great post, QuiteGoodEnough! It came at the right time. The analogy with the rabbit/coyote interaction is amazing.

You're welcome!

free11 wrote:The fact that this time around (since we got back together this last time) he was different, he was not interested in me as before, he just wanted to play with me when his new #1 woman was not available (this is my theory).

That would be par for the course, so your theory is quite likely right on. He is compelled to cause harm, so if she's not available but you are, it's your turn again.

free11 wrote:I know it is a NO NO and if I do it, I will regret it. If he turns his back to me after I contact him again, that would be devastating and I will be in a much worse place emotionally than the one I am now.

It'd be even worse if he didn't reject you! Right now you're Plan B, and you really don't want to be there when his new Plan A fails. You've already experienced being a temporary fix, so you probably don't even want to imagine being in that position while he's between fresh victims, when you're worth even less to him but his needs are focused upon you.

free11 wrote:Today my heart aches. I know I am aching about an illusion, someone who does not exist, but it still hurts. I need all the strength I can get to stop myself from doing something stupid.

I am confident that you are strong enough. You're self-aware enough to know what's happening and that the hurt will heal in time, and experienced enough to know that reopening the wound will just prolong the hurt and delay healing. That's really all you need, but like most humans you might sometimes need to be reminded. If you find yourself needing a reminder, it's much better to get it here than from your psycho!

There's a reason for the popularity of those bumper stickers that read "Mean People Suck".

Be well, free11, and stay strong. This is a temporary problem.

Thanks again! I am better today :-)

free11 wrote:Thanks again! I am better today :-)

Excellent!

Ups and downs are normal, so just focus on taking care of yourself and trust that the day is coming when the last down will be behind you.

Enjoy this day because you deserve it, and the more of them you create for yourself the more of them you'll have.

Take care and be well!