Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Anyon else know for sure, or suspect that their P was a fireraiser, either in person or by proxies ?

I'm going back over circumstances surrounding the various big setpiece dramas that XP so carefully engineered, and I am starting to wonder about one in particular, where the timing is too much like coincidence. He liked fire.

Mine didn't appear to hold any fascination with fire. He did mention he was involved in an arson years ago, but he was always saying crazy stuff like that.

I had a brother growing up who was psychopathic. He was addicted to starting huge fires. Thankfully nobody ever got hurt.

Hey Axle, you may already be aware of this -- my apologies if you are -- but firesetting is one third of the MacDonald Triad, that set of behaviors that is often found as a precursor to adult psychopathy. (The other two are persistent bedwetting and cruelty to animals.) It's never a good sign. I found out about it by chance after going NC with a guy that turned out to be fully N (probably S/P) and was fascinated by fire. He'd set fire to his parents' garage in his teens. I had a really uneasy feeling every time he talked about his fascination with fire, like there was more to it than mere fascination and it wasn't good to be that way... if only I'd known, eh?

Thanks, MercyMe, I'd read about that but temporarily forgotten.
No idea about XN/P's bedwetting, but always, always a fascination with fire. When he talked about fire or lit a fire, his eyes went all gleamy, and he wore a strange expression. There was a series of arson incidents in his neighborhood, which he talked about a lot. The last attack damaged part of his property - was this coincidence, as there were no more after that ? At the time, he used it to play the big pity card and to spoil what should have been an occasion for celebration. I wondered back then whether it had been an 'inside job', but did not suspect him. Now I do. At the very least there was a lot of admiration going on of whoever was setting the fires, and again, gloating at the damage caused.
XN/P killed small wild animals as a child and teen, though this may not be indicative of much other than a rural upbringing. But he then took them home to dissect, and left them in the refrigerator, which his mom didn't like much. He once admitted to wounding rather than killing when he shot, so after that I didn't hunt when he was around. And a number of other behaviors that bother me considerably in hindsight. I think him capable of violence and homicide, and I do not think he has mellowed with age. If anything, he seemed to be getting worse.

Mine did divulge once that while a teen, he had carefully planned to set a blaze. I don't know if that was truth or not, but regardless it's a red flag. He said he studied the house and planned just how do start the fire. He also told me he hates "stupid criminals" and "thugs who don't use their brains." (!!?)

Ps are flat-out scary; and I'm thinking that my N was actually a self-aware P.

axle wrote:...always, always a fascination with fire. When he talked about fire or lit a fire, his eyes went all gleamy, and he wore a strange expression.

Yeah! That's it, exactly! It was almost... pervy. A secret, intense sort of thing. I got very bad vibes from it but didn't know what they meant so I dismissed them. Silly me. :)

Well, your P has 2 of 3, and the third isn't necessarily something he'd admit to as an adult, so maybe the MacDonald triad is actually a perfect fit. I think it was for the guy I knew, as well -- he was mean to animals as an adult, so it's not a big stretch to think he'd been mean to them as a young man, and the bedwetting he'd never own to anyway.

Not that it mattered or undid anything he did, but knowing, just knowing, that there was "objective" evidence (like the MacDonald triad) that there was something really wrong with HIM, that everything wasn't really all my fault as he'd always pressured me and everyone else to believe, made a great difference in my recovery. Good on you for studying up!!!