Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Yes, in fact, this is one of the memories that allowed me to ultimately come to terms with "what" my ex P (or S-stalker) was. I was so inexperienced, that I thought he was just a really good listener. (In fact, he was... so good that he took note of every facet of my personality so that he could later pick it apart and throw it back in my face in order to stun and capture his prey).

Absolutely. The coldest, dead eyes Ive ever experienced. I think it was Dr Hare that wrote that we should never hold a psychopaths stare.

It used to scare the heck out of me, its like being a rabbit in the headlights. Not good.

tortured, glazed, angry, dead eyes, remember saying, its me cass, its meeeee.........its like he couldnt see me. x

It used to scare the heck out of me, its like being a rabbit in the headlights. Not good.[/quote]

YES. In fact, when he found me two weeks ago on Facebook, and I saw his creepy, cold, gaze in the picture next to his message... that's when I lost it and was thrown back into the whole nightmare again. It's like he had me in the headights again, and I was powerless. I am so greatful to have found this group!

I am so happy other people have noticed this trait. I wrote that their eyes are milky and dead, but the term "snake eyes" sums it up. Again,
like sharks, I like snakes. Now if the shark or snake was psychopathic, I would not care if it lived or died. Harsh, but true.

It's weird because I have had conversations with non-victims about people's eyes betraying their souls. Most folks just think I'm nuts. Another weird thing is that I have been able to see this in people ever since I can remember. I do not know if I experienced the wrath of a P as a young child, and learned from it, or if it is a "God" given "gift."

I am still amazed and astonished when foks are suprised at a P's actions. I think to myself, "but didn't you see their eyes?" Their eyes show no depth. It is like looking into nothing. And you expect something out of nothing? P's eyes do not scare me. What horrifies me, sends my body and mind into shut down mode, is the void behind the eyes.

I can connect better with a bug than a P. Are they genetically challenged? Maybe, probably according to recent research, but most of us have genetic traits that inhibit us in some way. P's choose their victims, they choose their actions. Even if they do not a conscience, they can learn from external experiences. Their desire to victimize is more than mere survival. They enjoy it.

I find it hard to believe that out of the millions of people born with P tendicies, that it is only the severly afflicted who can not stop themselves from afflicting harm on others.

Then again, I am a victim, and a bit lopsided in my opinion.

Thanks for listening and God bless.

I know exactly what you guys are referring to about the eyes of a psychopathic. My dad did that to me once after watching a movie (I believe it was the Matrix) in a restaurant..and I literally thought he was gonna kill me right there and then. After he saw me frightened..he changed his posed and said look at you..you got all scared and stuff..then he laughed it off. very crazy.

Hi
The penny dropped when I read this post - its the EYES - I couldnt work out what was wrong with them, they seemed shut-off, ill defined, blurred, shifty, definately not clean windows to the soul, it was like they needed polishing.

And he said to me that MY eyes SCARED him? I could never work that one out, - that is, until now - my eyes scared him because they are the complete opposite to his, they are clear, open and definately polished.
My eyes have always been complimented on in the past, his was the first negative comment I had ever had about them - now I know why, because he wanted me to shut down and become shifty-eyed like him, which I started to do when he was with me, as I did not want them to scare him - thats how badly I wanted him to love me.

Oh man, both my Psychobitch GMA and Psychobitch Aunt stare!

It is the creepiest thing ever, I can't even make eye contact with either of them for more than a second anymore. I don't care if its rude as long as I don't have pointed at me. It seriously makes them seem like they're not even there.

For the longest time before I knew about Ps or NPD, I had no idea what the hell they were staring at me for, but I knew I didn't like it.

I will be in the room with them watching TV or on the computer and I can see them just staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I KNOW they are staring at me, but for the life of me I will NEVER subject myself to their cold fish eyes anymore. Ugh.

My ex p had big all seeing eyes. they were different colours. one green the other blue. Cant say they ever frightend me, they were one of the things that first attracted me 2 him.

I'm a little dim witted and it takes me sometimes doing/seeing the same thing a couple of times before I catch on.

The first time I woke up to them snake eyes. He had been watching me sleep. And the look..... it was frightening. I totally blocked it out and didn't even remember it till I had been out a few years. It was THAT scary that I blocked it out in order to deal. I needed to accept my situation, make it as best I could for my boys and me and to open up my mind and let in what that stare meant would have had to result in action. So I covered it up in my head. Disassociation. I'm very good at it.

Second time I saw it was him coming by because I had an emergency situation with the doctor. And he only did it because his ex (her and I were in contact) told him to. And even though it was a medical emergency he seriously tried to make it a booty call!

But it was somewhere in that moment that I saw the snake eyes and the only thing I can say is- TERROR.

I don't know. Some people don't believe in this kind of stuff, and maybe we are just the unfortunate few who could see it. But I know those two times I can't explain it, I can't say it, but I did see it. I saw evil. And I got him the hell out of there minus booty call. So unfortunate for him.

Normal people seem to be straight behind the eyes and fairly close behind the pupils.

I think psychopaths have two looks. One where they disengage to an extreme "I don't give a flying hoot about you" and then they seem to be below the eyes. Another where they seem to be above the eyes and ready to prey. "I want you". A bit liek Gollum with the ring in LOTR. The latter gaze can attract, the former repells, I think.

All the people I met that looked like psychos, did things that cross others' boundaries. Even if the were not strictky criminal behaviours, they were off kilter. Like one guy at my work will scare old people about losing all their money to make them buy his products. He also asked a girl on a date and when she said no, he started touching her inappropriately and then telling everyone they were seeing eachother and she could not keep her hands off him. I immediately recognized him by eyes and posture, They also have different posture because they don't inhabit their bodies I think.

I had a first appointment with a female health care provider I had been recommended to earlier this year. Never met her before.
When she came out to 'collect' me, I took one look at her eyes VERY SNAKE LIKE and straight away, I picked up my bag and just walked out without a word. No way was I going into her 'lair'. (something in her voice and posture 'felt' wrong too)
Chilling eyes they were! Too obviously a P.

But I wish I could see that in all P's, sometimes I miss it. It's pretty obvious in those serial killer mug shots isn't it?

People post a lot of stuff about different N traits and appearances, I usually don't buy into physical similarites but this one stopped me in my tracks!

Windy said

Some people don't believe in this kind of stuff, and maybe we are just the unfortunate few who could see it.

Well add me to the list!

My XNH had big brown eyes that in a normal person could have been so alluring, but in him they were weapons of intimidation! His stare was cold and hard. It conveyed disdain, disgust, contempt and disinterest. We would be talking and when I turned to walk off to do something else I would often quickly turn back and find him staring at me in this hateful manner. I often asked him 'why are you looking at me like that?' and he would just tell me he wasn't looking at me in any kind of a way, or that I was paranoid or imagining things. But I saw it so many times in the years of our marriage. I still can't say for sure was he an N or a P, he seems to fit both moulds, but whatever his label he had a stare that gave me a chill right down to my soul.

I sometimes woke up at night to find him just laying awake staring at me, not the kind of gazing done by someone looking lovingly at their partner, but a sort of menacing stare. I've previously told how one night I woke up struggling to breath and how he was awake and pulling my face tight into his chest and I had to fight to free myself. This he all denied when I tried to ask him about it later that day. But that stare was so malicious, it screamed 'I want to harm you'!

I used to say to him jokingly 'you know the eyes are said to be the windows of the soul, where's your soul gone?' But of course as that youtube video song by the N said 'my soul is down a deep dark hole', and I reckon that's maybe why these disordered people have these evil snake eyes!

The timing of this is funny, only last night I was playing with my cat and I was looking lovingly at him and thinking about the difference in how I look at something or someone I feel love or affection for, there is a way we look at them, enveloping them in love with our eyes, bathing them with our care and concern. I NEVER expereinced that from my XNH, not once!

Yep, the eyes have it!!!!

I'm sure that my mother-in-law is psychopathic and I was attracted to this site because the strange staring eye syndrome was being discussed. I first met her in 1967 and she has always stared at me in a strange intimidating way. Her eyes are small, beady and dark brown and her staring has always made me cringe - it's really WEIRD!!! When I was young I asked her why she stared and she said "because I like looking at you". Over the years I've known nothing but passive aggressive and outright aggressive behaviour from her so I don't think she was saying a positive thing when she said that. Now my children are adults and they all comment on the staring thing that she does to them. They hate it too. It's as though she is trying to read people, to understand how to relate to them. She does not read with her heart as other people do. She has no empathy and no remorse, guilt or shame. She behaves in unbelievably cruel ways and lies all the time. To confront her on anything is to walk into the mire and muck with her because she twists your brain inside out with her lies and victimhood. She appears to feel nothing about anything and everyone else is left doing all the emoting over whatever has happened. I'm really interested in the eye thing because it does feel like being eyed by a predator. Do you think it's a trait that indicates psychopathy?

Robbie

I know of those snake eyes, My now x P had very,very evil eyes. And what was even worse. He knew he had them and he used them well. A long time ago, about a year after we were married, He was being so mean and hateful, I really wanted to kick him where it counted, but I looked in his eyes, that was the last time I thought about that. It was probably a good thing because I found out in later years, When he got hurt, he didn't hurt, He got pissed and attacked with a fury of vengeance, and most of the time it was immediate, like an animal. But to top it off, when he attacks, the rage is so intense that he will black out but his eyes turn from green to yellow. I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself. It happened when he attacked his father.

so yeah, I will never forget what evil eyes are. Never

Interestingly, my P x-BF and I had a discussion about our eyes one night. He told me how very much he liked looking into my eyes, that they were true blue and not dark and grey-blue like his were.

Below from Dr. V is chilling:

"But abusers do emit subtle, almost subliminal, signals in his body language even in a first or casual encounter. These are:

"Haughty" body language – The abuser adopts a physical posture which implies and exudes an air of superiority, seniority, hidden powers, mysteriousness, amused indifference, etc. Though the abuser usually maintains sustained and piercing eye contact, he often refrains from physical proximity (he maintains his personal territory)."

From the night I met Jon at a club, the above describes him. In fact, I was initially intrigued by him because he maintained eye contact unlike anyone I had ever met: sustained and piercing. His other body language clues included his penchant for wearing hoodies in such a way as to exude mysteriousness and his maintaining personal territory. For example, his kisses were very short and he would pull away.

My XNP actually uses the "eyes are the windows of the soul" bit to "connect" with others. He says things like his eyes prove how honest he is, etc.
He has some of the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. He loves his eyes! And if you don't notice, he will actually say something to draw your attention to them.
I know what you are all saying about the snake eyes, and I've seen them in others. I haven't seen them in him. He has told me when he "changes" his eyes do that, but even though I've seen him "change", I've never seen the eye thing. In fact, when he pulled that crap on me, I actually stared him down and told him I could still see some light in there. He never tried it again. He did tell me that all of his exes use to be terrorfied when his eyes got like that.
He typically is an eye-contact guy. I never complimented him on is eyes. And I made him uncomfortable having eye contact with me, so he usually didn't, unless he was trying to convince me of something. I found he was most truthful with me when he was looking away from me, or looking down at his feet.