Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

peace · by **peace** on Fri Jul 31, 2009 1:51 pm

Going NC with N sister also ends relationships with the rest of the family.

NC means not going to showers, weddings, parties etc.

Overtime this erodes other relationships, also because others have no idea or want to know what an N relationship is.

AND.....................

Is it also normal to forget how BAD the N in your life behaved. Your memory starts to play tricks, it wasn't that bad etc.
I know this is wrong thinking and dangerous, just wondering if others have experienced deminishing their vampire damage over time.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on anything that connects with you. peace

detach · by **detach** on Sat Aug 15, 2009 10:19 am

I've gone NC with my N sis and dad 4 months ago, but they live out of state and we have a very small family so not speaking to the other dead beats is not a problem for me, but I'm seeing a therapist and when I get weak and want to forget the abuse or think oh it wasn't that bad.....she reminds me that YES it WAS that BAD and not my imagination and not MY fault.

I find my mind plays tricks on me too and that's because I have been programmed from childhood that things are my fault- if I didn't cause it well then I should be able to fix it type of thinking. it's sounds like you need some reinforcement of your decision, I don't know how I couldv'e gotten this far w/ out my therapist she is awesome.

peace · by **peace** on Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:02 pm

I've gone NC with my N sis and dad 4 months ago, but they live out of state and we have a very small family so not speaking to the other dead beats is not a problem for me, but I'm seeing a therapist and when I get weak and want to forget the abuse or think oh it wasn't that bad.....she reminds me that YES it WAS that BAD and not my imagination and not MY fault.

I find my mind plays tricks on me too and that's because I have been programmed from childhood that things are my fault- if I didn't cause it well then I should be able to fix it type of thinking. it's sounds like you need some reinforcement of your decision, I don't know how I couldv'e gotten this far w/ out my therapist she is awesome.

Thank you Detach, this was very helpful. It's nice to know we are not alone and can get past the old patterns of thinking when they creep up.

Best to you. peace

KL · by KL on Tue Sep 15, 2009 3:36 am

Hey there Peace.
Only just read your post. Yeah, same here, sometimes my brain plays tricks when the NFOO are not stalking and threatening to kill me! Then it's really easy to see what they are (just like now)

But in the quiet NC moments, I sometimes I think maybe I can just call Nsis or Nbro and reason with them. Maybe they can be normal enough....you know the drill.
Because I MISS my niece etc sooooo badly. I love her. Plus other people I've had to NC. I agree with you, NC with one, usually means NC with all. Otherwise...messy.

In those quiet moments of my own wishful delusions, "maybe that person is normal enough to..... and..."
That's when I turn to the pages of stuff I have written down.
Pages and pages of ACTIONS and WORDS that have been done by them to me. Those pages, those words, slap me in the face and wake me up again.
Help me see the truth. Again. Sadly.

littlemissbanshee · by **littlemissbanshee** on Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:35 pm

I went NC with Nsis for 3 years then stupidly picked up the phone and called her earlier this year. Contact with her again lasted about 8 months and I realised I was stupid, stupid, stupid. She hadnt changed, she had actually gotten worse and it was the same things all over again. I somehow forgot how malicious she can be, the pain she could inflict and the hurt she caused me. Now I am making my own list and back into a month of NC. I lost my entire family except an aunt (and her family) due to NC but the peace is so worth it. Stay strong.

KikiGirl · by **KikiGirl** on Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:28 am

KL wrote:In those quiet moments of my own wishful delusions, "maybe that person is normal enough to..... and..."
That's when I turn to the pages of stuff I have written down.
Pages and pages of ACTIONS and WORDS that have been done by them to me. Those pages, those words, slap me in the face and wake me up again.
Help me see the truth. Again. Sadly.

Right on! Exactly! Writing down what has happened does help so much ... I've been writing down stuff that has happened just so I don't feel like I'm the crazy one. No one in the family yet has fully embraced the fact that my brother is NPD. So, I feel kind of cut off, too. It does hurt. It feels like you're the only one shouting that the emperor has no clothes and everyone else is just blind ... :-(

But NC is worth it. I've gone LC with my brother. It's hard because I wish everything were normal and it's not and no one gets it. But the freedom of not having to jump through hoops or be emotionally slain is so worth it.

Aquarius123 · by **Aquarius123** on Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:02 am

I agree that NC and LC is worth it. I understand and share your sadness of being cut off from people you like, because if you are around them, the N/P will be there to mess you over, and will likely take advantage of your love for others by using them to get to you, or using them as an excuse to hang around you when you don't want to be in the same room with them, even.

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