Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Did you change the way you look or dress after dealing with the N/P ?
At what point did that happen, eg before or after going NC ?
How long after ?

What changes did you make to your hair, wardrobe, etc ?

Or did you remain yourself or revert to your previous appearance ?

Did you find it difficult to decide what changes if any to make ?
Did you ask your friends for advice, or was it a solo effort ?

I'm thinking about this now, since NC.

I haven't either, so far. I've been happy to carry on being me, but without all the crap.
Same hair, same clothes. It's been good.

But, in that decluttering and sorting things out kinda way (you know what I mean), that fall 'spring-cleaning' urge, I feel that I should reconsider. I can't decide. Goes with feeling exhausted post-N.

I haven't had a NP, just hubby.
But, I am so concerned that my eyes will turn green like my NM, I look in the mirror every day and make sure they are still blue. I also am pretty perticular about my legs. I have always had slim legs, wheras hers looks like Elephants ones, I work them out every day so I can see my calf muscles all the time.
I also won't go blonde as her, and NS's are dyed blonde. I am the only one with auburn hair, so would rather keep that!

I have always LOVED fashion and have enjoyed putting stylish ensembles together. I noticed, especially towards the end of my relationship with ex N, that my abilties or creativity or interest to really mix and match and try new styles out had basically vanished. Weird, huh? Also there were times when I would put on an outfit (if we were going out, which was a rarity), ask him how it looked, and of course he would give me a luke warm ambiguous and uninterested response. I found myself going back into our room, changing again, then setting up the whole situation again...What the hell????!!! I NEVER cared what ANYONE thought of how I looked. Dressing one way or another was always something that I enjoyed doing for me! I always felt confident walking out the door with whatever I had chosen to wear!
Now, only with a month and a half of NC, my sense of style is returning!! So, in this arena, I am returning to the me that existed before the wretched N entered my life.
I died my hair about three weeks ago. My natural hair color is brown, and with fall coming, I decided to go /REALLY dark brown/almost black!! My poor stylist, initially, "stayed on the conservative side" by dying my hair a shade lighter than I had in mind. I returned to him several days later with an ultimatum: I want drastic! So either chop off the locks or go darker on the shade! My hair is, what I like to call it, "badass black!" It was therapeutic! Also, there was a tinge of the middle finger to my ex N since he pleaded with me to never go darker...Booya!

Zorsr wrote: I noticed, especially towards the end of my relationship with ex N, that my abilties or creativity or interest to really mix and match and try new styles out had basically vanished.

Odd, isn't it ? I found that too. Is it because they are uncreative and it rubs off onto us, or just the exhaustion and misery of being with them that saps our own creativity ?
I dyed my hair last week, back to its natural color without the gray, but just a bit lighter. I'm still getting used to it !
A new cut will be next.
Wardrobe-wise, I want more color, and fewer neutrals. I spent too long trying to remain neutral.

It is very odd, I agree! And whats a real kicker is not being cognizant of it until after the relationship ended. I think I probably had a fleeting thought, but dismissed it because it seemed luludacris that my BOYFRIEND would want me to struggle or lower my self-esteem. In relationships, as I have been used to, each person enhances what is best in one another, right?

Good for you Axle!!! Give your hair a couple of days and a couple of washes...it will settle in nicely. I wasn't sure I had done the right thing the day of and after I got mine colored, but now it's exactly what I wanted! FYI, my stylist told me to use Tresemme for color treated hair because it doesn't coat your hair, like Panteen does. I had to get my hair colored twice because the color wasn't sticking due to the layer of wax from Panteen.

Anyway, I hope that when you look in the mirror, you can see a strong and beautiful woman (with hotter hair) staring back at you! Changing my hair color was about that symbolism; I am no longer an object; I will not identify myself as the victim any longer; move on, move on, move on! Although, I do have slip-ups once in a while in that kind of thinking, it's gotten better!

Have a wonderful Sunday!! GO REDSKINS!!!!!! (had to do it!)

Went out and got my hair permed and did my nails again. LOL

It was the two things he said I could never do. Now I did it for the wrong reason: revenge. But as I paint my nails every day I do it for ME because it is ME. I have and kept all my make up and put that on if I want to, but I've kinda gotten past that. I've always been the type that every one tells I have a "natural beauty" and look better without it. (bullcrap lol)

But it's still here and still ready for me if I want it. And if I want to do it, I'll do it for me!

Well, I'm kind of a mess right now, but at least skinny from what happened. Down from a 14 to a 6.

When I left my exhusband I got my nails done for the first time ever. Someone commented on my red hair (my ex never said anything about it,) so I grew it long and am still growing it. I'm 46 and no grey hair...what a blessing. I did take more of an interest in fashion and makeup.

First I was too busy recovering and now, I am too comfortable in my own skin to be bothered. My every day clothes are practical, no buggy clothes just a good fit and functional. My shoes are comfy and flat. I don't know what happened to the lipstick and eyeliner that I bought a year ago. Probably ended in my children's make up kit. Even my underwear is cotton and comfortable. Tried the G string thing when with the N, it felt like a bit of rope rubbing up my ***. If there ever was a recipe for getting thrush, the G string has got to be up there with other causes.

The only clothing investment I have made is in four good quality ladies' suits. I interchange the different pieces whenever I have to go somewhere official.

I wanted to grow my hair out, but I think it just makes me look older. I try to get it highlighted when I can afford it, but this last time (which was at the end of July), it is very very dry. The ends are a bit frazzled so I basically have to use the straightening iron or curl it some way--which makes it even drier. I know (other than the chemicals and blowdryer) hormones can cause that (I'm 43--44 in a couple of months). Other than cutting what I have struggled to grow and starting over, I don't know what else to do with it The other thing is that in the last month in a half or so, I have breakage right at the scalp--especially by my bangs in the front. The only other time this ever happened was after my dad died when I was 12 years old. So I have to use pomade to get the sprouts to stop sticking up. I am assuming it is stress?? Haven't seen ex-N since August 30th--been NC since September 12th. We were "together" a year--with many breakups during that time. Plus, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer in May. Oh, and ex-N was oh so supportive with that! Heartless asshole! Sorry, I digress. I have started working out in the last two weeks and quit smoking (just over two weeks smoke free--yes, I just love stress). I want to lost 20 pounds or so--but more than that, just want to feel strong and fit. Anybody have any suggestions on what I can do to get my hair in better shape without cutting it off??? I've worn it very short before and really don't like that. I feel like I have aged substantially in the last six months--and it shows even though I am trying to do all of the right things. Guess my self-esteem/confidence is still in the toilet! HE sucked the life out of ME!!!

Gizmo,

Go to the grocery store or walmart and get you DOVE shampoo and the conditioner. Take one day that you are going to be home all day and nowhere to go, and on your dry hair just apply the conditioner and keep it on all day till you take your bath/shower and wash your hair with the shampoo and then recondition. It'll make your hair softer on the ends so they don't look so frizzy.

Another thing that helps is doing the same thing with the conditioner with hair choleterol.

Don't fall for that bull hooey that hot oil treatments and new age hair products tell you.

There's also frizz serum that you could apply lightly to your split ends. But do it lightly because it's oily and will make your hair oily.

Try those. Wearing regular conditioner on my hair and occasionally doing the cholesterol thing helps me. They are still split ends though, and you can only truly get rid of them by starting over or at least trimming every couple of months. The dryness- Dove stuff is the best I've ever seen. Suave is rotten shampoo don't invest. And those uber products in hair salons don't do any better than Dove.

All of this of course is in my experience. But I do have very dry, thing, frizzy assed hair. It's aggravating as hell to wash and dry and comb and cover up the frizzy ends. But, I am a natural blonde and when a cute guy smiles at me after seeing my long blonde hair- that my friend is for me and only me!! LOL!!!! (even though I still hate flirters!)

Good luck!