Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Sometimes you can't help and you have to accept that you can't.

One of my close friends is involved with a N. They are splitting up, and she is waiting for her place to be ready to be able to move in. While they are both in this between stage she knows that she should have as little contact as possible. She knows she should be disengaging. What did she do night before last? She rode round in my van calling and texting every fifteen wanting to know where he is. Asking me why he won't respond. Asking me to slap her wrist if she reached for the phone again.

Eventually I can help her. Right now, she knows enough to know how to help me and has. She isn't ready to do it for herself yet.

Sometimes, it has to happen in their own time and until then, all you can do is watch.

It might also help to "accidentally" leave books/info/etc lying around - there are some things that you can say/do that ARE manipulative but they may accomplish a beneficial result for the good people involved. You just need to be VERY clear on everything you're doing and why - because if you have anger/revenge/etc involved at all - it may backfire. (It still may - but at least you gave it an honest try.) I think it's just being there for them - but in the best ways for growth, understanding, etc - so not just listening and empathizing, etc - but also pushing, pulling, setting boundaries, stating your opinion, standing strong in your belief/goal that you love him and want him to be happy. Again, I'm not envious of your tough situation - but I do admire you thinking things through thoroughly and giving it a shot. Good luck!

thank you for your thoughtful response!! That does help and give me a little hope :) I didn't think about the fact I may have to bring it up time and time again. I am concerned about getting sucked in to Christmas with NSM for a week! He needs to at least know, too, why I am not there very much, if he hasn't already figured it out. It's hard that he lives far away and it's hard to get him on the phone without her around. He usually puts me on speaker without asking me! The other day I said "ok, bye" at the end of our COnv. and he yelled out to NSM "E**E..R*** says she loves you!!!" WTF? But I digress. I found out from my sister today that he is having a bad relapse of the shingles. when she mentioned that STRESS is what causes shingles outbreak apparently, he got very defensive saying he has no reason to be stressed and that's ridiculous. It must be another reason. UGH.

How are things going here? Any update? Hope it's all working out (or at least mostly)...

Ok something weird is happening. My posts are being put in places where I didn't write them, which is why this doesnt' make a lot of sense...

Well this was an old thread. Sorry for any confusion. Just curious how things are going. But maybe I can leave things until people spontaneously/voluntarily post updates when they're ready.